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    ChezzyBear's Avatar
    ChezzyBear Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 5, 2008, 01:34 PM
    13 dating 16
    I'm 13 and there's a guy that I really like and I know that he really likes me to, and I want to know if its even legal for me and him to date since he's 16, I'm allot more mature then most girls my age and I actually think logically, but if its illegal then that won't even matter right?
    450donn's Avatar
    450donn Posts: 1,821, Reputation: 239
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    #2

    May 5, 2008, 01:56 PM
    The only time it matters is if sex is involved. Personally 13 is way too young to be thinking about dating. Wait a couple more years and enjoy your youth.
    MommyLeah's Avatar
    MommyLeah Posts: 47, Reputation: 3
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    #3

    May 5, 2008, 02:08 PM
    I agree with 450donn, you may be really mature for your age but you are way too young and if the guy is 16 and interested in you, then it is most likely about the sex. Or he is desperate. I am not saying that you are amazing and worth it, but Most 16 year olds don't look for that young of a person unless they want something and in that case you will get in trouble. Try to find a guys to just hang out with and be friends for now. You'll be surprised how much happier you will be not getting into that relationships so early in your life. You have so much time to be an adult.
    ChezzyBear's Avatar
    ChezzyBear Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    May 7, 2008, 08:22 AM
    The thing is, is that my last boyfriends were all like 17 to 20, which I know is definitely illeagal, and they all pretty much took advantage of me, but the 16 year old is a sweetheart and we were going out for a while but we both thought it was illeagal so we broke up and yeah he says he's willing to wait but I know that things change in time...
    NeedKarma's Avatar
    NeedKarma Posts: 10,635, Reputation: 1706
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    #5

    May 7, 2008, 08:34 AM
    Ask your parents if they are OK with it.
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
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    #6

    May 7, 2008, 10:26 AM
    If you are more mature than most 13 year olds, then sex is absolutely the biggest problem. Early maturization is the source of so many of these sad stories of young love ending up in tragedy and jail, and it's completely avoidable.

    You can be proud of your early maturity, but you are a target as a result. You just are. As sweet as it feels having 16 years "like" you, it's not natural and most assuredly physical attraction to you is a big part of it.

    At 13 you may feel mature, but you're not. You're inexperienced and very innocent. That means you will easily be manipulated by your own feelings and the kind attentions of boys. You are YEARS away from being able to fully control your own impulses (they're natural, right?), much less those of big strong boys.

    So, my recommendation is you feel good about the attraction, but practice your first adult concept - self-denial. Put off dating 16 year olds until your 16.

    You keep a LOT of unnecessary and potentially dangerous (you won't think it's dangerous, you'll have to trust us) situations from hurting you by always, always, ALWAYS including your parents in your decision-making on this stuff. They are 100% accountable for everything you do until you leave home, so their love for you, their experience and their responsibility puts them in a unique position to help you the most accurately.

    And no one knows you as well as them. They may surprise you... not by letting you do dangerous things like dating a 16 year old when you're 13, but in other ways with the way they guide you and the way the openly help with understanding them.

    Good luck, dear. It's tough feeling like a grownup surrounded by children. But that is no reason to engage in risky experiments.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #7

    May 7, 2008, 11:34 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ChezzyBear
    the thing is, is that my last boyfriends were all like 17 to 20, which i know is definetly illeagal, and they all pretty much took advantage of me,
    This tells me you are not as mature as you think you are. That you would date boys that age at 12 and 13 is not a mature decision. And you were taken advantage of and went back and did it again!

    There are no laws governing dating. What's illegal is having sex with someone under the age of consent (and you are under the age of consent in most places). But just dating is not illegal.
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
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    #8

    May 7, 2008, 07:15 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by codelle1
    I'm 17, so I know what Im talking about with the whole age maturity thing.
    <crickets>

    <crickets>

    I am TRYING not burst into laughter, here, people... and I am failing.


    (side note - sometimes 17 is too young, too...)
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #9

    May 7, 2008, 07:37 PM
    Basically at 13 there is no such thing as mature, you may be better than other 13 but you are not mature enough to be dating period, and past mistakes should be obvoiius, I am sure you believed the others sweathearts at some point.
    CFZD's Avatar
    CFZD Posts: 385, Reputation: 49
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    #10

    May 7, 2008, 07:43 PM
    Maturity is mostly built on experience and realization.

    You are probably more mature than the girls at your age, hun. However, there are things that you haven't been through yet because of your age.

    At your age, you love easily! You probably have a crush on him, it will die soon, trust me!

    And also, even if you are mature, how about that boy? It takes two people to build a relationship, are you sure he is ready?
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #11

    May 8, 2008, 06:22 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by codelle1
    Please stop witH these crappy responses. The girl obviously has some sense and 13 is NOT too young to be dating. God, people expect young girls to stay naive little virgins...Wake Up! Chezzy, use ur head dont do anything ur not comfortable with, and if u do decide to do anything use protection. Stay smart and stay safe. Society shouldnt dictate who you are as an individual. Im 17, so I know what Im talking about with the whole age maturity thing.
    Oh boy, you are 17 so you know it all now. Give me a break! Did you read what Chezzy wrote. That she has ALREADY been taken advantage because she dated older guys!! So she already wasn't smart and did things she wasn't comfortable with.

    No one is dictating who someone is as an individual. But there are certain facts about the maturation process that people with REAL experience are aware of.

    No we don't expect young girls to remain naïve little virgins, but it would be nice if they did remain virgins at least until they became adults. I don't think that's too much to ask. As I've said many times, NO ONE should engage in sexual intercourse until they are prepared to have a child.

    I do agree with you that 13 is not too young to START dating, but it should be in groups, not one on one. But it seems clear that Chezzy started before 13. And there is a certain value in letting children have a childhood. Dating involves a level of social interaction that many children are not ready for at 13.
    ChezzyBear's Avatar
    ChezzyBear Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    May 10, 2008, 12:26 PM
    But I learnt from my mistakes and me and him already broke up, we're both trying to move on cause he's now dating a girl his age and I'm dating a girl my age.. even though me and him still tell each other that we love each other...
    ChezzyBear's Avatar
    ChezzyBear Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    May 10, 2008, 12:26 PM
    And I've been dating for a long time, I'm not "starting" anything
    NeedKarma's Avatar
    NeedKarma Posts: 10,635, Reputation: 1706
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    #14

    May 10, 2008, 02:37 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ChezzyBear
    and ive been dating for a long time, im not "starting" anything
    You're either:
    a) a troll
    Or
    b) an orphan
    ChezzyBear's Avatar
    ChezzyBear Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    May 10, 2008, 02:41 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by NeedKarma
    You're either:
    a) a troll
    or
    b) an orphan
    What's that supposed to mean..
    Handyman2007's Avatar
    Handyman2007 Posts: 988, Reputation: 73
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    #16

    May 10, 2008, 02:48 PM
    You are 13!! How long is a "long time"??
    ChezzyBear's Avatar
    ChezzyBear Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    May 10, 2008, 02:50 PM
    A long time for me
    About 3-4 years
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #18

    May 10, 2008, 03:45 PM
    So you've been dating since you were 10? Again, I have to ask where your parents have been all this time. You either have parents who don't care enough about you to supervise you properly or you are fibbing.

    That's what NeedKarma meant.
    Handyman2007's Avatar
    Handyman2007 Posts: 988, Reputation: 73
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    #19

    May 10, 2008, 03:48 PM
    All I can say is,, "You Love Each Other".. I am sorry to say that both od you are way too young to even understand love.
    ChezzyBear's Avatar
    ChezzyBear Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    May 10, 2008, 09:54 PM
    My mom is a crack whore who I haven't seen since I was 4 and my dad works too much to care
    And I'm not to young so don't say that.. thers no such thing as to young

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