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curryrice · Jun 25, 2004, 05:49 AM

My neighbor is 15 years old, and his mouth is atrocious. He calls my 12 year old daughter the filthiest names, which embarrass her, since he does this when she is with her girlfriends. His parents make him apologize, but then it happens again and again. This has been going on for 4 years. Since this boy hasn't a friend in the neighborhood ( imagine that) his mother feels sorry for him, and wants me to do the same, and to also forgive him yet again, and pretend nothing has happened. This last incident , when I confronted this kid, I told him I had had enough, and he was to stay away from my home and my daughter. I do not feel we need to accept his apology, and I was quite happy when I told him to get out of my home and stay out, but then here comes this letter of apology----
I think I need to add, that my daughter is not the only target of his mouth, but the most often one. The names he calls his dad and mom would make you wonder how anyone can raise a boy like that, but my main concern is raising my own children. Must I accept his apology, and be the "bigger person"? Was I too harsh on a kid, by throwing him out of my home? His parents are our friends, so it makes it a sticky situation not to have them ALL over, and yet, I don't think my daughter needs his mouth at all. Any suggestions?
Thank you

Scorpio848 · Jun 27, 2004, 01:42 PM

I know you have a dilema. I go through it it every day, but my kid is the problem. Not the one picked on. I use to entertain the thoughts that my son was behaving that way for a reason. But bull. No matter the situation, these kids are brats. We found out later that he was alergic to sugar. It makes him mean and uncontrollable. Perhaps this is your neighbors situation. Or not. Either way, I do not think you were too harsh. He can be nice or he can stay the hell home. Let his parents take the verbal abuse. I know you said they were friends. But, if they were real friends, they would know where you are coming from. I am sure this is not the first time it has been an issue. Nobodies kids should be subjected to abuse. It does not mean that your friends are bad parents. Some kids are just onery no matter what you do. Feeling sorry for them is the wrong thing to do. Children, no matter what, need love. Do not deny love, but do not allow hate in your home. If I were in the same spot, I would not be as nice as you. I would have taken that brat home by his ears. Our children's defense relys on our actions. Every parent should be familiar with that. Do not ever feel bad about defending or pretecting your children. The rest of the world can kiss your booty. And they can keep their brats home. Sometimes, being gracious, backfires.

Gkhster · Jul 4, 2004, 02:40 AM

I agree with Scorpio.

Let me affirm a few things for you:

1) You have the right to set the standards in your home. You were perfectly justified in expelling him from the home. The home must be a safe place for your daughter.

2) You as a parent should be the biggest fan your daughter will ever have! That doesn't mean you will always agree and approve of everything, but you will always be on her side. To not take action against the boy could imply in her mind that 'he is right'. You need to bolster her self-esteem by afirming that the boy's actions are un-acceptable.

3) It is OK to accept an apology without opening oneself up to the same garbage. Treat his apology with dignity, but set down guidelines for the future. Just because he wrote a 'sorry' letter, does not equal free access to your home. He has a LONG way to go to earn enough trust for that.

4) His mother's "feeling sorry for him" is an EXCUSE to allow his behavior. Don't play into it.

5) Since his parents can't seem to deal with him, can your daughter's dad include him in an activity WITHOUT your daughter. (Auto repair, hobby, etc) (Forgive me if dad is not in the picture.)

I wish you the best.

I hope this helps. Please let us know if there is anything else we can help with.

Guy

dave5150 · Dec 29, 2004, 04:02 PM

If this boy continues to harrass your daughter, you should call the police and file a harassment charge. Sometimes a warning from the police is enough to discourage that type of person.

svdbygrc · Dec 29, 2004, 07:57 PM

Hi

An apology is only good if it is sincere. It appears as though this boys is only giving you lip service. If he were truly sorry for his actions and his filthy mouth he would not continue to embarrass and hurt your daughter like he is. I would not accept the apologies any more, but I would let him know that when you see a sincere change in his behavior that you would acknowledge it and reconsider your allowing him in your home.

kfallone · Feb 22, 2005, 07:02 AM

Hi, I totally empathize with your situation. If it's one thing I can't stand is a bully. Even more is the parents who gloss over the issue and minimize the situation. It seems that a 15 year old should be punished with more than just offering an apology. If the parents aren't taken action that works maybe get the school involved. When it starts being a burden to the parents maybe they'll wise up, before there kids end up in a juvenile home! Good luck.

fredg · Feb 27, 2005, 08:36 AM

Hi,
If his parents are your best friends, it might be time to find some other "best friends".
Apologies are great, when it stops what is happening. If it doesn't, then it's time to do something else, and not feel sorry for the situation.
Call the police near you, and talk with them. They will be able to suggest who to talk with. This type of thing cannot be allowed to continue, and you are the one who has to put a stop to it. Your own family is what is important, and if your "best friends" can't stop it, protect your family.
I wish you the best,
fredg

mike145k · Jun 26, 2005, 01:56 AM

Your neighbor has tourettes syndrom which causes an uncontrolable urge to curse ,no cure so to be his friend will take courage and compassion ,so don't listen to the other assperts :eek: