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    Brittany124's Avatar
    Brittany124 Posts: 20, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jul 3, 2008, 12:42 AM
    My b/f talks about other girl being attractive and that bothers me.
    My boyfriend sometimes talks about girls that he know and some that he dated. He talks about how they are pretty and attractive or sometimes about their body... it bothers me but when I say something to him he gets mad and says its no big thing. What should I do?
    ylaira's Avatar
    ylaira Posts: 1,193, Reputation: 118
    Ultra Member

    Jul 3, 2008, 01:45 AM
    How do you voice out ur feelings by the way?Normally its how u say it. When your mad, your guy will be mad too. But if you talk lovingly and try to be positive, that's the one they understand. Say like "Honey, u really have this eye on beauty and I knw u love me. I would appreciate more if you will minimize talking about "that".Im just not comfortable hearing it."
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member

    Jul 3, 2008, 04:50 AM
    I don't think the tone in your voice helps much when someone is already very defensive over something.
    But when you put it in the I feel instead of the you always then that may work because it can minimize their defense mechanism, but I have known people that didn't even work with.

    Next time he says something about an old female friend or ex say something like, "Yeah, I know EXACTLY what you mean my friend -Jack- did that exact same thing".
    tropikool's Avatar
    tropikool Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jul 3, 2008, 05:10 AM
    Tell him it bothers you, sounds like he's trying make you jealous or something, he needs to grow up and forget about the past and move on!
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
    Software Expert

    Jul 3, 2008, 08:32 AM
    Why does it have to be bothersome? Girls are attractive. They ARE!

    Dating someone, even dating someone seriously (are you two even that serious?) doesn't make you blind to the beauty of others. Talking to YOU about it could be useful, you know? Every guy notices other women and usually suppress it. Some don't, some talk to their girl about everything.

    But some do bad things with those attractions and screw up their relationships, or just cheat. He's noticing and talking to you about it. He's still your guy, he's talking to YOU, this could be useful information, couldn't it?

    Other than it making you uncomfortable, what harm does it do? Everything new makes someone uncomfortable, so is his honesty and freedom with you something you could get comfortable with? It may take time, but could you?
    debbiedaniel81's Avatar
    debbiedaniel81 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jul 3, 2008, 08:40 AM
    Hi brittany124

    I think you should tackle the problem head on. Don't shout or scream at him just calmliy tell him it bothers you. When you confronted him about it before he may not have been taking you seriously, and therefore thinks that's it OK to keep doing it. If talking calmly doesn't work then try a little role reversal and tell him about the hot guy you "bumped" into on the street today. Tell him how cute he was and how hot his body was and see how he likes it. If this doesn't work then you will have to seriously think long and hard about whether you can stay with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable with his actions. Everyone in a relationship will look at other people but what REALLY counts is he is not acting on it. If that happens kick him out the door.

    Hope this helps.
    fjsmith81's Avatar
    fjsmith81 Posts: 122, Reputation: 11
    Junior Member

    Jul 3, 2008, 10:57 AM
    DO NOT TELL HIM IT BOTHERS YOU. Honey just act like you don't care. A lot of men say things to see how their girlfriends react to situations like that. When he says that girl is hot or she has a nice body simply shrug and say OK or your right. I would go a step further and start talking about how attractive another man is. I don't think that he would like it that much and he just might get the hint. Overall men want to see how secure a woman is with herself. That is why they do and say things like that. My ex-boyfriend is a director in la and he works around beautiful women all day and initially he would comment on those women and I would agree with him and eventually after he saw that I didn't care he started telling me that I was the most beautiful woman that he had ever seen. (he is only my ex because of the long term relationship thing)
    wataboutnow's Avatar
    wataboutnow Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jul 5, 2008, 12:47 PM
    Just tell him that it hurts you and if he can't understand that then he is immature and you might want to look at your relationship. Just tell him to do the looking with his friends.
    kimdeelee's Avatar
    kimdeelee Posts: 35, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member

    Jul 5, 2008, 12:49 PM
    Tell him very calmly how that hurts you I'm going through the same thing with my man but he comments about women on TV and I can't stand it but I did tell him how I felt about and he has stopped (for now)
    kimdeelee's Avatar
    kimdeelee Posts: 35, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member

    Jul 5, 2008, 12:49 PM
    Or if that doesn't work give him a taste of his own medicine and see how he likes it
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
    Software Expert

    Jul 5, 2008, 02:41 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kimdeelee
    or if that doesn't work give him a taste of his own medicine and see how he likes it
    ... or better yet, how about you figure out why the commentary is so threatening to you and squash that so you two can enjoy all the beauty in nature including other people without feeling it is in any way demeaning to you.

    Anybody here think they're the prettiest girl/guy in the mall? No? Good, cause we're not. Lots of pretty people. Look there's one now. And hey, I'm still the same old me, I haven't been diminished in any way by their beauty or the comment regarding it.

    I think there is a difference between occasional comments and natural admiration... and OGLING like drooling puppy dog at every girl that walks by. If he's not doing the latter, then this isn't an issue he needs to solve. It's a self-confidence YOU need to acquire.

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