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    carly125's Avatar
    carly125 Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Aug 9, 2010, 10:55 PM
    Have I turned him off?
    I've been dating a guy for about a month now. We get on really well and have become so comfortable with one another we are already talking about what the future holds for our relationship. However, while I was his place on over the weekend I fainted while we were taking a shower together. I have pretty low blood pressure and in the right conditions I am prone to fainting. The shower was quite steamy and I hadn't had a lot to drink that day. He was really good about it, and very worried about me. But I can't shake the feeling that I have somehow turned him off. Because he hasn't contacted me since... other than asking if I was feeling okay the day after. Is it something that would be likely to a man off, or am I just being overly paranoid seeing as things are going so well?
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #2

    Aug 9, 2010, 11:07 PM
    Talk to him and explain your condition.
    He may be worried or scared because of what happened.

    When he understands what the problem is , it is easier to deal with it.
    Who knows what he may be speculating?

    Communication is the basis of a good relationship.

    I wish you well
    carly125's Avatar
    carly125 Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Aug 9, 2010, 11:19 PM

    Thank you for the advice! Though I did explain it to him that I am prone to fainting as a result of my low blood pressure. As I was at his place hours after it happened. I just didn't perceive something like this to be a turn off until a friend said it was intense and that she's surprised he took it so well. It made me rethink the situation and realise it was a pretty heavy thing to deal with. Feeling very frustrated that the situation was well out of my control and don't feel it should be something to be judged on :(
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #4

    Aug 10, 2010, 12:41 AM

    I agree it not a matter to be judged by.

    What did he say to you when you explained it to him?
    carly125's Avatar
    carly125 Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #5

    Aug 10, 2010, 03:16 AM

    I apologised for scaring him and he said it was okay and that it wasn't my fault. I messaged him just to see how he was and I've still not got a reply. Not letting it worry me too much though.
    KBC's Avatar
    KBC Posts: 2,550, Reputation: 487
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    #6

    Aug 10, 2010, 03:51 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by carly125 View Post
    I apologised for scaring him and he said it was okay and that it wasn't my fault. I messaged him just to see how he was and I've still not got a reply. Not letting it worry me too much though.
    Don't sweat the small stuff(by the way,it's ALL small stuff)

    If this relationship is meant to be,he will respond.if not, take note of what happened,keep your health up,no one else is going to keep those liquids in you.You have your entire life ahead of you and this might just be a learned lesson.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #7

    Aug 10, 2010, 06:24 AM
    After dating him for only 30 days, and then hopping in the shower with him, having had 'not too much to drink', then passing out. Yes, I'd say that would have been a turnoff.

    It probably scared the hell out of him. What if you had hit your head, and he had to call an ambulance. I can only imagine his panic when you passed out- seconds would have felt like years- he didn't know how to react because he didn't know you had this problem, and has most likely never been in a shower with a woman who passed out before.

    He may not be judging you per se, what he might be judging is that you didn't disclose you had low blood pressure, which could result in you passing out, and putting HIM in a position he'd rather not ever be in again.

    You said the combination of conditions, caused you to pass out. Fair enough. But, he hadn't a clue- who would- that under those conditions, he should have known you could have passed out. I'd say turn off is putting it mildly- you scared him out of his mind.

    I would give him time without contacting him. What he thought was a perfect new relationship to the point of planning a future with you, had a little shot of cold water.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
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    #8

    Aug 10, 2010, 06:50 AM

    It's not going to be easy, he's going to hesitate before doing something else with you because he fears that you might faint again.

    First thing you should do is go see a doctor to see what you can do about it. It's not healthy to be prone to fainting in the first place. Your health is more important than turning this guy off at this point.

    As for him, you already told him the truth, let's see if he can handle the truth. If he can't, then you can't blame him. You need to be able to be honest to each other and accepting each other's honestly.

    If he lost interest, then you're better off that he's not contacting you, that way, he's not leading you on and giving you false hope.

    With time, we will see if he can accept the truth. When he can, he will find a way to contact you and go from there.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,779, Reputation: 2603
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    #9

    Aug 10, 2010, 07:31 AM

    It could be this is just not something he wants to deal with or maybe it freaked him out. Either way 30 days into a relationship is "getting to know you" time. You're testing the waters to see if you want to wade further out. He may not want to.
    You have explained everything to him, now leave him be. He will either respond or he won't. In the meantime get on with your life.
    When is the last time you've seen a doctor?
    carly125's Avatar
    carly125 Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #10

    Aug 13, 2010, 03:03 AM

    I response to Jake2008, Wow, he didn't take it as seriously as that haha! I did tell him I was feeling dizzy and weak, so he did have idea of how I was feeling. I also don't think I would have had enough time to tell him "Sorry, I have low blood pressure" nor has it ever been a topic of conversation in the month I've known him. The last time I've fainted was 2007... so I may detract my proneness statement. I should have said.. I've fainted before in similar conditions! That said, it's not something I readily "warn" people about! Thanks for the advice though, I completely understand what you're all saying! Things are good though, he was really good about it!
    carly125's Avatar
    carly125 Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Aug 28, 2010, 03:31 AM
    Is 6 weeks a good time to bring up exclusivity?
    I've been dating a guy for 6 weeks, and I'm starting to wonder about the future already.

    I saw him two days ago and he didn't really leave it with the reassurance that he'd see me again - which has made me consider whether now is the right time to have "the talk" about exclusivity... not necessarily the full blown relationship. I know it's a pretty trivial thing to go on as he may have just been having a bad day and had his mind somewhere else. But basically made me think whether I should bring it up with him.

    There are so many positives which make me feel totally comfortable about having the talk, but I do not know if it is too soon. He recently told me that he likes me, he talks in terms of the future i.e. "next time we see each other", I stay over his place for two days a week, he drives me home all the time.. even that day he was seeming distant (which is one hour btw), he's always asking about what's going on in my life and what's on my mind if I am looking upset (which was that day also). But the last time I saw him really got to me and made me become concerned about exclusivity and the like.


    Is the 6 week mark okay to ask for clarification on whether he wants to continue seeing my exclusively and to ask him to voice any concerns or doubts he may be having about dating me?

    Thanks in advance!


    By the way... I am 20 and he is 27
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #12

    Aug 28, 2010, 03:50 AM
    Six weeks is not a long time.
    You could be pushing the issue by a few months.

    Before committing , get to know each other well.
    Committing to some one you don't really know is not advisable.

    Start now on a major communication blitz.
    When you can comfortably talk about anything, and fart in front of him,
    Then consider moving up in the relationship

    Those are sure signs you are comfortable with each other.

    I wish you well
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,267, Reputation: 5643
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    #13

    Aug 28, 2010, 04:13 AM

    Six weeks is not long at all. If you bring this up, be prepared for him to run for the hills.

    Many, not all, men are not ready for something so serious so early in a relationship.
    carly125's Avatar
    carly125 Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #14

    Aug 28, 2010, 04:20 AM

    Ah thank you so much. I was thinking it was maybe too early. I'm just not really a fan of being unsure when I like someone, because I'm not the type to date other men or sleep with other men while I'm seeing somebody. Especially if I like him like I like this guy! I just need to stop overthinking, focus on the positives for the moment and just have fun while it's not serious :)
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,779, Reputation: 2603
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    #15

    Aug 28, 2010, 07:11 AM

    Six week into a relationship is not very long at all, but you're already sleeping over there so you might want to know if the relationship is going any where.

    What does it mean when you are sleeping at someone's home a couple of nights a week? Are you friends with benefits or exclusive? You probably should have had a talk before you started sleeping over.
    Are you two having sex?
    carly125's Avatar
    carly125 Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #16

    Aug 28, 2010, 07:58 AM

    Yes that's what I've been getting at. Not necessarily asking him whether he wants a relationship now. Just whether he sees it going anywhere! Well, it actually started as a one night stand. A friend of my brother's. I intended on keeping it as a one night affair as I've never built a relationship that way. It's always been dating and sex afterwards. But he was very persistent, asking my brother permission to see me etc. So I gave him a chance, and we get on really well and have fun together. And we've been seeing each other on a weekly basis ever since. So despite it not being the ideal way of starting a relationship, it's how things turned out.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,779, Reputation: 2603
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    #17

    Aug 28, 2010, 08:11 AM

    Well sleeping with him was your first mistake. He gets you a couple of times a week why would he want anything different?
    But if you're having sex with him then you ought to be able to ask him if this relationship you have is exclusive. If it is not you need to step away.
    You kind of allowed this to happen by not establishing a relationship outside of sex first. So now you have to find out where you are with him or remove yourself from it.
    carly125's Avatar
    carly125 Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #18

    Aug 28, 2010, 08:21 AM

    I understand what you're saying. However, I disagree that I have allowed this to happen and that it was a mistake on my behalf. It was a carefree one night stand after a night out which I had no intention of following up. Most girls will do it once in their life, and I couldn't have foreseen what would eventuate. So it is hardly anyone's fault or mistake! Thank you anyway, I agree and think after a few more weeks it is completely a right of mine to establish exclusivity. And if not, I'll walk.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,779, Reputation: 2603
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    #19

    Aug 28, 2010, 08:30 AM

    You did allow it because after the one night stand you continued to do it. That was your choice. You could have ended it.
    Since you two have a sexual relationship you have very right to know if it is an exclusive one.
    I'm assuming you are practicing safe sex.
    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
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    #20

    Aug 28, 2010, 09:02 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    Well sleeping with him was your first mistake.
    That's a bit much, she came her for advice not to be judged.

    Six weeks is six weeks. It's not long and not short, that's in the eye of the beholder. If you feel it's right (and you'll know when that is), ask him.

    But if you ask him, and he gives you a half-a**ed, wishy-washy answer, get out of there. That's a sure sign he's in it for sex only.

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