[4answers]

It has been my experience that if your not decent to a girl she is decent to you & if you are decent to a girl she is not decent to you !

(((Perhaps this treat them mean keep them keen))).

[rol]

Maybe that's the way it works in the 20s when girls are very immature...

But come the 30s we really just want a nice guy who will treat us well.Any non decent behaviour would definitely not be accepted.

[talaniman]

Sorry, single, I couldn't disagree more. You have life and BS all mixed up. That generalisation is based on what, as surely your experiences are broader than to have you make such a general statement.

[NeedKarma]

If you want to live with a girl that likes to be treated mean then you'll get what you deserve.

[SINGLE4]

It has been my experience that if your not decent to a girl she is decent to you & if you are decent to a girl she is not decent to you !

(((Perhaps this treat em mean keep em keen))). ?

Disagree... maybe you were too needy!

I am not saying this to disrespect you because I did the same with a relationship! We are human! Learn from your mistakes!

[4answers]

Don't misunderstand me guys, this is not me, I don't treat women badly.

This is just a generat discusion topic.

Based on younger days and of observation !

[ordinaryguy]

Yeah, sounds like the game playing of late teens-early twenties. BORING!

[Wildcat21]

It just means - don't make them your life - they are part of your life not your life. Espcially early on.

So many people 'find the one' and drop everything. Not a good idea.

It also means being caucious on the contacting early on.

No need to share how you feel too soon... GO SLOW!!

[NeedKarma]

it just means - don't make them your life - they are part of your life not your life. Espcially early on.

So many people 'find the one' and drop everything. Not a good idea.

It also means being caucious on the contacting early on.

No need to share how you feel too soon....GO SLOW!!!

Sorry but this has nothing to do with the issue of treating a girl meanly... or did I miss something?

[Wildcat21]

It's not treating them 'mean' ever. It's an old saying.

Initially a girl/guy might be attracted by a 'challenge'. But that will grow VERY old quick. You treat them mean and all healthy people will RUN!!

It's MORE of:

"Treat the ones you like, like the ones you don't like"

Meaning... don't be so available etc.

Everyone has had that person who likes them A LOT and we don't have any attraction for them. We ignore them etc. - and this IS NOT a game - these are laws of attraction.

It's my old saying: People Want What They Can't Have. Always.

We have 10 people a day coming to this website who were too available, to needy, expressed their feelings way too much, obsessed, smothered.

This all has to do with having a life a way from that special someone: Work, excercise/sports, friends, hobbies, family, religion, travel etc.

You have your own life and fun things going on and they will love you for it!!

You should never drop everyhting to be with someone.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Any woman who wants to be treated mean has serious issues. I have not met one woman who has said to me that she likes to be treated badly...

No.. Its more like wildcat says and is more to do with availability and having a life outside the relationship..

The treat them mean part is probably more geared towards living a healthy balanced life that does not revolve around your partner too much.

This is what keeps them keen because they are attracted to a healthy person who lives a healthy life..

NEVER TREAT ANY WOMAN MEAN

What would that make you??

And I know that you don't do that 4answers, you were just raising a question.

It has been my experience that if your not decent to a girl she is decent to you & if you are decent to a girl she is not decent to you !

(((Perhaps this treat em mean keep em keen))). ?

I think there is some truth in that if you are too kind and generous to another person whether it be a friend or a partner, he or she will likely take you for granted or worse, take advantage of you!!

Depends on the individual in question though.

[Bluerose]

4answers,

I know this is just an enquiry.

So here is my take on it.

There are enough mean people out there without someone planning to 'act' mean because they think it will keep someone interested.

Read the newspapers, people get sick of being treated mean and end up sticking a knife in someone. Worse case scenario I know. But we can't play games with this stuff.

We get back what we give out. We should treat people the way we want to be treated.

If you are being nice and are being treated mean, it's because you are allowing them to treat you mean. And if you put up with it, you either like it or you deserve it.

But in my book - no one, no decent person deserves to be treated mean.

You can be nice and still demand other people's respect.

[s_cianci]

It's not so much that you want to be mean or indecent to them but you don't want them to walk all over you. By that I mean that you make and set the rules. Do things at your own conveinience and in your own time. Case in point: Suppose you are calling a girl to invite her out for Saturday evening. She responds with "well, I think I can make it but call me back on Saturday just to be sure." The way you respond can make all the difference as far as how much respect she'll have for you and what she'll think of you. Now the guy who plays the role of "Mr. Nice" will say something like, "OK, I'll call you on Saturday." Then when Saturday rolls around he calls, hoping she'll be available, which of course she isn't. Now the problem with this approach is that he doesn't respect his time and doesn't insist that others do either. Also the fact that he sends this woman the message that he can just leave himself in limbo right up until the last minute suggests that he doesn't have much of a life and that's a big turn-off to any woman. A much more appropriate response would be something to the effect of "well, that's alright. Since you're unsure of your schedule I'll make other plans for this weekend. I may call you back in a couple of weeks as my schedule permits and see if we can plan something then." This actually conveys a much more positive message to her and causes her to have much more respect if not affection for you. Notice that here you don't allow her to manipulate you and you stay in control. You convey to her that your time is valuable and you're not going to allow anyone to steal it from you. You also don't promise to definitely call her back. You don't want to promise to do something and then not do it, as that just allows her to label you as undependable or a player. Women will conduct little "tests" like this to see how you'll respond. They'll deny it and say that they're not testing, but rest assured, they are. They may not even be consciously aware that they're doing it but they are nevertheless. Standing firm for yourself is the best thing you can do in such a situation. Don't be taken in by any sweet talk or protestations to the contrary.

[Makiavelic76]

I guess, that's when the real power of assertiness shows as the ability to express yourself and your rights without violating the rights of others.

It is appropriately direct, open, and honest communication which is self-enhancing and expressive. Acting assertively will allow you to feel self-confident and will generally gain you the respect of your peers and friends. It can increase your chances for honest relationships, and help you to feel better about yourself and your self-control in everyday situations.

This, in turn, will improve your decision-making ability and possibly your chances of getting what you really want from life.

[Wildcat21]

YES, YES, YES!! Don't let them walk all over you!!

If a gal ever said "well call me Saturday" about plans - instead of saying yes - I would NEVER call that gal again.

Saidly - there are women who want to be treated mean. They don't know any better - brought up in an abusive environemnt.

They like Abuisve guys because they think they deserve it. They have low self esteem and they can't handle a nice guy. They can get mad and be a crab and treat the jerk badly - and not feel bad about it.

[jeffatl]

I would have to sadly agree with wildcat here... it just seems to be the way things work these days... not sure why, but it just is.

[NeedKarma]

I would have to sadly agree with wildcat here..... it just seems to be the way things work these days.....not sure why, but it just is.

It very much depends on the age of the daters. This stuff may work with the younger crowd only (15-24).

[Wildcat21]

Nope - I know women in their 40's who need an abusive guy. They could never handle a 'nice guy' - he'd never do it for them. They need the drama, fights, make up, breakup, make up. Very unhealthy for sure.

[BlazingCold]

Nope - I know women in their 40's who need an abusive guy. They could never handle a 'nice guy' - he'd never do it for them. They need the drama, fights, make up, breakup, make up. Very unhealthy for sure.

I go to Wildcat for my info on topics like these.

Some women just aren't satisfied when everything's calm and easy. They need the constant drama. Nice (and I mean really nice guys, not those wusses who pretend to be "nice" just to get laid) guys get booted just because the relationship works too well.

There are women out there who will appreciate how kind and caring nice guys are. Shame some of us turn bitter before we find them.

[brokenhearted1515]

I would have to agree about this post in some degree. I am in my early twenties. I don't go looking for a bad guy... nor do I want to be treated badly. So I don't have experience with what the difference is when your in yours 30's. However... I can speak from the experience I have had. With my ex, if I was distant he would be up my butt. If I showed emotion or let him know that I care, he would be very distant. It was like we could never be on the same page at the same time. I basically felt that it was a lose-lose situation. I don't want to be distant with him so that he would be nice to me, which kills because no one wants to be distant with the one that they love. And if I open up and show him how I feel he will hurt me. Maybe its immaturity. Maybe its right person wrong time. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe I will never know why. Maybe I will know when I am older.