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vicjones23 · Jun 11, 2008, 03:31 AM

Hi My daughter sleeps at her dads house two days a week and Recently she has told me that she shares her bedroom with her older brother I thought there was some kind of law against this my daughter is only 4 years and her half brther is 13 yrs old I am personally not happy about this but I don't know what I can do about it

ScottGem · Jun 11, 2008, 06:20 AM

There isn't much you can do about. There aren't laws about this. And frankly, I'm not sure there is a big problem here. If she was several years older, there might be.

I would make sure she understands what inappropriate touching is and that she should report any to you immediately, but be careful you don't put ideas in her head.

I would also discuss it with the father, but calmly.

blackblue · Jun 18, 2008, 05:03 PM

I pretty much agree with the last post.

I shared a room with my brother until 5th grade (he was 4th grade) and currently a friend of the family's two kids share a room (boy16 and girl12)

There isn't a law against it (unless you are a foster or adopting parent then they suggest separate rooms) and there really isn't much of a problem UNLESS the 13 year old is inappropriately touching your child.

ScottGem · Jun 18, 2008, 06:12 PM

Originally Posted by blackblue

currently a friend of the family's two kids share a room (boy16 and girl12)

That worries me. A 16 yr old boy should NOT be sharing a room with a 12 yr old girl. A 12 yr old girl is going through a lot of bodily changes that require privacy. And a 16 yr old boy has raging hormones and this is putting too much temptation in his path.

blackblue · Jul 11, 2008, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

That worries me. A 16 yr old boy should NOT be sharing a room with a 12 yr old girl. A 12 yr old girl is going thru a lot of bodily changes that require privacy. And a 16 yr old boy has raging hormones and this is putting too much temptation in his path.

People are WAY too hung up about sex.Just because they are of opposite sex, doesn't mean they are going to partake in sexual acts.Will sleeping in the same room with his mother tempt him to molest her?

I was 12 once, and I do not remember any changes that required privacy(although it is best because we all need our space)

I do understand where you are coming from, don't get me wrong.;)

ScottGem · Jul 12, 2008, 05:00 PM

You are entitled to your opinion. I stand by my advice here.

simoneaugie · Jul 12, 2008, 09:39 PM

I agree with blackblue completely. Just because something can happen doesn't mean that it has to. The girl "privacy" thing and boys "losing control" crap is well, crap. Respect for self and knowing what is appropriate is enough if kids aren't taught to make a mystery tour of their differences.

thisnthatshoppe · Jul 12, 2008, 09:49 PM

Where I live, there ARE laws. Once the children are old enough to understand the difference between boys and girls, the law requires separate bedrooms. I agree with the others that just because something could happen does not mean it will. If you are concerned, logically, you should discuss it with the father. I would not turn it into a huge ordeal at this point. Just tell him you are not comfortable with the arrangements.

N0help4u · Jul 13, 2008, 09:45 AM

Thisnthat
Is that state law or is it Child protective services or housing laws

I agree with Scott you are suppose to protect your kids and having them sleep in the same room you have NO idea what is really going on while you are sleeping. I have heard so many stories years later when kids grow up saying that their older brother was having sex with them from the time they were 4 (or whatever age). Why add to the 'availability'??

My ex husband's mother had 7 kids and she would take off for days at a time leaving the oldest son to babysit and he molested them ALL (2 brothers 4 sisters) from the time they were baby's.
Last I heard he was in prison for molesting his 6 month old daughter.

Using better judgment and adult supervision are 'for the best interest of the child'
If the child ever goes to school and says my brother sleeps with me and he does this and that the parents aren't going to have a leg to stand on.

ScottGem · Jul 13, 2008, 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

I agree with blackblue completely. Just because something can happen doesn't mean that it has to. The girl "privacy" thing and boys "losing control" crap is well, crap. Respect for self and knowing what is appropriate is enough if kids aren't taught to make a mystery tour of their differences.

Its not crap. There are loads of horror stories that prove its not crap. I'm not saying that the 16 yr old is going to rape his 12 yr old sister. Though it happens, there are various levels of inappropriate behavior that could and has happened in such situations.

Yes, if they are raised well it might not be a problem, but its not a situation I would encourage. That's what I'm saying. If it can't be helped, they the parents have to deal with it. But it should be avoided.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 13, 2008, 11:32 AM

I will agree with scott, things happen way to often, and putting children into possible dangerious situations should be avoided. And for those that read the 1000' of horror stories we get here and read in the news should know how often these things happen.

N0help4u · Jul 13, 2008, 11:33 AM

Yeah it is always the 'NOT my child' denial story