I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. He has 4 kids, two of which are his daughter who is 7 and his son who will be 12 at the end of this week. Their mother passed away from cancer a few years back.

While I have been living with them it has been brought to my attention that the 12 year old had been touching the 7 year old inappropriately. Such as making out and humping on the trampoline outside, I caught him shaking his penis right in the youngster's face (who is 6) and touching of the 7 year olds private etc.. The father has also told me the 12 year old has done this to someone else's daughter at a babysitters place. So in total the 7 year old has come to us 3 times telling us he has touched her.

His father has sat him down each time telling him its wrong, that he is supposed to protected her from this. I only found out the severity of this yesterday when she told a friend at school that she had sucked her brothers . I sat her down and told her I wasn't mad, that I only wanted to know everything that had happened. He has fingered her, got her to suck on his penis and she said he laid on top of her (both naked) but his penis only went a little.

The 12 year old has taken classes in school about sex and we found porn on his iPod the other day. He knows what he is doing is wrong. We have talked to the 7 year old plenty of times telling her not to let anyone touch her private area, that its not for anyone but herself.

I'm so fed up with this, I just want him to stop and I don't know how.

Where's the father in this?

Someone needs to protect the children - and that very well may involve law enforcement, perhaps at the Child Welfare level.

I was a rape victim. I'm amazed that you haven't figured out that someone needs to protect these children from another child who is, at best, a user and very probably growing into a sexual offender.

Call CPS - and do it now.

Once you call CPS then CPS will be in your lives for a long time.

It also sounds like the boy is getting all the attention he wants and craves through negative behavior. What happens when the boy does something well? Is he praised? Your husband and you need behavior management training. Is he in organized sports or the boy scouts? Some type of activity that will consume his time, keep him active, so he doesn't have time on his hands for mischief. You do have a very short window to fix these issues otherwise I would agree - he might be a sexual offender if you don't.

These children need to get into counseling. Their mother died during their very formative years. This boy is possibly acting out due to this terrible disruption in his life.

All 4 of these children need counseling sooner rather than later.

He "fingered" another child AND a child performed oral sex on him?

I think this is beyond the "talking stage" and into the "action" stage.

At this point I don't think the child will grow into being a pervert - the child IS a pervert. I would care little if CPS involvement would last forever.

So will the scars on the female child who is being abused.

I say to stop the behavior now, no matter what the cause. Explaining her "private parts" to the female child who is being abused is - apparently - doing very little to stop the behavior of the older/abusive child.

Sorry but I don't agree with counselling and reasoning with the abuser. I see the need to stop the behavior as paramount.

EDIT: Scott and I posted at the same time. I agree - protect the female while getting help for the male in whatever form that "help" takes. I'd be interested in seeing what a child victim of rape and/or abuse has to say on this subject.

This is beyond what you or his father can handle. The children need professional help now. I don't necessarily think CPS is the answer, but professional therapy is.

But the bottom line is the boy should NEVER be allowed alone with any other children until it can be determined that the therapy has worked. I'm also wondering why the 7 yr old has allowed this behavior even after being told not to. Again they need therapy.

"the boy should NEVER be allowed alone with any other children" - I totally agree.

Having had a family member act out in a similar way, Judy you know my story, I don't necessarily agree with calling CPS. Having this child ripped from what little stability he has after the death of his mother will only cause bigger problems for all involved.

What worked for my family member was a visit by the police and a short visit to a jail cell followed by intensive counseling. That family member was the same age as this boy and is now a husband, father of two, has served in Iraq and is now a police officer himself.

I am in no way condoning this boy's behavior, but having him removed from his father will cause issues much greater than this. There are counselors who specialize in this behavior and the entire family needs to participate.

I will, however, agree that this boy should NEvER be alone with any child.

This must vary by State - if the alleged "abuser" is a child in NY CPS MUST be called - the Police have a duty to do so, to not investigate without that referral to CPS. It's the same standard which requires teachers, health care workers, to report abuse.

And, yes, I do understand.