I have been dating a guy since April 2009. He has 2 boys, 12 and 9. His older boy, I have not had any problems with. But his 9 year old is not very respectful towards me.

He behaves badly with others as well, teasing kids at school and constantly back talking to his parents.

He does not want to sit with me or sit in my car. We all went snowboarding and at lunch he did not want his dad to sit beside me. They were practicing at the soccerfield as I stood and watched. He had a tantrum on the field, then wouldn't let his dad walk over to talk to me. Which his dad actually listened to and didn't. That made me angry of course. He loves hamburgers and the other afternoon, I made some homemade ones, the older one loved it, but the young one didn't even want to eat it until his dad made him. He often steals the front seat of the car from me when dad is driving, that caused a fight between me and his dad as that showed lack of respect for me, and I was angry that the dad did not see anything wrong or stop his behaviour. Now I very rarely will sit in the same car as them.

I am a 34 year old woman who has always decided that I don't want to have my own kids. I don't mind dating a guy with kids, but they need to at least be respectful. I have done many things for the children, like playing rollerhockey, taking them on hikes, hiding candies around the house for them to find, make them breakfasts, clean up after them, play xbox, get them snowboarding lessons, go watch their baseball and soccer games, hang out at the field when they practice.

The other day I had a fight with my boyfriend. Although this was not the reason for the fight, he mentioned that I don't talk or play with his kids. I am a quiet person in general, and I don't have much to say to his kids as we don't have much in common, but it doesn't mean I'm not nice to them. I said it's hard to bond with 2 boys. If you had 2 little girls, perhaps it would be different. Just like they are closer to him than they are to Mom. When he says I don't play with him, specifically he means that I don't play soccer with them when they go to the field and practice. This is what happens at practice. The 2 boys will pass the ball to each other and take shots on goal. Sometimes dad is the goalie, sometimes dad passes the ball. I am an active girl and can run 10k without a thought, but I have never played soccer. His kids will fight and yell at each other if one does not pass or kick the ball correctly. So my argument is... I don't know how to play, they don't want me to play cause I don't know what to do or how to do it. I don't want them to have to play with me just because dad says so. Plus they are practicing their shots, and not just kicking the ball around for fun. Dad doesn't like that I just stand there and watch. He says I'm not participating. I have done other active things with them but he has to pick at this incident and say this is why his son is cold towards me, because I don't play soccer with him. Wow, I was furious when I heard that. What about all the other things I have done for this kid? Besides playing rollerhockey and hikes, etc... when he wanted to buy a portable dvd player and pocket camcorder, I'm the one that took the time to find it for him off craigslist, call the seller and even go pick it up for him by myself! I have done so many things for them and this is what he picks at?

I know that dating a guy with kids is tough, as the GF will never come first. He has made that clear to me. But when he takes the children's side even when they are doing something wrong or disrespectful, I don't think that is right. Am I wrong here?

We currently have not resolved our fight. He has a temper and will be angry for days. We are at a point of deciding whether we should continue this relationship. There are other problems of course, but this is an important issue I think. How do I resolve this or should I list this as one of the reasons to break up?

Thanks in advance for your reply.

How he treats you and how he deals with the kids. If for example, he still will sit down with you even if he kids say no, then it is OK, and kids will learn to deal ( you are not mom)
If he on the other hand, does what the kids want and ignores you on simple things like sitting with you, then it is time to move on, since he is not really ready to date yet

If he allows his kids to disrespect you now, it will not get better. Letting the 9 year old sit in the front seat and you in the back is a bit much.
Criticizing you for not playing soccer with his kids is a bit much too, as he doesn't mind that the one is rude and disrespectful but he wants you to look over that and play with them.

I think you need to let this go. It's been two years it's not going to get better.

"We currently have not resolved our fight. He has a temper and will be angry for days."
He sounds about as childish as his son.