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    shtkickr's Avatar
    shtkickr Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Oct 21, 2009, 11:34 PM
    Should I allow him to take the kids for the weekend?
    I have 4 kids, my oldest is 8 has a different father than the younger 3, but their dad, clayton, has been in his life since he can remember and has been "dad" to him and his brothers and sister. Till recently when out of the blue clayton called me a whore and beat the hell out of me. Swear to god.
    For almost 2 weeks I didn't hear from him at all, till he found out from his mom that the kids and I weren't even at home since the night after he left. Now, he keeps texting me or leaving me voicemails asking to take the kids for the weekend to our old place in red deer- like an hour and a half away. I wouldn't speak to him for a month after my mom came and packed up my kids and me, but had had enough of his taunting and lies last week and texted him back telling him no because I don't have a vehicle right now. He still thinks I want to talk about our relationship and that I'm going to fight with him to get him back, yet I would rather die. The reason I left with the kids is that he beat me up so bad, I had a miscarriage and I didn't even know I was pregnant. When my mom came she had no idea what had happened and had gotten concerned after my best friend told her I had messaged her saying he beat me the up but couldn't get ahold of me afterwards and was getting really worried about me. My phone had died right after I'd sent the message and I was in too much pain and bleeding like crazy to go looking upstairs for my charger, so I fell asleep in the basement on the floor of the living room with the twins and the baby. I'd been expecting my period for about a week I think? And assumed I was just getting it late and bleeding so bad because he'd kicked me so hard when my body was in a weaker state than normal.
    Right after he'd beat me up, my oldest son who had been taking a shower, came out of the bathroom and asked what happened and ran up to me and tried helping me up and clayton said, 'your moms a effing whore. Ask her what that means' and headed upstairs. The twins had come from their room when it started and saw the whole thing as always and were crying. I could hear the baby crying upstairs so I got up and when I made it to my room where she was sitting just in the doorway in her carseat, clayton was coming back in the house from the car. I was trying to reach her bottle in my purse which was on the dresser just past the baby and he slammed into me and pushed me aside and I couldn't keep myself from falling on top of the baby so he could reach my purse and grab my money. Then he stormed outside and I went after him and asked for the money back please because we were completely out of diapers and almost out of formula. He locked the car doors and as he rolled up the window he said something about not making a scene and embarrassing him so I walked behind the car and asked please making sure to keep quiet. He backed right up and would have run me over because he didn't stop, I had to jump out of the way and he took off.
    I went to the hospital when we got to the city and they did some exams and tests and told me to wait for the blood test results but to go to the police. Which I did, but can't charge him because I have to go to red deer to. About a week later, I got a call from the doctor and found out I had been pregnant. My ex doesn't believe me. But I have proof and pictures of the bruises.
    A week ago he said he's taking me to court for full custody because according to him I am too crazy to have them. I haven't kept it secret where we are- he knows. But even though he asks every other day to see them, he hasn't made any effort. The next day he sends me a text saying he lied to me and is only going for joint custody. Tonight, like 2 hours ago, he texted me "Can i get the kids this week. Ill take them out and bring them home when you want." and then a few minutes ago he sent another saying " i miss them"
    I just want to know if I should. If maybe I have to let him have another chance just in case he does miss them and maybe he's going to make an effort to be their dad and I remember missing my father to pieces after my parents divorced and all I wanted was my dad... but I've been through hell the past few weeks with the way the twins have been reacting to everything and I know its going to be a long long hard time and ill need mountains of patience till that's going to end after everything they've seen happening at home. I feel that if he took them, all the time I've spent helping them to calm down and listen and not be violent will be wasted.
    But then I'm afraid he might start talking more BS and calling cfs again and effing me over in court because he's got filthy rich parents and a lawyer.
    What should I do??
    rockie100's Avatar
    rockie100 Posts: 313, Reputation: 64
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    #2

    Oct 22, 2009, 12:50 AM

    You should make a police report. Apply for a restaining order. Always document everything concerning this matter. Make an appointment with social services give them all info. Bring your children in to a therapist. Talk to a lawyer. After a duration, he will probably see his children, visits could have to be under supervision at first. Protect yourself and them at all costs. Good luck to you.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #3

    Oct 22, 2009, 03:28 AM
    Document document document.

    Call the police and ask why you cannot make a report from where you are. If they still say no, the phone the police where the assault happened, and ask that somebody record the information in a report, or, ask them if you can send documented detail as to the exact circumstances surrounding the assault. Include copies of pictures and medical reports and summaries.

    That this assault has happened, and it was so violent and out of control, makes me think that had he had a weapon, he would have used it. You must consider this when you're thinking about allowing your children to visit with him. Don't be fooled. If he were a decent father and person, he would not have beaten you to the point where you lost a baby, while all the other children were in the home. Left dealing with the aftermath I might add.

    It is impossible, absolutely impossible, for him to have a normal, loving relationship with his children after what he has done. You do see that don't you? That he will influence them in any way, will only confuse them. How can they reconcile the beast that bloodied their mother, with the father that now has a smile on his face and wants to go bowling.

    Keep them as far away from him as possible. As has been mentioned, the restraining order should include him staying away from them as well. Alert the school when you get that document or you may find one of them missing one of these days.

    It is imperative that you speak to a lawyer to get the ball rolling on support as well.

    You do realize that the time immediately following a violent separation, is when many domestic homicides occur? I urge you to seek help through a women's shelter- they are experts at giving you sound advice to protect yourself, and your children.

    It is your duty and responsibility to protect them.
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Oct 22, 2009, 11:38 PM
    Do not under any circumstances allow this man to be with your children.

    A restraining order is definitely called for.

    Get yourself to a legal center or women's refuge and ask for their advice and speak to the police immediately. Let them know you're concerned about your children's safely - as some police stupidly believe they should ignore 'domestic' disputes. Show them the pictures and the medical report as proof.

    Clayton is not to be trusted at the moment and you should not be communicating with him until you've had legal advice.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,273, Reputation: 5644
    Expert
     
    #5

    Oct 23, 2009, 01:16 AM
    While I agree with ALL of the advice above, I don't understand why a police report was not made at the hosptial. Typically this is very common procedure in this type of case.

    Get the photos of the injuries as well as the medical documentation to support the abuse and go to your local magistrate for an order of protection.

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