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shannon1973 · Jan 30, 2009, 07:47 AM

My 21 year old step son moved in 7 months ago. My husband found him after not seeing him for almost 20 years. He is rude, disrespectful, lazy, and I'm ready to loose it. He works about 10 hours a week as a busser at a restaurant and spends the rest of his day/night on the computer, or watching T.V. I've told him he needs to move and his response to that is "we'll see about that", "I'm not going anywhere and you'll just have to live with it" or " i'm not going anywhere you can leave" I've been married to my husband for 15 years and we own a home together. We have other children and it is affecting them as well. When I try to talk to my husband about this he gets angry and says he will deal with it his way... which is kissing his butt and allowing him to swear and call me names in front of my other children. He brings things into my home that are unacceptable and sees no problem with it. He says he is an adult and can do what he wants... well... then get your own place! My husband works 60 hours a week and is not home much so I am left dealing with him on my own.

KellyAlexander · Jan 30, 2009, 07:52 AM

Seriously Shannon... why haven't YOU moved out? Tell your step son to get out.. that's it! If your husband doesn't support you then something is definitely wrong! He doesn't have to live with his dad to see him and apparently doesn't really care for his dad at all if he is treating you that way. Sounds like he has worked your husband over pretty good and is using him in a serious way! Put your foot down honey!

JudyKayTee · Jan 30, 2009, 08:07 AM

Originally Posted by shannon1973

My 21 year old step son moved in 7 months ago. My husband found him after not seeing him for almost 20 years. He is rude, disrespectful, lazy, and i'm ready to loose it. He works about 10 hours a week as a busser at a resturant and spends the rest of his day/night on the computer, or watching T.V. I've told him he needs to move and his responce to that is "we'll see about that", "I'm not going anywhere and you'll just have to live with it" or " i'm not going anywhere you can leave" I've been married to my husband for 15 years and we own a home together. We have other children and it is affecting them as well. When I try to talk to my husband about this he gets angry and says he will deal with it his way...which is kissing his butt and allowing him to swear and call me names in front of my other children. He brings things into my home that are unacceptable and sees no problem with it. He says he is an adult and can do what he wants...well...then get your own place! My husband works 60 hours a week and is not home much so I am left dealing with him on my own.

The only legal way to get him out is to evict him but, because you co own your home, your husband has to be in agreement.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 30, 2009, 09:40 AM

When your husband gets served divorce papers with a idea of how much child support he will be paying, he may decide to do something

There is nothing you an do unless hubby agrees,

aholt03 · Jan 30, 2009, 09:44 AM

He obviously thinks you owe him something. I would suggest telling your husband either his son moves out or you move out. (Don't really do it of course) but make him think you will so that maybe he will see that you are serious. As for the 21 year old, make him do everything on his own. Ex. Make him wash his own clothes, fix his own dinner and so forth. I hope everything works out for you. My other option that works better than anything in the world is prayer!

JudyKayTee · Jan 30, 2009, 10:28 AM

Originally Posted by aholt03

He obviously thinks you owe him something. I would suggest telling your husband either his son moves out or you move out. (Don't really do it of course) but make him think you will so that maybe he will see that you are serious. As for the 21 year old, make him do everything on his own. Ex. make him wash his own clothes, fix his own dinner and so forth. I hope everything works out for you. My other option that works better than anything in the world is prayer!

I don't like untimatums in a relationship unless you really do mean it, really are ready to follow through.

I think the answer is to talk to the husband. Hopefully he doesn't want to see his wife upset all the time. Hopefully.

Wondergirl · Jan 30, 2009, 10:36 AM

Your husband is on a guilt trip because of not knowing his son for so many years. How did they get together again? Where is the son's mother?

Make an appointment with a family counselor and you go alone, if you husband won't go with you. Figure out some goals and the strategies to meet them.

shannon1973 · Jan 30, 2009, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Your husband is on a guilt trip because of not knowing his son for so many years. How did they get together again? Where is the son's mother?

Make an appointment with a family counselor and you go alone, if you husband won't go with you. Figure out some goals and the strategies to meet them.

My husband does feel guilty, and Dustin knows it and is playing him. Unfortunately for me, I searched for him and found him. I sent him a plane ticket to come over the summer. I did it for my husband. I didn't think it through before I did it and wanted my husband to have a relationship with his son. When I try to talk to my husband about it he gets angry. He agrees that he should leave, but won't do it and I have asked Dustin to leave and he won't leave. I don't want to leave my home, but I may not have a choice... I cannot take another minute with him. Dustin knows how much his being here is affecting our (me and my husband) relationship and I honestly think he gets a kick out of it.

hoagie26 · Feb 8, 2009, 08:37 PM

Talk him into joining the marines it will get him out and teach him a little respect

neverme · Feb 8, 2009, 08:51 PM

How do your other kids feel about this?

If they are, as they should be, more than a little unimpressed with the situation then why not try all of you sitting down and talking to dad. That has to get through to him that this is no small problem and the little ***** has to go!