Is it normal for a mother to stay married to the molester of her children?
Asked May 4, 2011, 07:24 AM
My Mother married a man who was very sexual. He involved her in sex games, foursomes with friends, walking naked with him through the house around her three children, etc... She used to make us take naps with this man. When I was nine years old there was an "incident" while taking a nap, and I found it to be soooooo wrong that I told my teacher the nexrt day at school(not my Mother, as she was not the best role model), completely unaware of what was to transpire. I had DHHS show up at school, and they asked all kinds of questions. I was then told that I would no longer be going home and in fact would have a new home. When I was twelve, My grandparents finally succeeded in getting custody of my sister and I. My Mother has tried to have a relationship with all of her children after the fact, but her denial and stories, are hard to stomach. She denies ever knowing that he was doing those things, she denies ever leaving us alone with him. She had a daughter with him and he molested her as well, and Mother dearest made excuses. i.e. he was on meds, or he had too much to drink and was confused. Needless to say, her excuses are worse than the denial. I don't understand how she stayed married to him until three years ago, then divorced him for her own reasons. She is now remarried and when I was asked questions about my childhood by her new husband, Mother was very put out. She then created new stories to make herself look like a victim and it was everyone else's fault. Well, I want to know if it is a normal reaction for me at 28 years old, with a husband and two children of her own, to tell this woman she is a negative aspect in my life, and that it is heathier for me to completely let her go out of my life. She is talking to other relatives and it makes it harder for me to say goodbye for good because I associate with the other relatives. Should I say goodbye to the rest of my family as well?
I don't understand her, and in fact resent her, as she was supposed to be the protector of her children, and she let these things happen and buried her head in the sand. I have not been able to forgive her, and it has been a hard road to even talk to her. She gives guilt trips and they no longer work with me. I don't want to hate her, but that is what is starting to happen. What do you recommend?