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    shayshay0024's Avatar
    shayshay0024 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Dec 26, 2006, 11:26 AM
    Accepting his child
    I'm confused: I recently started to date a great guy. I'm 27 and he's 29. I received an e-mail from a woman that is claiming she is having his baby. I was really upset about it, but at the same time I'm adult enough to look past this. I told her that I already knew about the situation (even though I didn't) and had d talk with him. I guess she is not too sure who the father is and they aren't going to be able to find out till May. Now my concern is that I've heard she wasn't a very nice person and that she caused a lot of problems with the last guy she got pregnant by. Since I have only been dating this guy for a month do you think that it would be best for me to get out of the relationship now or stay and wait to see what kind of drama I'm going to have in my life 6 months from now. It's going to be harder for me to walk away later than it is right now. I like him a lot but I'm afraid of everything changing when the baby is born and it turns out to be his. I appreciate your help.

    ~S
    CaptainForest's Avatar
    CaptainForest Posts: 3,645, Reputation: 393
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Dec 26, 2006, 07:15 PM
    Quite a predicament you are in.

    And only you can make the final decision.

    On one hand getting out now would be for the best.

    But if you really like this guy, maybe wait to May and see if he's the Dad.

    If he is, maybe leave.

    If he isn't, then perhaps don't.

    But, if you honestly think that your life will be very frustrating if he is the dad, then perhaps its best to leave now if you don't think you can leave in May.
    AKaeTrue's Avatar
    AKaeTrue Posts: 1,599, Reputation: 272
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    #3

    Dec 26, 2006, 07:50 PM
    My concern would be more about the fact that your boyfriend didn't tell you about the situation he was in. Why he failed to mention this very important issue concerning another woman and a possible child. I would also ask questions as to why the woman contacted you and how she got your email.
    What does your boyfriend have to say about all that...
    Could be this woman is trying to cause problems within your new relationship...
    If you like the guy, then go forward with the relationship for now - especially if it's not known who the father is and see what the future brings. It would be a shame to allow this other woman to ruin a good relationship because of her own jealously and the fact that it didn't work out between her and him.
    If the child does turn out to be his and the drama becomes to overwhelming, you shouldn't have a problem leaving if your unhappy in the relationship. On the other hand, you may find that your relationship has grown and every obstacle will be overcome together.
    If you pull out now, you will never know...
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #4

    Dec 26, 2006, 08:32 PM
    AkaeTrue, I will defend the guy for this one, since he is not posting his side on this, he starts dating a new girl and has for @ a month, I am sorry you don't start telling them about your old girl friends, who may be expecting and even who has babies from you unless they ask.

    This is the first level of dating, getting to know the other person. As the relationshiop progresses, things like this come out much later in a relationship.

    Now obviously this other girl is a nut case and wants to hurt any relationship this guy has with anyone else. So you can expect her to be a issue a lot more. And if there really is a baby, who knows she could be lying. But if there is and he is the father, this women will be invovled for the next 18 plus years to deal with.

    And I am not sure what putting though... is, but all she can do is sue for child support and custody which is her legal right to do, and his legal obligation to pay, not wrong must what is and should be done.

    But there is going to be some type of drama in any relationship if it be mothers, fathers, brothers, kids and so on, ( just read the things that happen to people on here)

    So he has a baby by someone else, is he over that relationship, if so, there is no difference between that and a man who was married and had a baby, unless he is just moving from girl to girl and you are just antoher number on his list.

    So this is your issue that only you can judge with your heart.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
    Uber Member
     
    #5

    Dec 29, 2006, 09:37 AM
    If he has made it firmly clear to this mother-to-be that anything between them is over, once and for all, then you really shouldn't have a problem. She may be a jealous nut case, but that's her problem, not yours and not his. If the child turns out to be his, then he'll have to pay child support and he can pursue visitation and you'll have to accept this child as his. However, if he is firm in his conviction than I really don't see that impacting your relationship.
    shayshay0024's Avatar
    shayshay0024 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #6

    Dec 29, 2006, 12:05 PM
    Thank you so much to all of you who have given me advice. I decided to leave him so we are no longer together. Case is officially solved :) Happy Holidays!

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