My granddaughter is 9 yrs old, her mother (my daughter) married another man when she was 3 months old, that is the only father she has ever known. My daughter and husband have a daughter of their own 4 yrs younger than the 9 yr old. Then 9 yr old has my daughters last name and the 4 yr old has their married last name. Now the 9 yr old is asking why her last name is different than everyone else's. Her mother told her that: Her and daddy had her before they were married, well she wants that last name before her sister comes to her school so everyone will know they are sisters. The real father has not been around for all these years (and pays 12.00 a week support) and he is making remarks that he wants to be in her life. My daughter asked him to sign papers to change the 9 yr olds last name, just a name change not a adoption and he said no and is talking about filing for visitation. I am so upset and so is she, we don't know when or how to tell her, we are afraid she is so young that it will mess her up. Her father that she lives with is a wonderful father to his girls and really doesn't want this either, although he supports my daughter in what ever she thinks is right. WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO? Try the name change, and wait to see what the biological father will do or just tell her and let her make the choise of the last name. HELP

First of all the little gal should have known about her real father all along. Now she is going to be very confused and wonder why she was "lied" to all these years. That is what will "mess her up."

Her real father has every right to ask for visitation and get it. He is her biological father after all.

The right thing to do should have been done many years ago.

You can't just "try" the name change and wait to see what he will do, not in a court of law anyway.

Have they thought of hyphenating her last name?

It should be explained to her that although her and her sister have different last names, they are still sisters, that will never change.

I believe it is now time to let the truth be known. Your daughter created this situtation by not telling the truth from the beginnning and now the lie is bitting her in the butt. No matter how useless her biological father is, under the law he still has rights.

All true above. Just one thing... you will not be able to change her last name in any way without the biological fathers consent. Sorry.

The morning when the real father shows up at the door with a court order for visiation may be a really bad time to tell her. And as J9 said, esp since the father is paying support, he has not deserted the child, and has rights to visit if he want them, you could not stop him from at least supervised visits. So basically everyone had better get together and explain it. It is going to be hard

Hi, new member here. Whether she should have been told by now is beside the point. The child and family will need counseling if this is to be done in the best possible way, and I strongly suggest that be done before she is told. Legally however, you may have a case for termination of the bio father's parental rights based on neglect. The support amount is pathetic, and he has not been in her life- if that was by his own choice, you may have a case. Biology does not make a parent. Period. Call a lawyer.

Call a lawyer. You may actually have a case of parental neglect, which is grounds for termination of his parental rights. If the lack of contact was his choice, the child support may not be enough to support his case. And the family needs a counselor to help plan for telling the child, whenever that happens. Good luck.