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    sos07's Avatar
    sos07 Posts: 16, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Dec 3, 2017, 03:02 AM
    Domestic Violence. Both have injuries, no witnesses, but cops arrest husband.
    Hi law experts,

    Please bear with me while I give you some background information on a domestic violence that happened between my wife and I in early Nov, 2017 in Santa Clara County, California.

    My wife didn't like a kitchen utensil container that I attached to the dish rack. I came home from work Mon. night and didn't see it attached to the dish rack. I confronted my wife and asked her calmly did she throw it away (which I found in the large city recycle bin). She said in a screaming voice she did, and that the kitchen is no place for men. I said that is crazy. I have every right to go into the kitchen or anywhere, for that matter, just as you do. I also told her most chefs are guys. "So what are you talking about?", I said.

    I then told her " Fine, if you are going to be like that, well I'll throw your things away, as well." So I went downstairs, grabbed her purse bag, and went out toward the backyard to throw it into the recycle bin. As I was grabbing her purse, she knocked down my hanging headphone and external computer fan. She then ran toward me and tried to yank her purse from me. But I completely pulled her purse from her and proceeded to throw it into the recycle bin. As my wife got a hold of my sweater and kept it behind her, I tried to reach behind her to grab my sweater. That was when I suddenly felt a painful bite on my inner biceps area, and let go of the sweater. I also felt a horizontal scratch on my upper right wrist. Both of my injuries were bleeding.

    3 police officers arrive within 1 hour and questioned each of us. My wife was upstairs while I was downstairs, so I did not see if she had any physical injuries or not, which she claimed she did while playing the victim, of course.

    By the time the police arrived, my biceps injury turn deep purple.

    The police asked if our kids (aged 14 and 18) saw what happened. Both said "No", because they both had headphones on while playing computer games and the kitchen where my wife and I argued the most was dark, as it was 8 PM.

    The police decided to arrest me, just because of what my wife said. "But I, too, suffer injury from her painful bite and scratch," I told the police officers. Apparently, they did not care what I said and how much injury I had. Just that they had to arrest someone. I fully and calmly cooperated with them, did not resist or become belligerent, and kept my mouth shut. After they handcuffed me and were about to escort me out, my wife came running down the stairs to plead with them not to arrest me. But to no avail.

    I have a clean record - have never use guns, drugs, stealing, gangs, etc. But my wife was arrested back in 2001 for cutting me on my forearm.

    I stayed in the county jail for 1 day, and got out on a $25,000 bail the next day. My court date arraignment is scheduled on Jan. 8, 2018.

    The bail bond paperwork says I am charged on an F PC 273.5. Is that the same thing as PC 273.5 (f)? The day I got released, court records show that I was scheduled to be in court in 2 days. But the bail bond company say I go on that court date only if bail was not posted.

    But now, I don't see my name listed for the Jan. 8, 2018 court date. However, Santa Clara County website stated it updates the list weekly. Will my name show up the week before Jan. 8, or has the DA drop the case?

    I have also read online, if the victim (which the police sided with my wife) do not show up in court or do not testify against me, does that mean the DA have no choice but to drop the case, also?

    And how will the DA prove beyond a reasonable doubt I was the perpetrator or instigator, based solely on the "she said" basis, while I also suffer injuries? I believe the 3 police officers were biased against me in the first place.

    Lastly, a lot of what I've read online always ends with " need to hire an experienced criminal defense attorney...". The way how every article/web page ends like that, sounds scripted as if every attorney was told to market himself/herself so they can justify the $300 or $500 or higher per hourly fee, plus retainer fee, plus court, travel expense, etc fee. Does that mean I need an "experienced defense attorney", or can I just pro se represent myself
    Since I cannot afford this so-called "experienced attorney" and their ridiculous and exorbitant fee?

    Thank you very much for your help and patience.
    ma0641's Avatar
    ma0641 Posts: 15,681, Reputation: 1012
    Uber Member

    Dec 3, 2017, 07:00 AM
    Over a dish rack?? You make it sound like you are the poor aggrieved party and since you wrote the post from 1 side, " police were against me", you really want someone to take your side. Over a dish rack? Childish millennial behavior.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,052, Reputation: 10852

    Dec 3, 2017, 08:11 AM
    I usually recommend an experienced attorney, because no matter how right you feel you are, a judge may not agree, or find you less credible than your wife. They certainly will believe the cops, especially if she called them. You think you have a shot against an experience prosecuting attorney? Don't be silly!

    At least TALK to one before you talk to a judge! Or see if the prosecutor will cut you a deal! Simple truth is once the cops are called and somebody gets arrested, they are SCREWED! Are you still in the home? Are you speaking? For sure YOU will pay a price for this dishwasher dispute, so will she, how much is really up to you.

    That's why you TALK to an attorney, because whether you can afford to pay him or not for his expertise, is irrelevant, but you can't afford NOT to LISTEN to him outline your options, or if he can ease the pain of your screwing! At least you will know what you SHOULD do for yourself BEFORE you talk to the judge, or the prosecutor.

    Talk with a lawyer then make a decision.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Dec 3, 2017, 09:13 AM
    Save your money. I take it your wife bailed you out. Any reason you didn't mention that?
    Listen to the bailbondsman.
    Keep checking the court date of 1/8.
    There - all set.

    You deserve the domestic violence charge. Even your version reeks of you going way overboard, never mind hers. What % of the cooking and clean up do you do, BTW? And what would you rate a little utensil holder vs. a purse? GOOD GRIEF. I'd have bit you too. Granted, I would have said 'go get it out of the bin yourself,' but somehow I'm not quite buying the use of the words 'confront' and 'calmly' in the same sentence. Bet you were just as loud as her response was.
    sos07's Avatar
    sos07 Posts: 16, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Dec 3, 2017, 10:44 AM

    Hi, thank you for your reply and insight.

    No, one of my sisters bailed me out, and, yes, I actually found the disk rack utensil gadget in the backyard recycle bin, and removed and cleaned it myself.

    As far as cooking and cleaning up in the kitchen, granted, I don't know how to cook and my wife always cook for our entire family, but I usually washed dishes after meals, even if they are not mine. I cleaned around house a lot, such as vaccuming, scrubbing the toilet, fixing things around the house, etc.

    I received the utensil dish racket gadget on Sat. found it missing late Sun night, and suspected my wife stored or threw it away after coming home from work because she's done this before.

    I know the dish rack gadget is petty stuff to fight over, but I wanted to ask to see what she says. Will she admit throwing it away or not? Because around mid-2000, she dumped 4 of my customer computers into the apartment large trash bin, where we lived at the time.

    Yes, in a heated argument, I, too, was loud. Also, I have asthma, so when I exerted more effort, such yelling as much as my wife did, I started to hyper ventilate and cough a lot. That's one of the reason I let go of my sweater during me and my wife tug of war with the sweater.

    True, I confronted my wife. But when I confronted her Mon. night after finding it in the recycle bin that Mon. morning at 8AM (after she had gone to work at 5:30AM), I asked her nicely (knowing I would cough a lot and hard of breathing because of my asthma), standing at the bedroom door frame why did she threw away the disk rack utensil gadget. That's when she screamed at me.

    I did not at any time yell at her. Only after she broke my headphone and computer fan, and after I randomly grabbed something she own and nearest to where I was standing (which happened to be her purse) when we both came downstairs while she continued to screamed at me about wanting her purse back and trying to yank her purse away from me is when I yelled back her during our frantic pulling back-and-forth her purse.

    And thank you for letting me know about not hiring an attorney. They are greedy scam artist. I'd have to file for bankruptcy if I did, hehee.

    Hopefully, the public defender will help me out at the Jan. 8 arraignment.

    Thank you again for taking your time out to reply joypulv :).
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,052, Reputation: 10852

    Dec 3, 2017, 11:35 AM
    A public defender is an EXPERIENCED attorney just cheaper.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Dec 3, 2017, 11:38 AM
    Your powers of good argument are TERRIBLE.
    ''Most chefs are guys'' is your idea of - what? Proof that you can't cook?
    She 'always' cooks; you 'usually' wash dishes? Hmmm.
    Your asthma is a rationale/excuse/cover for yelling? No, it's designed to distract. We are supposed to feel sorry for you. It's irrelevant, sweater tugging strength or not.

    Here's what I see deep within the lines: CHORE UNFAIRNESS
    The two of you need to sit down and discuss division of labor as though you are both interviewing for a posh hotel manager job on Tahiti.
    Each take a pen and paper and write down what you do in a given week, in a list on the left margin. Give each one an amount of time on the right.
    Also list how much time you are each gone from the house for work. She leaves at 5:30 am? What about you? Or do you have the delights of staying home and doing computer consulting?
    Change papers, and talk about it. No yelling. The interviewer is right there in the room.
    ''This seems a bit much'' or ''you really spend 3 hours a week grocery shopping'' is OK as long as it's a bit humorous and not accusatory.
    Work out a new list as homework.
    Take it to court with you. She can go, to concur. Like the judge wants to add an extra minute to the assembly line of cases (not).
    Let us know.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Dec 3, 2017, 06:15 PM
    Oh right. This is a legal question, not Dr. Phil
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member

    Dec 4, 2017, 04:20 PM
    Hire a lawyer... you usually get what you pay for... the free one is not usually the best one due to lack of experience and very high workloads. Get best you can afford.

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