Hello everyone,

My boyfriend (he's 27) and I (I'm 20) have been dating for over a year and a half now, we have wonderful chemistry and laugh a lot together (for astrology fans, he is a Scorpio and I'm a Capricorn). Unfortunately I have been noticing a trend that he really affects my self-esteem. For starters, I'm a student but also a part-time model.

Myself esteem was fine before dating him, I appreciated my body and my looks, and always looked for beauty in others. When we started going out, there would be times when we would be watching TV and he comments on attractive body parts from pretty girls (I'm okay with him commenting on how a pretty a girl is, but when he comments on specific body parts, it weirds me out since I'm not a fan of female objectification). When I jokingly ask him if I should sport that bubble butt or whatever, he would say that I'm fine the way I am.

When we were on a date once, I was eating and out of the blue, he said "You look ugly when you look down like that." It was awkward so I cracked a joke saying something like "Oh, well I'm glad you know that I'm not always perfect." (and continued eating)

There are times when we are cuddling and just have nice talks. I asked him, "If we were both single and I was walked past you, would you notice me?" He said no. I laughed it off (because it was awkward and I didn't expect that answer). But then, I guess it triggered another question (out of curiousity), "Not counting celebrities, and based only in daily life, would you say that I may be one of your top 10?" Again, he said no, saying that looks didn't really matter to him and that even if I was on the bottom top 1000 or 10000, it wouldn't matter.

There are also times when he talks about when he was single, he would get lapdances but those never got him hard (to me it's hard to believe). But when we watch a movie together, he gets hard easily just by seeing sexy girls or mere sexy scenes.

To top things off, I also have a higher sex drive than him. I love to dress up, roleplay, etc. and I feel like I'm insatiable. At the beginning, we would have sex quite often, but as months passed to now, I'm always the one forcing sex on him. I have confronted him about this and tells me it's because he is "older" and that older men have a lower sex drive.

I'm aware that I take fault in controlling myself esteem, but truth be told, my agency is always very hard on me. They are critical of my looks, and demanding. I've been in this industry for a few years and sanity wise, I'm better off than a lot of my modelling friends. I can separate work from private life, but these small comments from my boyfriend really get to me. I couldn't care less of what other people thought of me, but when I come home to my boyfriend, I would like a safe home base. Maybe I'm young and haven't gotten the chance to experience other factors, but this ordeal really hurts and distracts me from studying. I have told him that it hurts me (I hate showing weakness), and that I hope we last. Just from the questions I have asked him, he knows I care about looks, yet I understand that looks fade and personality will outlast.

I really do care a lot about him and our relationship, but whenever I'm around him, I feel my self-esteem lowering silently.

Thanks for reading!