I am just not sure what to do. Basically my oldest son, 42, refuses to have any contact with me and I just don't know why. It started in September, and continues now though he did call me New Year's Eve. I was outside watching fireworks and missed his call and he didn't leave a message. He didn't call back, so the day after New Year's I called and left a message on his cell phone saying I was sorry I had missed his call. He hasn't called back. For Christmas I visited my younger son, 41, who lives only about an hour away from them. He had thought for sure his brother would drive down for Christmas Day, so I brought their presents with me (he lives with his girlfriend of 12 (or so) years). We, the younger son, his wife and my grandson (almost 2) had a nice Christmas, even though we missed them. It seems strange that the older son has never met his nephew even though they live so close. I live on the other side of Florida, about a three hour drive.

We, the older son an I, have always been close and he has always been there to help, up until September. I had a rough four years, losing my Mom, three months later, my husband, the next year my father and then in July my 'significant other'.

My only real clues are

1. He met his father over the July 4th holiday - the first time he has seen him since he was around 13. (we divorced when he was almost 4, (rock band scene) and I raised both the boys by myself).

2. When they placed Bill, (S/O) under hospice care in May, my son and his S/O came over and stayed a week, offering support and love.

3. The end of July when Bill died, my son refused to come over, saying the brakes on his van were bad. Even when I offered to rent a car he still refused. My younger son, wife and grandson came over for that weekend and saw me though it. The older son said later that he had 'arranged' it.

4. In September I went to South Carolina to visit my two sisters, on my way back, the older son wanted me to stop and stay the night. I asked if they were sure and they assured me then wanted me to stop. It was a long drive with bad rain the whole day, a 9 hour trip along with my dog and no stops for food or rest. When I arrived, they had already started 'happy hour' and poured me some wine. After a bit I asked or something to eat - they had cheese and crackers. Then my son said he wanted to do Karaoke, and told us to change, even though his S/O said she had dinner ready to cook.We didn't get home to after one am, I was exhausted and when their arguing and fighting continued (from the bar) I couldn't take it, and loaded my dog and suitcase into the car and drove back across the state. He called my cell phone, cussing, said I had left the gate open and their dog had gotten out. Later they found out he hadn't and was hiding in the bedroom - they called the next afternoon and told me.

5. About two or three days later, I had a voice mail on my cell phone from my son's S/O asking how I was and to let them know. Then another voice mail came up - from my son, with the most awful sentence a mother could ever hear - that he was going to devote the rest of his life to making sure the rest of my life was f- up. (Insert a lot more f's for the full impact. After a week of hysteria and crying I finally called him and left a voice mail asking what it was all about. He called the next day- never mentioned his voice mail, but was very polite and courteous. We talked a few more times in October and early November, same polite and courteous - but not quite the same as before. I exchanged a few e-mails with his S/O about Christmas presents - I wanted to surprise him with new brakes for his van- but she felt it would make him mad.

A few days later I forwarded to his S/O an e-mail from my sister with cute pictures of little boys titled "Why boys need parents", the third picture of a cute red-headed boy she said reminded her of my oldest when he was that age. I received a very confusing e-mail back, with Happy Happy as the heading, and something about being 'real'. Within another 15 minutes I received another e-mail from her saying that they were "used up" and to find someone else to 'use', she also said something about a "cute 10 year old red-head that they were very proud of" It was very confusing and I did not respond, not knowing what to say.

They only contact since then was the New Year's Eve call.

I am 68 and just don't know what to do. My younger son feels that he is under pressure financially, and that may be the cause. They (the two brothers) communicate at least weekly through e-mails and mostly about work. Personal stuff, my younger son says, is never mentioned.

I am so tired of worrying about them and crying and feeling hurt, but just don't know what to think or do.