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    Brokenbottle's Avatar
    Brokenbottle Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 16, 2011, 07:12 PM
    Is this mother unfit, and how do we prove it?
    My Boyfriend is married to a woman for 5 years, they have three young boys. She could not afford to buy the 6 year old son school clothes so we bought him some clothes for school. We picked up the boys in July after a trip to the fair with their mother and the 6 year old boy was wearing his school clothes, he told us mom doesn't have money for laundry soap and I have no other clean clothes so I had to wear my school clothes. He has also told us many times that her boyfriends are mean to him and sometimes hit him. In August she sent us a text message and said her boyfriend beat her up and she was on her way to the hospital. We had the three boys at the time so we weren't worried about their welfare at that point. She then came to pick up the children with the boyfriend that she accused of beating her up. The 6 year old boy missed 20 days of kindergarten with no good explanation. She has no job, no high school diploma or GED, but the youngest of their boys and her new baby get social security, even though the youngest of their boys has missed almost all of his doctors appointments. They are all suppose to be on medication that she rarely ever sends over. The oldest son told me yesterday he felt stressed out at his mom's because he has to take care of his younger brothers and do chores for his mother, and that he wanted to live with us. We talked to her about it and she said it will never happen. He has also been having some trouble in school with being bullied and he told his councilperson at school that he was ready to have a nervous break down and that taking care of his brothers was going to drive him to "drink beer", neither me or the father drink and we don't talk about anything of the sort in front of the children. The mother also had the boys calling their father by his first name and calling her boyfriend "daddy." She does not have a drivers license and relies on her "friends" to take the children to the hospital and doctors appointments. She has court appointed temporary full custody at this time, in our papers it states she is to bring the boys to us because she lives two and a half hours away. For the past year we have had to drive up their and pick up the boys because she has no means to bring them down. She is also a diagnosed manic depressive and resists drug therapy and counselling even though those were the conditions of the court for her to keep full custody. We are working on a dissolution at this time with shared parenting we don't think we have enough proof to get full custody of the boys, and we are afraid that she will back out of the shared parenting if we cannot prove her unfit. Can someone please let us know, do we stand a chance at proving her unfit?
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #2

    Jan 16, 2011, 07:17 PM

    You report it to your local Family Services agency and have them make an assessment.
    Brokenbottle's Avatar
    Brokenbottle Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jan 16, 2011, 07:25 PM
    Comment on ScottGem's post
    They told us we would have to take her to court, they told us they can not tell us whether we had a case or not
    Brokenbottle's Avatar
    Brokenbottle Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jan 16, 2011, 07:36 PM
    Does this child need counselling?
    My Boyfriends oldest son is 6 years old, he has been having some stress problems. He told his council person at school that he was so stressed out and about to have a nervous break down. He has three younger brothers and he told him that he has to take care of them at his mothers house and that they were going to drive him to "drink beer", He also told her that his mother does not want him and that he just doesn't know how much more he can take. He has told us how he has to give his brothers baths and do chores for his mother (dishes and laundry). We aren't sure if he is telling the truth or if he is just telling stories. His mother of course denies all of the accusations, but we can't believe anything she tells us. We aren't sure if maybe he needs to see a psychologist or if it is nothing to worry about. When he first comes to our house on weekends he seems depressed then after a few hours he goes back to his normal and seems very happy, he then goes back to being depressed when we go to take him back to his mothers house. His younger brothers are to the point where they sometimes call him dad. His mother says he never wants to leave the house anymore. Does he need council or maybe just moved to a more stable environment? We are not sure what attions to take at this point.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #5

    Jan 16, 2011, 07:44 PM

    If the children are telling you that they are being abused ( hit) by her boyfriends, then CPS needs to invesigate, don't tell them the entire story about unfit and court, just that they are being hit, or have kids tell their teacher at school
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #6

    Jan 17, 2011, 04:35 AM

    Comment on ScottGem's post
    They told us we would have to take her to court, they told us they can not tell us whether we had a case or not


    You are saying that Family Services told you this? Then you didn't ask the right questions. You tell them there has been abuse and ask them to investigate.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #7

    Jan 17, 2011, 08:28 AM
    So your boyfriend had three children with his (now) ex wife in five years. She is diagnosed with manic depression, and 'resists' drug therapy and counselling, and that her having custody is dependent upon her complying with the court orders to do both. Are you saying she is breeching those orders?

    If they are conditions of her having custody, my advice to your boyfriend, is to seek legal advice about gaining custody himself. Actually, under the circumstances you have described, I wonder why he didn't have custody (at least shared) in the first place if she is as messed up as it sounds.

    If you have seen signs of physical abuse, or emotional abuse, you have a duty to report this to your local CAS/CPS. As does the school, if the counsellor you say the oldest son has talked to, suspects abuse as well. It isn't something you wonder about what your chances are of gaining custody, that is secondary to the immediate needs of protecting the children, if they are in a dangerous living environment that is abusive.

    If they are in need of protection, that has to be the only priority right now.

    In addition to reporting your concerns, I would advise you, and your boyfriend, to document everything that is said, and everything that you have seen. If you sincerely believe there is enough substance that they are in a dangerous place, and are being harmed, there is no question you need to do the right thing, and have their situation investigated.

    And, with good legal advice, you and the boys' father, can proceed legally to find out what your options are as far as custody, or modified custody, etc.
    jenniepepsi's Avatar
    jenniepepsi Posts: 4,042, Reputation: 533
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    #8

    Jan 17, 2011, 09:53 AM

    If she is bipolar and has an order to stay on her meds, she needs to be on her meds. If not, dad should file for full custody

    And call CPS and leave an anonomous call about the kids being hit. CPS has a history of not getting involved when a non custodial parent is filing against the custodial parent unless it is OBVIOUS abuse.

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