[bummy 24]

I have 2 girls an they were taking a bath together as they normally do.I walked in an my 7 year old was touching my 3 year in her privet area not sure what to really say to her it was late so I just yelled at her an sent her to bed but I know I need to talk to her I was just very upset cause I was touched as a child an I just dident know how to react to the hole thing.Im just not sure what to really say to her.Please help.Thanks

[Alty]

Yelling at her was a mistake. She's only 7. At that age touching isn't sexual. It's curiosity, or play, but that's it.

Since you already yelled, it's too late to take that back. If I were you I'd sit her down tomorrow, tell her you're sorry that you yelled, that it was wrong, and you shouldn't have done it. Then explain to her that touching someone in their private spots when they're not old enough to say it's okay, isn't okay. It's private. No one should touch another person in their private spot without their permission, and no one should touch her in her private spot without her permission, and she's too young for to give permission.

Don't get too grownup about it, just make sure she knows that personal space and private spots are to be respected. That touching them without permission, isn't okay ever.

Then let it go.

I was molested as a young child too. But just because you were, doesn't mean your daughters will be.

Have you ever had counseling for what you went through? I'd recommend it. Not only to help you, but to help you deal with your children, because there will be other issues of this nature as they grow up, and scaring them, making them think that all touch is bad, will only harm them if you continue to react badly to even innocent things like this.

[jenniepepsi]

At this age I wouldn't even go into the permission issue. Private parts are private and they stay that way. Explaining anything about permission at this age may only open the door to her asking people if she can touch or see their privates. I would keep it simple and keep it at private. Plenty of time later in teen years to talk about permission to touch.

[FirstChair]

If you think about it, big sister has watched mama changing little sister's diaper over and over... and you touching her all over to bath her and wash her hair. Could it be she was only repeating in a way what she saw you do again and again? After all, according to what you have shared they've been taking baths together as usual. Besides, you don't know what happened prior to that; your 3 year old could have innocently touched.

Do you know for sure your 7 year old has not been touched by anyone at any time inappropriately? Now that you have witnessed something that made you feel uncomfortable, 1. You might be overreacting because of your history. 2. Beware of both daughters' surroundings and who enters their space. For this reason I do agree with Alty, she needs to know good touch and bad touch, it is time. Have that talk with your 7 year old when all is calm. Maybe using a doll to demonstrate what parts are private and that it's OK for mama to touch little sister because you are her mother and little sister has been too young to bath herself, just like at one time you were too young and mama had to touch and bath you. Maybe you still help her wash her hair though. Perhaps brushing her hair before she goes to bed could be a bonding thing with you and a good way to touch of course and to even have a delicate talk while brushing her hair, especially when feelings have been hurt, that is if you think she would accept it. Just a suggestion…take care of you.