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mybeautifuldaughter · Jan 16, 2008, 02:44 PM

:confused: My daughter was born almost 13 years ago. Her biological father saw her when she was 2 weeks old and then my daughter and I moved from one state to another. He knew where we went and how to contact us for anything. He chose not to. On her first birthday we got $100.00 and a car seat. Now after 12 years he wants to become a part of her life. I do not know what to do. Should I let my daughter give him a chance and hopefully she will not get disappointed? Or do I disappoint her myself and tell him no? He does not pay child support or anything. I did not put him on her birth certificate and pretty much let him do as he wanted to 12 years ago. I guess that was a BIG mistake. Can any one give me some pointers on what I should do?

N0help4u · Jan 16, 2008, 03:30 PM

Do whatever it takes to get his name added to the birth certificate and apply for child support.
Let her see him when they want and is convenient to schedules. Don't let him just decide when it is convenient for him to take her. I wouldn't encourage him or set up any type of joint custody at least until you all feel comfortable with it. If you refuse to let him see her it could end up her resenting you for it and holding it against you. She needs to learn for herself. Just because you may have had a bad relationship doesn't necessarily mean they will.

nice2meetya · Jan 31, 2008, 08:20 PM

My husband just decided to be apart of his seven year old daugther's life. It has been REALLY hard on me. But we really need to think of the children. As much as you don't want to have your daughter get to know him, maybe they both need this. I know that my husband said that he wants to change and do the right thing from now on. His daughter's mom has been gracious enough to let him do that without much grief. He is really happy. I hope things work out for you too.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 31, 2008, 08:24 PM

First no, his name does not have to be on the birth certificate to get child support, you merey have to file, and if he accepts responsibility, signs, he will have to pay, if he chalenges it, you get a DNA test ( court may requrie a DNA test either way)
But to be honest you should have first had a child custody order in place from the week she was born and a child support order.

At this point, I would let the child decide, but either way, you should file for child support.

ScottGem · Jan 31, 2008, 08:33 PM

If he pursues it, he can probably force visitation. If you challenge him, he can force a DNA test and then file for visitation. Unless you can prove he's a danger to her he will probably get visitation. You may be able to force supervised visitation initially.

You can counter sue for child support and that may cause him to back off. But I would first talk with your daughter and see what she wants. She is old enough to be a part of the decision.

cgregory67 · Jan 31, 2008, 09:42 PM

Perhaps the move to another State was too much distance for him to maintain a relationship. 12 years is a long time, he probably regrets and feels a parental urge to know his daughter. Seems your only focus is the monetary responsibility at this time but you left the state, you didn't include him on the birth certificate, and you did not seek help from him in raising her, you basically alienated their relationship. Again, 12 years is a long time but not to late, if you stop this your daughter may resent you some day.