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    Richx1's Avatar
    Richx1 Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Mar 2, 2008, 12:41 AM
    Girls, 11y and 14y, sharing same room
    Recently my family has had to take in my wife's father. While temporary in nature, this has burdened the family slightly and caused my daughters to have to share a room. My 14yo daughter visits on a standard schedule but lives with her mother, and the 11yo lives here full time. We had a bedroom set aside for the 14yo to have her own place, etc... but alas is has been given the wife's father. Tension has already started between the two girls on sharing the room.

    One of the conflicts currently happening is that the 14yo likes the room pitch black and quiet for sleeping... the 11yo sleeps with a radio/tv and light on. Literally night and day. I am evaluating the duration of my wife's fathers stay and whether to find a new location to live... but in the meantime does anyone have any recommendations on how to ease each of the girl's issues?
    jagadid's Avatar
    jagadid Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Mar 2, 2008, 12:50 AM
    This is just an exposure for another experience in their life. It is not a major cause of worry, but actually a boon of an experience for your daughter's. This should enable them to understand other's requirement and if God wishing will help them teach, what is sacrifice. Final words to say, the more you give, the more you get.
    ldyastrid's Avatar
    ldyastrid Posts: 82, Reputation: 12
    Junior Member

    Mar 2, 2008, 02:37 PM
    There are several ways you can handle this...

    Lights out means lights out... at 10pm (pick a time) lights and tv/radio are out - or set the radio to sleep (or whatever it's called on that radio) so it shuts off after 30 minutes or so - enough time for daughter to go to sleep but doesn't stay on all night long. Or perhaps going in after she's asleep and turning off the radio or TV might work.

    Of course this is a personal preference of acceptance on your parts as parents... we were never allowed to have anything on when it was time for bed - so playing the radio was just not an option - and there was no TV in bedrooms either. Perhaps getting 11 year old used to no TV or radio may serve her better as she gets older... college roommates in mind.

    Then another option may be ear plugs / eye coverings for the 14 year old to block out light and sound... though I've never found them to be comfortable (snoring husband... got used to it for the most part, but if I can't get him to stop and it's preventing my sleep, I go to the living room)

    Good Luck!
    cozyk's Avatar
    cozyk Posts: 802, Reputation: 125
    Senior Member

    Mar 2, 2008, 08:12 PM
    How about 11 yr. old can listen to her music with ear buds. 14 yr. old learns to sleep with a night light, and both get a lesson in compromise. There is no time like the present to learn this. The other lesson, some times we have to rise above our comfort zone to help someone else. Actually, they don't have it so bad since they aren't room-mates full time but just on certain days when 14 yr old visits. Just have a talk with them and ask them to rise to the occasion.
    ibrown's Avatar
    ibrown Posts: 61, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member

    Apr 1, 2009, 08:29 PM

    They will work it out until you are able to come up with a plan.If the father is going to be there for a long time you might want to consider a bigger place because the girls are at a age where they are starting to be set in their ways and want privacy.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert

    Apr 2, 2009, 07:37 AM
    I agree that the girls should be able to work this out themselves, with the knowledge that you will mediate and make the decision if they can't come up with one themselves.

    At 11 and 14, they should be able to solve such a minor problem, considering the circumstances.

    If it were my kids, they would be reminded that there are far more important things going on right now, and they need to step up and make adjustments just like everybody else in the household has to do.

    You have said that this is a temporary situation anyway. The last thing I'd do is buy a bigger place to appease an 11 and 14 year old.

    Should it turn out that he is going to live with you permanently, then that would be the time to consider moving to better serve the needs of all that live in the same house.
    AlpineAnnie's Avatar
    AlpineAnnie Posts: 77, Reputation: 13
    Junior Member

    Apr 3, 2009, 04:38 AM
    I agree with Jake. I shared a room with my younger sister for many years. Granted - I couldn't stand her at the time and we had nothing in common other than parents - so I really wanted my own room. We used to do things like put tape down the middle of the room to section it off into "my side" and "your side" and she used to dress in the closet. There are a lot of families that have siblings sharing a room. In fact - there are families that all share a room. Moving to a bigger house to appease the girls is probably not the best idea. Far better to have them learn that there are things more important than themselves. Everything they learn as kids they will take with them when they become parents themselves. And, they may have 2 kids and live in a 2 bedroom home. For the daughter that likes a totally dark room - try getting her one of the sleep masks. If the room is large enough - you can also go to Home Depot and look for the room dividers that can be opened and closed. (I can't think of what they are called really but they use them in classrooms at times and you can slide them open to enlarge the room when more space is needed.) That would be cheaper than a new house.
    kittensmom's Avatar
    kittensmom Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Apr 8, 2009, 09:03 AM

    They are far enough apart in age that a bit of a differnce concerning bedtime might be applicable. Perhaps if the 11 yo were to go to bed 1/2 earlier than the 14 yo. This way the younger girl gets to have her t.v. / radio for 1/2 hour to fall asleep to, but the older child can turn off the t.v. radio when she gets into bed.

    I do think that the girls need to learn to compromse and work through the problems themselves. There have been a lot of options suggested here. I would suggest that you give the girls a list of all the solutions suggested and let them work out for themselves which one they prefer, or let them make suggestions of their own. Mediate the discussion, give them some ideas to start with, and then set the timer and let them know you expect a solution to be reached within a reasonable time (1/2 hour- 2 hours depending on what your family is capable of setting aside for this type of discussion)
    Richx1's Avatar
    Richx1 Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Apr 21, 2009, 10:52 AM
    Wow... hadn't realized this thread was dug back up. Since last year things have changed. The housing market changed enough that we found a 4 bedroom house that allowed both of them to have their own space, as well as upgraded the rest of the house for myself and my wife. Thanks so much for all the comments.

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