Hi,
Can anyone give me ideas on how to handle inconsiderate parents without causing a cold war in a close-knit housing development?

There are about 13 children in our development ranging in age from 5 to 14 years old. We have somehow become the house where they all want to gather. They all play really well together and are good kids. They come from nice families, most with stay- at- home moms or dads. That's why it has begun to upset me that a few of these these "nice" parents are not being more thoughtful of our feelings.

There are several kids who are at our door EVERYDAY, I am not exaggerating! They will show up at around 10am and stay until dark if we don't ask them to go. Their parents never give them a time to be home, never tell them to come eat lunch, never call to ask if I mind that they come over or to see if we are even home.

A home in our neighborhood recently caught fire and the family is staying in a rental a few streets over from ours. They will drive their kids (ages 6, 10,& 12) to our neighborhood and drop them off and go back to where they are staying! Just the other day, we were in our backyard pool. (We have to lock our front gate so kids won't play in the front yard while we're not watching them.) The mom calls on her cell from outside the gate all paniced asking where her son (6 year old) is. We went to the gate and told her we had not seen him all day . She gave us a look like WE had lost him and ran off looking for him. (He was playing in the vacant lot across the street) These are not the trashy, low class people you would expect to do this, the dad is a hospital administrator !

Believe it or not, this is not the only family who is doing this. It's as if they let their kids out and don't give a second thought as to where they are or whom they are inconveniencing.

I honestly would not mind having children over a few times a week, but I am getting extremely tired of cleaning up messes, fixing drink and snacks, refereeing disagreements, and just being responsible for all these children so often! I know I could turn them away at the door, but when my children are running to the door ready to play and we really don't have anything going on, it's hard to. THAT'S why I wish parents would think:


"Little Timmy was at their house all day yesterday and the day before, I think I'll keep him home today and give them a break." OR

"Little Tommy wants to go over and play, I'll call and make sure there are not already visiting kids there and if they feel like having him over." OR even

"Little Billy is going next door tp play, I'll tell him to come home at noon to eat since groceries are expensive and they shouldn't have to feed another child."


I very rarely let my children go to another child's home. They are allowed to ride bikes through to neighborhood and play in the cul de sac, or the lot that one of the neighbors cleared and put sand boxes and things in for all the children, but I insist they stay in common areas so that they do not become someone's responsibility by playing in their yard. I routinely check to make sure they are where they are supposed to be.

How do I handle this without becoming the wicked witch of the neighborhood? I really wouldn't care if I were the only one affected by it, but I don't want other kids or even parents to be rude or mean to my children because of the way I may have handled the situation. Any suggestions or personal experinces ar SO welcomed!

FW

Hi,
You can do one of two things:
Either talk with the parents of the children who want to stay at your place all the time, and explain that it is not convenient all the time; to call me first before sending them over.

Or, just simply tell the children when they show up that this is not a convenient time for you, and tell them they can't come in.

Best wishes,
fredg

I know! That's what I tell myself all the time! There really is no other way to handle it. I'm just a pushover when I open the door and a sweet little face is asking if my kids can play. That's nobody's fault but my own.

After posting the answer to the "daughter" question about being happy in this life, you would think I would have used my own advice and do whatever it takes to remedy the situation. It's just so hard when the child would be the one with possible hurt feelings! I guess I just have some issues that I haven't worked out yet.

Hopefully, the neighbor who "lost" her child has got the picture, he's only been over once in the last week!

Thank you for giving me a slap in the head to make me realize that I can't sit back and hope those parents have an epiphany!

FW :)

I don't know what state you are in but I am social worker here in KY. I can tell you that we receive referrals on this exact topic at least once a week. We come out an investigate and shake up the neighborhood. We simply tell all the parents that there was a complaint about children wondering the neighborhood unsupervised. Usually they will tell us so and so is watching the children. We then ask if they have entered in to an agreement for that person to care for their children. We explain that it is unacceptable and could be construed as neglect on their part. You be amazed how quick the situation straightens up.