I became a single parent, through divorce, when my oldest was 16 and my youngest was 6. There are 5 adult children involved. I admit to doing things in my young/stupid years that were hurtful to everyone, including me. I was a mother at 16 and simply not equipt to be one. Also, my husband, at the time, was a mentally and emotionally abusive person. After being accused of being unfaithful - wrongfully - for years, I finally ( in my young stupidity) decided.. " If I'm going to be accused and punished for something I'm not doing...I'm going to do it." I know - dumb!
Since then, I have tried to be a better person. I divorced the abuser and forgave him. I have apologized over and over to my children. I have been in therapy and forgiven myself. I have tried, through my own actions, to show them the change in me and allow them to get to know me, instead of holding onto the picture of the past.
However, there are 3 of my children who refuse to move out of the 70's. They hate me and abuse me, emotionally on a regular basis and verbally.. whenever they feel like it. They refuse to see that their ideas of who and what I am.. aren't true. They prefer to cling to their own.. ideas.. believe their own lies about me. They've even started accusing me of things I never did or never have done.. from 3 decades ago.. up to and including the present. It's gotten so bad, I'm thinking of isolating myself from them. I already stay away as much as I can. No amount of trying to have conversations works. I'm accused of being manipulative and lying... when- in all honesty - I am not doing either. Yet, every time they call and ask me to do something for them, I do it. I have come to realize I do it out of fear of what may come my way if I don't. Still... how dumb is that? When they still abuse me anyway? I'm at my rope's end.
Being honest doesn't work with them. Trying to appease them doesn't work. Trying to stay out of their way doesn't work. What can I do?