I am divorced mum of three now grown up children. My relationship with my girls has always been good, that was until my eldest girl who has a little boy, whom I adore, had a row with my youngest daughter over clothes. My youngest daughter is the only one now living at home with me. It ended up with her blaming me for my youngest girls behaviour. I wasn't even in her house when it happened. The two older girls live in their own homes. I am close to all of them, especially the oldest girl in question. She was very angry and called her younger sister some nasty names to me. I tried to be reasonable and talk to her but she was'nt having any of it. I mentioned that I noticed her personality had changed in recent months and that I was aware she was taking drugs, She said she was but it was just at weekends. She said I probably thought she was now a bad mother, I assured her she was a great mum,and she is. I told her not to allow drugs into her house, in front of her little boy, and she said she would'nt, but as I voiced my concerns she got angrier and told me to leave and not come to her door again. I left and thought it would cool down in time. That was THREE years ago I sent her a birthday card and she returned it unopened. I was devastated. I waited six months and then texted her, saying if there was anything I had done to contribute to this all, I was sorry. I asked if I could see my grandson. She replied with a really nasty text, blaming me yet again. I met her in the city months after that and she would'nt look at me or talk to me. She pulled my little grandson away from me. I am broken hearted. Will this ever heal?

Welcome to AMHD. Your daughter seems to be ashamed, by not looking or talking to you. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I wouldn't text her, but I would send her (and/or your grand child) a card or letter every week or so, written in hand, with a note; see if you can get the communication started. I would not hesitate to involve a family therapist/counselor, or priest, minister, or rabbi, as well. Whether she is having emotional issues and drug problems is a concern.

Unfortunately your daughter is grown and responsible for her decisions so there is nothing much you can do even though it is not fair or reasonable. If she is on good terms with your other daughter could she talk to her and ask her how you can make peace with her?
I have a feeling that she is holding it against you for telling her your opinion on drugs and personality change more so than about the clothes.
When your kids are grown it is not good to tell them your opinion on how they choose to live their life no matter how right you are because it can and does result in the kids distancing themselves and not allowing you to see your grandkids. I have a feeling also that besides feeling lectured about her lifestyle she may feel that if you picked up on the drugs and personality change that easily then if she was around you more often you would see how serious the problem is and she wouldn't want that.