[artlady]

thank you all for the support and help and kind words.

i agree J_9 that i dont want to be encouraging her behavior, and i wont always be there, especially with her starting school next month. but i have tried punishing before (time out, taken away toys/movies/games, taken away privilegeds, early bedtimes, even some of the 'bad' ones like going to bed without supper, or spankings)

and none of it seems to work. thats why i was looking at alternatives. i might even ask her doctor about the herbal supplements i was on when i was a teen. ginko biloba and st johns wart.

Please be sure to investigate any herbal supplements,it is medicine,they are not regulated and are not tested.The potential for problems is risky.
They are often counter productive,especially in regard to psychiatric problems.
Good luck hon,I know it can't be easy!

[jenniepepsi]

Yeah that's why I was going to ask the doctor about them. I took them as a teen (my doctor knew) but ayla is only 5. could be VERY different for her. In fact, I'm SURE it WOULD be different for her. If she can even HAVE them at this age

[artlady]

yeah thats why i was going to ask the doctor about them. i took them as a teen (my doctor knew) but ayla is only 5. could be VERY different for her. in fact, im SURE it WOULD be different for her. if she can even HAVE them at this age

I don't know your situation but I would always try to get a second opinion.
I have done so many times and actually spared myself a major surgical procedure by doing so.
If you are at all able to do ,get some other opinions.

I know you are being cautious,that is clear ,keep in mind,even doctors can disagree.

I would also ask him about potential allergies,which can cause many issues with kids.

I know how hard this is ,you want the best and you rely on others for information and you have to sift through what sounds good and does not.

Hang in there kid:)

[jenniepepsi]

Hello girls. I wanted to update you. We went to a new doctor for a second opinion like.. um.. someone suggested, sorry forgot who. Lol.
And I think I am going to STICK with this doctor. He spent 2 hours with us! Most of the first hour was simply playing with ayla. Talking to her and watching her play and how she interact with me.

Then he spent the last hour talking to me about EVERYTHING. First he said he agrees with the other doctor, she does not seem to have any ASD, or SPD types of issues.

He agreed with me that she may be ADHD, and perhapes bipolar as I am. But he feels the same as the previous doctor and feels she is too young to diagnose her for sure and wants to wait a few years before treating her with more than simple home care

He agreed with me that she has MAJOR issues with behavior. But then he pointed out something I NEVER thought of before, because I am just too air headed aparently.

He told me to tell him EVERYTHING that has happened negitively to me, her, and us since she was born...


Her biological dad left when she was 2 months old, which sent me into a depression, and my mom essentially took care of her unless I was breastfeeding for perhapes 5 months or so

When she was 1, I met a guy, lets call him chris just for fun ;) who we dated for a few months (I don't remember how long) and ayla started getting attached to him and calling him dada. However he moved away (funny he never said goodbye, jerk huh?) and we never heard from him again.

Then I met a man named matt. We dated for even longer, (2 years almost I think) we lived with him for a while, and ayla called him daddy. However, as time went by, he felt he was not ready for a child at that point in his life, though he loved us both. And he left us too. Which I completely understand. It's a hard decision to be a step parent.

Met issac when she was 3, and he moved in with us at moms house. We got married, which she was excited to be a part of and found our own place

Issac and I had A lot of issues, with his depression and my bipolar, and fought often. Then we lost the apartment after about 10 months and we moved back into moms house.

Then we found this place. Issac and I were in crisis. Issac told her that SHE was the cause of all our problems (I was so angry about that) issac and I fought and yelled and abused each other, (hitting, slapping cussing, calling each other names, it wasn't one sided, I did it too)
My bipolar was in full swing and unmedicated, (I am on meds now) so even when issac was not home, I was still tense and angry most of the time.

About 3 months later, me and issac split up (last october) and we were at my moms house, with no contact with her daddy (issac) for 6 months.

Because of school starting, ayla and I had a talk about her real father. And how her last name is different than mine and issacs. She SEEMED understanding and OK with it... but still that's a hard issue for a child to deal with.

We moved back in with issac. And issac and I started counseling and do not fight like we did. We still argue, but NOT until ayla is asleep.

Things are so much better now, and while I do see an improovement, I wasn't stepping back far enough to see the rest of it.

So... yeah... once I told the doctor everything that happened negitively, and he was writing it all down, he showed me the paper he wrote it all down on. And it was FULL of CRAP!! I couldn't believe I never thought that her behavrial issues could have been linked to her life situation/experiances. Which makes sense now, but it never did before.

He told me that she most likely IS ADHD, and we can deal with that when she is older, however for now, he suggested finding a good child psychologist for her to see once a week/once a month depending on what the psychologist says.

He said that her personality is VERY sensitive, probably because of so many upheavals in her infancy and early toddler years.

Wow thanks for listening ladies. Didn't realise this was going to be so long

So we finally have our answer. The adhd I can live with, as I have it as well, and I am relieved to know that she doesn't have any more serious issues. Perhapes now I can stop stressing out, as it seems my stressing is making her worse

[J_9]

Jennie, I am so glad you found a doctor who would listen to you and spend time with you and your daughter.

Now, had I, and some others, known the background, we probably would have seen the same thing.

Remember that we are role models for our children. What we do and say is represented in their actions. They are truly mirror images of us, although they may not have the language to verbalize it.

I'm glad to hear that the doc is not willing to medicate her at this point, as good parenting can sometimes correct this at such a young age.

You and "Isaac" need to learn not to argue, even if she is not around. She will still sense tension in the morning or whenever she sees you all. It may be good for all of you to get into some kind of family counseling.

[jenniepepsi]

Yeah I've been thinking about family counseling as well. Thanks for your advise J_9. :)

We argue and talk things out at night because I don't like going to bed angry, because if I do, I end up waking up 10 times more angry. But your right, she will feel the tension, but that's why we don't go to bed until we get it worked out, or at least agree to disagree.

You remind me of my aunt who is also a nurse (she is a cardiac intensive care nurse I think, the term might be different but you get the idea lol, she nurses the patients after heart surgery and other heart emergencys :P )

But she is always there with great advise too

[J_9]

Hun, it seems as though your relationship(s) are toxic. Not only to you, but to your daughter as well. Although she is in bed, I am sure she feels the tension. She may not be asleep. She may feel the tension the next day as well.

[artlady]

Jennie I am so pleased to hear that you have a doctor who is willing to spend quality time with you and your daughter.That is a great beginning.

Coping with a child with ADHD is a tremendous challenge and I have seen parents who have gone to support groups for answers and have found it to be a great help.

Just knowing you are not alone is helpful.

I found this link and I think this is one of the better ones that address this issue.

I hope you will find it helpful and I also think you should look in your area for any ADHD support groups.

This is a family issue after all and everyone needs to be on the same page regarding how you are going to address your daughter's specific problems.

I hope this site is useful to you and I am confidant that the information they give is accurate.

Hang in there Jen,it won't be easy but parenting rarely is.
Take care.

ADHD Information and Support to help your child

[jenniepepsi]

Hehe yeah I get the feeling that in a few years I'm going to be going to my mom and saying 'im so sorry' I had adhd too and still do (if you can't tell ;) ) and I must have put her through hell, considering I had pretty severe adhd and ayla only seems to have mild to moderate. Lol

[chicagotulips]

Have you thought about possibly finding a pattern for a sling and having one made to fit your daughter? Any seamstress could make it I'm sure... and that way you could make it the specific size you wanted. Also, you could pick a fabric that your daughter would like... increasing the comfort factor

[jenniepepsi]

That is a great idea chicagotulips. I will look into that! Thanks

[chicagotulips]

No problem!

Good Luck in your search!!