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Mopar392 · May 12, 2009, 10:01 PM

Here's the deal.
We've been married for a year. We had already agreed on not having children not for another 2 years.
Here cousin gave a birth to a baby girl, and now she wants one.
Not only she but even my parent saying they want to see their grandchild.
With the salary I have and the loan I'm repaying and basic bills (phone & electricity), I don't have enough money to take care of a child.
We fought over the phone last night (because I'm working away) and she still insist of having a child.

Another thing that stopping me of having a kid (and you're the only guys I'm telling) is: I don't have a car and I've never bought a car (I'm driving my father car) so I want to buy my first brand new one. The car I want is between $45-50,000 and I could make up this amount if I worked overtime and planned the child's birth on Jan 2011.

Please help me on how to convince her or me!!

Sahi444 · May 12, 2009, 11:42 PM

Y don't u tamper with your finances so that the amount needed for the car is hidden from her view and give her an account of the other expenses and ask her to find money enough to raise a child?

Jake2008 · May 13, 2009, 01:35 AM

If you are not ready to have a child, don't have a child.

Being married only a year, and waiting two years will give you time to sock away some money and be a little more secure and settled.

You have already agreed not to have children for two years; this is no surprise to your wife, and she shouldn't be pressuring you.

You may find that all that overtime for the expensive car may sound good now, but closer to the time of having a baby, you may have to settle for something less expensive. ;)

Gemini54 · May 13, 2009, 02:26 AM

Having a child is a huge responsibility and should, ideally, be agreed to by both partners.

Your wife is probably feeling clucky because she's seen her cousin's baby. But, babies aren't like the latest accessory, they are a life time responsibility.

If you're not ready, you should, in a really loving way, let her know. Tell her that you really want to have children with her, but that at the moment you have another priority which has been a dream of yours for a long time.

Don't talk about this over the phone - do it when you're at home and you can tell her how important she is to you.

Just a word of advice - if you really don't want to get pregnant - you may have to use condoms as well.

stevetcg · May 13, 2009, 06:26 AM

Originally Posted by Sahi444

Y don't u tamper with ur finances so that the amount needed for the car is hidden from her view and give her an account of the other expenses and ask her to find money enough to raise a child?

So lying is the best course of action? I don't think so.

Sahi444 · May 13, 2009, 07:45 AM

Telling the truth may cause the wife to leave or something ma'am I don't disregard your view but that's what I wud've done in his place

stevetcg · May 13, 2009, 07:48 AM

Originally Posted by Sahi444

Telling the truth may cause the wife to leave or something ma'am I don't disregard ur view but that's wat I wud've done in his place

If the only way to save the relationship is by lying, I think its doomed anyway.

danielnoahsmommy · May 13, 2009, 07:51 AM

If you are waiting to be financially stable... I understand. In all honesty... with your financial situation posted... all financial fixes may never happen. There will never be a perfect time to have a baby. Not many people conceive the first time they try and may take over a year to get pregnant. That would work well with your time line as of now.

jenniepepsi · May 13, 2009, 09:53 PM

Its normal for your wife to want a baby now that there is a new baby in the famliy.

Be honest with her. Sit down and have a honest, heart to heart conversation with her and explain WHY you do not want to have a child yet.

N0help4u · May 14, 2009, 07:10 AM

So discuss a plan with her.

I really don't get the NEW car because I had four kids and lived on a thousand a month.
I was happy with whatever car I got. You can buy a decent car for 2 to 3 thousand.
With the uncertainty of the car/fuel issues I would be worried about buying an expensive car now. Who knows they might say we have to get rid of all our vehicles for the future fuel efficient cars.

danielnoahsmommy · May 14, 2009, 07:16 AM

The cars and everything else is just an excuse and he ought to fess up to his wife and tell her he does not want kids now and may never want one

artlady · May 14, 2009, 08:06 AM

Have you actually sat down and tried to make up a budget of what it would cost you to have a baby?

Starting with insurance payments for medical bills down to monthly cost's of having a child?

The cost of child care once she is ready to return to work?Will you need to relocate to accommodate a baby?

Perhaps if you did some research and could break down or at best approximate the yearly costs of a child,she could see your point of view.

She is approaching this from an emotional point of view and you need to give her the data to support your position.

I think you need to make your desire for a car known as you need to be honest and on the same page.

There is also an old school of thought that if you wait to afford a baby,you will never will have one because there will always be one expense you did not anticipate.

Compromise in a marriage keeps it healthy,so it is in your favor to see if there is not a compromise to be had.

Mopar392 · May 14, 2009, 10:48 AM

That's what I'm afraid of.. I don't know what the expenses of having or raising a child properly.
The only reason I want to buy a brand new car because I know I wouldn't care about anything else after that.

Is it true that if the woman's desire of having a baby is so much and being faced with a rejection, that it might reflect on her fertility?

Jake2008 · May 14, 2009, 02:03 PM

I think that you might want to do a little research on what happens to finances when you have a baby.

It is true that while you may be prepared as you think you possibly can be, take that estimate and double it. ;)

The real cost of raising a baby | BabyCenter

artlady · May 14, 2009, 02:25 PM

Originally Posted by Mopar392

That's what I'm afraid of.. I don't know what the expenses of having or raising a child properly.
The only reason I want to buy a brand new car because I know I wouldn't care about anything else after that.

is it true that if the woman's desire of having a baby is so much and being faced with a rejection, that it might reflect on her fertility??

I have never heard anything about fertility that states what you said.
I do believe there is some evidence that trying to get pregnant and actually failing every month creates a stress that is counter productive to conception.You should also be aware that sometimes it takes a couple six months to a year to conceive.

Jake has given you a good link to a site telling you what to expect in the way of finances.

Mopar392 · May 14, 2009, 05:08 PM

Ok we talked today.. After I explained to here how much I pay for the loan and how much would be left and how much a child needs (using the great site, but we doubled the est.), she agreed we wait until we figure our financial situation or mid-next year whichever comes first.
I told here I'm going to need to buy my new car and she agreed but only if she liked it.

Thanks you all for the help...

Squiffy78 · May 16, 2009, 06:42 AM

She is broody because she has just had a new addition to the family, it is normal. There will probably never be a right time to have a child financially, there always have to be some compromise. Babies often don't happen staright away, it may take you both years to conceieve anyway, you can't really plan it that well! And lastly, for the love of god do not tell your wife that you would rather spend the money on a car than having a child with her! That will almost guarantee you a divorce. And I can't say I would blame her either.

Mopar392 · May 16, 2009, 07:30 PM

Originally Posted by Squiffy78

She is broody because she has just had a new addition to the family, it is normal. There will probably never be a right time to have a child financially, there always have to be some compromise. Babies often dont hapen staright away, it may take you both years to conceieve anyway, you can't really plan it that well! And lastly, for the love of god do not tell your wife that you would rather spend the money on a car than having a child with her! That will almost guarantee you a divorce. And I can't say I would blame her either.

If I figured my finance, having a child and a car will be simultaneously.. and she told me she don't want to see a car before we start trying having a baby..

It's all sorted out... hopefully..