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    amyjc's Avatar
    amyjc Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 3, 2010, 08:35 PM
    Influential Parent
    From my perspective, women have always been in control of the household since the beginning of time. My sister who has three children is the CEO in her household. She organizes the kids lunches for instance and decides how she will package them and her husband tends to control how the bills will be paid, for example, will say which credit card needs to be used to pay for something.

    One thing I find interesting is that boys tend to look more and model their father's behavior and for girls it's the mother who they usually look more like.. and remind the mother of themselves. For example, my sister's son who is five, likes to take everything apart and put it all back together. His father use to do the same thing at his age. Although, her oldest son reminds my sister of herself. But both boys look like their father and the youngest, a girl, looks like the mother.

    When raising kids, who do you think is the most influential parent in a traditional family?

    A baby knows who their mother is and wants as well as need their mother. They form this bond with their mother throughout the pregnancy. In court cases dealing with custody and parental rights, the mother is generally favored. This reasoning could be what plays a significant part in why the mother usually gets custody of her child.

    I found out that if both parents are not married or never were the father has an extremely hard time in establishing any parental rights. This is because the mother decides whether the father is on the birth certificate or social security card. She does not have to grant any rights to the father and without any proof the father can't very easily have any parental rights for him. I did not know some of this. I also want to point out that I don't think this is right.

    Take this recent case over the custody a man had fought for regarding his son for nine years.. Am not sure if you heard about the this recent dateline story, about a Brazilian woman who was still married to an American man, abducted their four year-old son and returned to her home country.

    'Fighting For Sean': NBC Dateline Exclusive Report, Jan 30 | Bring Sean Home Foundation


    So, in your opinion, how do parents affect their children in regards to gender development and identity?
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
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    #2

    Mar 3, 2010, 09:28 PM

    For one thing your making mistatements.
    "quote: I found out that if both parents are not married or never were the father has an extremely hard time in establishing any parental rights. This is because the mother decides whether or not the father is on the birth certificate or social security card. She does not have to grant any rights to the father and without any proof the father can't very easily have any parental rights for him. I did not know some of this. I also want to point out that I don't think this is right. end quote"

    This is simply untrue. What has to happen is the father of the child has to go to court to assert their rights. It's that simple. One DNA test away and they have all the rights of the mother. Another thing is at that time paternity is established. He may put his name on the borth certificate by order of the court. The mother no longer has any say in the matter. Again an easy thing.

    Many courts still show bias towards the mothers and award them the children much more often then the dads. The main reason I believe is money. Most dads are treated in court rooms throughout america as walking wallets. Child support has become a huge governmental industry. And look at how it feeds the system if child support doesn't get paid in a timely fashion. Like in today's economy. Many people have lost jobs and more without being at fault. Gender development isn't about which parent as much as it is about the environment a child is in. Take away any part of the equation and you get a different answer. Just look around the world and try to relate it to your own experiences. DNA plays a part in aptitude but the environment forms the perspective for life. And its from that which our worlds are made into reality.
    tomder55's Avatar
    tomder55 Posts: 1,742, Reputation: 346
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    #3

    Mar 4, 2010, 05:23 AM

    and her husband tends to control how the bills will be paid, for example, will say which credit card needs to be used to pay for something.
    My wife has always been a better money manager than me . I gladly defer to her abilities .Major financial decisions are made jointly .
    NeedKarma's Avatar
    NeedKarma Posts: 10,635, Reputation: 1706
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    #4

    Mar 4, 2010, 05:35 AM
    My wife and I are perfectly equal in most everything in the marriage. We split the bills down the middle (we both work), both of us are involved childcare and household chores. I even took 4 months of parental leave for our first. I could not ask for sweeter kids.
    inthebox's Avatar
    inthebox Posts: 787, Reputation: 179
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    #5

    Mar 5, 2010, 05:39 PM

    Traditional family? Married mom and dad with their biological children. Sadly rarer and rarer these days.

    I think neither is better than the other. Their roles are different and important in their own way.

    Anectdotally, I think. in most cases, you have to have the opposite gender parent, assuming that relationship is healthy, growing up, in order to have a healthy relationship with the opposite sex as an adult.

    I know of too many women who have "daddy" issues - clingy, co-enabler, indiscriminant choices - because their father was not there to raise them, or left when they were young.

    As to child support, the average rate of compliance is 50%!! You the taxpayor, help raise these children. In the "traditional" family, husband is the main or sole breadwinner, while the wife stays at home. When divorced in these situations, the standard of living goes down for the women, [ paid less, lower paying jobs, less hours ], and up for the male, and the children suffer. If you want to decrease the rate of divorce and the societal costs, get rid of n0-fault, require pre- marriage classes on the big 3 [ money, sex, and child raising issues ].



    G&P
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
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    #6

    Mar 5, 2010, 05:47 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by inthebox View Post
    Traditional family? Married mom and dad with their biological children. Sadly rarer and rarer these days.

    I think neither is better than the other. Their roles are different and important in their own way.

    Anectdotally, I think., in most cases, you have to have the opposite gender parent, assuming that relationship is healthy, growing up, in order to have a healthy relationship with the oposite sex as an adult.

    I know of too many women who have "daddy" issues - clingy, co-enabler, indiscriminant choices - because their father was not there to raise them, or left when they were young.

    As to child support, the average rate of compliance is 50% !!! You the taxpayor, help raise these children. In the "traditional" family, husband is the main or sole breadwinner, while the wife stays at home. When divorced in these situations, the standard of living goes down for the women, [ paid less, lower paying jobs, less hours ], and up for the male, and the children suffer. If you want to decrease the rate of divorce and the societal costs, get rid of n0-fault, require pre- marriage classes on the big 3 [ money, sex, and child raising issues ].



    G&P
    Can you site your source for the 50% compliance rate on child support?
    inthebox's Avatar
    inthebox Posts: 787, Reputation: 179
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    #7

    Mar 5, 2010, 06:04 PM

    http://www.census.gov/compendia/stat...es/09s0549.pdf

    Actually only 46.9% received "full payments". 22.8% received nothing.



    G&P
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
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    #8

    Mar 5, 2010, 06:29 PM

    Thanks for posting the link. I see how it can be used to make the 50% argument. But in reality Compliance is a lot higher. What you have to understand and the chart doesn't address it is that child support usually starts in arrears. So those figures quoted may not be the real picture.
    amyjc's Avatar
    amyjc Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Sep 15, 2010, 12:35 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by califdadof3 View Post
    Thanks for posting the link. I see how it can be used to make the 50% argument. But in reality Compliance is alot higher. What you have to understand and the chart doesnt address it is that child support usually starts in arrears. So those figures quoted may not be the real picture.
    Hi Guys,
    I know this is an old post but this topic came up again in a different class that just started this semester - Social Research Methods. Anyhow, the professor had made a remark that a lot of men have not been paying child support. She was explaining it wasn't just because they were all deadbeat dads but because these men are having a hard time making ends meet and finding steady employment in our economy which is still not doing well--with unemployment still being 10% nationwide.

    Anyhow, I remember the link that was posted about the 46.9% compliance rate and mentioned this to her. She was real interested in this. So, I am back here to send her off the link. Thanks for posting this data inthebox. I shared this with my other professor who taught psychology (Gender of Psychology), where this topic was actually first addressed. She forwarded the link to everyone in the classroom after I e-mailed this to her!:)

    Although, before I forget to ask - I had quoted YOU califdad03 because I was reading through this again and wanted to ask if you could help explain and clarify some of this. When you typed "child support usually starts in arrears" - I think the last word may have been misspelled and I was not able to figure out what you were trying to say but really wanted to hear anymore of your input you wanted to add to this. You made some great comments that caught my attention, including other questions you have answered for me. My next question for you is that I was not familiar with the father having a right to have his name on the birth certificate. Are you sure about this? Or that it could just be in certain states and districts? In Maryland, where I live, I know that the mother has the rights of filling out the birth certificate and she makes the decision as to whether she wants his name on there.

    Now, that I think more about this, it doesn't seem that easy to me but just stressful and a painful struggle for a father to have to go through the process of getting a court date and getting through to a judge and a lawyer.. which, all sounds expensive because lawyers aren't cheap.. doesn't the parent need a lawyer to represent them and their case? Perhaps, some parents can't afford to go to court and that could be for mothers who can't afford to get a lawyer and take the father to court for child support payments.

    This was longer than I thought I would be making it.. I'm going to end here for now.. I am sorry if there are any sentence fragments or errors - if I don't catch it in red I am not going to be able to correct it.. I use to always reread my e-mails but I am taking 5 classes.. and real busy constantly with being in school full-time and trying to graduate this year.. and trying to just live a normal life... I hope this reads okay to you guys..

    You guys had great thoughts and feedback on this!
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
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    #10

    Sep 15, 2010, 01:36 PM

    Sorry but it wasn't a spelling problem.

    Ref:
    Arrears - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


    How it starts is that when a court order is generated for child support the support amount is unknown. You can guess at it but its not known until the courts rule on it. When making the order the amount in child support goes back to the filing date in many states. So if it takes 3 or 4 and even 6 months or more to get it final and the NCP (noncustodial parent) isn't paying the court ordered amount (which was unknown until decided) then they start by owing more then just the reguler amounts of child support. Those missed or shorted payment are what's called arrears and are treated very differently by many courts. As an example California courts award a 10% penalty for arrears. By federal law once arrears reach $1,500 dollars you can have your drivers license taken away (suspended) and have your passport revoked or refusal to issue on those grounds alone.

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