Where do parents stand when their child has been given a Saturday Detention that they do not consent to?

Is this an argument worth pursuing. My child has been given a Saturday detention because she was involved in an incident last week, which resulted in another girls hair being cut. There were 3 other pupils involved, two boys and another girl. It was rather a foolish if not spiteful dare. Which I as her parent cannot condone. The four of them were seated in a row (Year 9) and one of the girls in front has extremely long hair. One of the boys said that her hair was a mess and needed a cut. The first boy took his scissors out of his pencil case and passed them to his friend who cut a small lock of the girls hair, he then passed them to my daughters best friend who proceeded to cut a small lock of the girls hair. She then passed the scissors to my daugther who at that point said she did not want to do it. By this time children in the row behind were involved and were egging her on. She knew it was wrong but cut it too. Much to my disappointment and upset.

On hearing about what she did I took her straight around the girls house for her to apologise to the girl and her parents for the upset she had caused. I asked her to explain how it came about that they had done such a foolish thing. I must add that the girl has so much hair that she was not upset about the matter and kept saying to my daughter that it was OK she'd forgiven her and was not cross. But understandably her mum was, and so she should be, I would be the same.

The girls gave a full statement on the events, but as the second boy will not admit that he too cut the hair he is not being punished on a Saturday. I am the only parent that took action outside of school, with regard to apologies and home punishment etc. This fact does not bother me. But what does bother me is the injustice of the punishment not being equal. The facts are they are all guilty of involvement no matter what and they should be punished equally full stop.

We have been in to school and informed them of our actions outside of school with regard to visiting the family and told them that we are not against them punishing our daughter as long as the other children involved are all being punished the same. Indeed we are punishing our daugther at home ourselves already in order that she does not bow to peer pressure again.

The school will not budge on this and are saying that the punishment they have set still stands. We have reached a stalemate. What is the law on this. Surely if I am not issuing consent they cannot hold my daughter to doing the detention.

Sorry I don't know the exact ins and out of the legal situation.

In terms of your question on whether this is worth pursuing, I can see why you are angry that the punishment is being meted out unfairly.

However, my stance with my own children was always that if they committed the crime they did the time. In this situtation I would have explained that I can't be responsible for someone else's child but that the punishment for them was correct and that the purpose of it is to help them reflect on what they have done wrong and learn to do better next time. I would say that while the little boy might have got off this time he wouldn't be learning to do better and would probably get in trouble for something worse one day if he doesn't learn.

Once they had done their punishment I would praise them for owning up and for accepting their punishment (assuming they did so) and tell them I know they will do better next time.

Sadly life is often unfair and I believe one of our jobs as parents is to teach our children to handle this and to do what is right regardless of what anyone else does.

Your choice of course, just my perspective.

I have to completely agree with QLP here.

While your child did not really want to do this, the fact remains that she did.

You took the adult approach in taking her to apologize, but in most schools these days there is a zero tolerance policy and I see this almost as bullying. The girl they did this to is humiliated beyond belief.

The punishment fits the "crime."

I agree with the others. It is commendable, and appropriate, that she went to apologise, but it does not negate the punishment from the school.

She should accept the consequences for her decision, serve the detention, and hopefully learn from the experience.

As a parent, you did the right thing with having her go round to apologise, but you are not doing the right thing by trying to help her avoid the consequences of her actions.

I believe tat the school should have had even stiffer punishments, this sort of behavior only leads to worst actions. The fact that this child let others lead her into this action makes me feel that she could easily be lead into other actions.

You should be glad they are acting and 100 percent support the school

The fact is, is that your daughter is a follower. Not a leader. As responsible parents we have to teach our children that this sort of behavior is unacceptable.