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    brd2death's Avatar
    brd2death Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Dec 16, 2016, 02:18 PM
    Son won't talk to father
    My son worked with his father for 17 years. They got into an argument over petty stuff one day and they both blew up on each other. My husband has seen him one time in 8 months, when my son stopped to get his tools out of the r=truck, my husband apologized that day, but it was not enough for my son. I have spoke with him many times about this, he keeps telling me it's more about the years of no respect and always being yelled at. My problem is he will NOT come over for any Holidays and I'm getting very depressed. I miss him and have not spent a Christmas without him in 35 years. I don't know what to do..
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member

    Dec 16, 2016, 03:31 PM
    Your son is old enough to know better, you might expect this from a teenager who doesn't know better but a 35 year old who should? Trust me one day he's going to regret this... harboring all this hate and resentment isn't doing him any good and its going to be self destructive in a number of ways. I'm guessing its more of a he was working FOR his father... more than just working WITH his father?

    Personally while your son is harping about respect.. its clear he doesn't manage to show any himself. Parents are ENTITLED to respect at the end of the day, you might not always agree with them... but you need to show respect to them.

    Don't expect an overnight change... but continue talking with him and trying to get through to him in a way you know works. Plant the seeds and hopefully something will grow that will let him see for himself he is both wrong and selfish acting this way... PARTICULARLY since it was over petty stuff to begin with.
    ma0641's Avatar
    ma0641 Posts: 15,681, Reputation: 1012
    Uber Member

    Dec 16, 2016, 08:23 PM
    At their ages they should BOTH be smarter.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Dec 17, 2016, 04:11 AM
    Your husband apologized. That could mean that he realized he was the one who got out of hand. Or he was just being the better man. Or he didn't want to lose his good worker...
    We can't possibly judge without being on the job with them for 17 years.
    This is about YOU. You miss your son. Many children are far away by the age of 35, and don't come home more than once a year, if that.
    You need to find new ways to fill your life, a group or class or art or writing or pot luck once a week or.....
    Meanwhile, see your son at a coffee shop when you can, and talk on the phone or online, but not too much! Remember that many parent/child businesses don't work out. Remember that your son has to sort out his place in the world as an adult who wants to think out life on his own terms. It's possible that he really has been too dependent on both of you.
    And be patient. The less desperate and grieving you are, the more likely he can sort himself out and maybe see that a true partnership with his father might be best for both of them. DON'T say that! Let him think of it himself.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,137, Reputation: 10852

    Dec 17, 2016, 01:43 PM
    Sorry for your misery, but there is nothing you can do but try to accept and adjust to your new reality. I know that doesn't help at this time, this year, and sucks to high heaven as advice, but in time you may be grateful enough for those 35 years you did have, and find some comfort in that.

    Sometimes the reasons they are gone doesn't matter because the FACT that they are hurts like hell! Please don't ask how I know... because even after all these years it still brings a little sadness even if they are doing GREAT! It's okay to feel sad when life brings changes from the good times you enjoyed.

    I totally feel YA!
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
    Family & People Expert

    Dec 19, 2016, 06:12 PM
    It is something that they need to work out between the two of them. The most you can do is encourage them to speak to each other in a positive way. Not in a nagging way (not that you are doing it, but just saying in case).

    Just know that regardless of your encouragement, they may still not listen, so manage your expectations for that.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert

    Dec 19, 2016, 07:17 PM
    I've always believed and followed the rule that one should never do business with family. This is why.

    17 years working together, and I'd bet that because they're father and son it wasn't easy. Your husband was likely in a higher position than your son, and therefore became his boss. As a boss your husband has to make sure that the business is running smoothly, and if it isn't he has to be hard on the employees. As a son your son probably felt that because daddy is the boss he could screw up and be a bit lax because daddy won't push him like he does the other employees.

    I'd bet money that the petty argument at work is because your husband had to put on his workers hat and junior didn't like it.

    Junior has to suck it up, and he needs to find a new job, and then he'll learn what work is really all about, because I'm sure your husband cut him way more slack than he deserved.

    Never ever work with family, it's not a good idea.

    Having said that, junior has to put on his big boy pants and realize that daddy and mommy won't be around forever, and that a stupid argument, which his father apologized for, shouldn't ruin the family.

    Your son is being extremely petty and selfish.

    I hope it all works out, but don't beg for Junior to come to Christmas. Junior has some lessons to learn, and it's high past time he did.

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