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    bamatracy's Avatar
    bamatracy Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 27, 2018, 11:02 AM
    New father of 20 year old
    My husband of 19 years and I found out that he has a 20 year old daughter last week - I went through a wide range of emotions . I have a son that is 25 from a previous marriage. My husband and I had 2 miscarriages and I have always regretted that I could not give him a child. We went and met her a couple of days ago and took the paternity test and will get results in couple of days. Why am I not happy about this and why do I feel jealous? Please help cause I am stressing out
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Nov 27, 2018, 12:02 PM
    Why would you stress out over this 20 year old well kept secret? I suspect your stress is from apprehension and unknown adjustments that will likely be made, and I imagine your husband is freaking out as well, so you both are probably feeding off each others anxieties. I would reassure you both to go through this together where ever it leads.

    No doubt it will take more than a week for the emotional dust to settle and waiting for the paternity test results would drive anyone nuts. Do you think you like the girl? No reason to feel guilty that you couldn't bear him kids, stuff happens, or be jealous of this girl or her mama.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Nov 27, 2018, 01:48 PM
    So he was with someone before he was with you. Did you not know about it?

    It is obvious the women who gave birth, thought so little of him, to hide the child.

    It is doubtful there will be any relationship of a unknown adult child, no bonding that years of parenting gives.
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