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shimo · Apr 8, 2008, 08:41 AM

Hi

My son is almost nine years old, he is so smart and gets A's in math and science, but B's in language. He is so sensitive and has a lot of warm emotions, but he simply doesn't respect me, specially when he gets mad.
He usually gets mad when I ask him to do something or I ask him to start doing his homeworks. He takes a lot of time getting ready to practice or school, waking up, get ready to sit to do his home work, or even follow any direction.
I'm a graduate full time phd student, my time is so limited, and when he starts not respecting I warn him once and twice then I get mad about it and I start shouting, yelling and recently spanking.. when I punish him he really gets worse.
I really want to get the good things out of him he is so precious and I really love him but he doesn't give me a chance to show it up.

Please help me

talaniman · Apr 8, 2008, 09:36 AM

Where is his dad, and don't you think he needs more of your limited attention? I do. Kids need a lot of upfront, and personal attention, or they will act out to get it. Give it to him before he does act up, as for example take 15 minutes with him, before you ask him to get ready. Undivided attention.

shimo · Apr 9, 2008, 07:00 AM

Thank you for your reply. I forgot to tell you that his father is a phd student too but he is busier than me and we are both international students, our home country is in the middle east.
My son is tahing all my attention from the minute he arrives home, I ask him about how his day was going, I give him a snach and ask him to get ready for his swimming practice then we rush for swimming. When we are back I prepare dinner quickly then we have dinner togather then I ask him to get ready to do his homework. And when we are done its time for bed I read with him until he sleeps.
But during all these steps, when he doesn't want to do something he gets mad and not respecting. I don't study or work when the kids are home, and he is giving me hard times to do anything.

ldyastrid · Apr 9, 2008, 10:20 AM

It sounds to me like there's very little down time for all of you... and kids need a break too... he's always rushing to do something... school, practice, homework and bed - just to start all over again... it's no wonder why he's acting out... he may want to just veg but he's being pushed to get ready for ---- (fill in the blank).

Maybe letting HIM choose what he wants to do while you are busy making dinner and then after dinner, both of you work on his homework - I don't mean you do his homework - but be there with him while he does it so he's not doing it alone.

Maybe it's his way of releasing some frustration. Sounds to me like he needs a bit more free time instead of a very full schedule.

talaniman · Apr 9, 2008, 10:50 AM

Watch TV together, cartoon network??

haworthlois · Apr 10, 2008, 11:03 AM

Have you thought of rewarding him for positive behavior. Surely your child wants some electronic gizmo. Let him earn it with good behavior. When he does as he is supposed to do or as asked, reward him with a star on a chart. When he gets a number that you have agreed upon in the past, go get the reward for him. You may also take the stars away for bad behavior or suspend use of the reward for bad behavior. This also allows the child to see positive results and gives them something to think about, whether its good behavior or bad. This works in classroom and in home situations.

J_9 · Apr 10, 2008, 01:20 PM

Have you considered studying with him? My daughter is in 8th grade, my son in kindergarten. I too am a full time student. In the afternoons we have study time, we all sit at the table and study together. It's a great way to have quality time and everyone gets their work done. My 6 year old is even learning some big medical words (his favorite is oligohydramnios) LOL

talaniman · Apr 11, 2008, 09:36 AM

oligohydramnios) LOL

Bet you can't say that while your laughing!!