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annatodt · Dec 5, 2005, 11:13 AM

I am married (for 12 years). My husband and I have a five year old daughter. The relationship has been a bit rock over the past few years for various reasons.
I want to know where I stand if this ever did go down the divorce path, as far a custody is concerned.
My husand and I agreed that one of us should stay home with our daughter when she was born.My husband was unhappy at his job so he left his approx 5 months before our child was born. He was our daughters primary care giver while she was an infant and I worked full time.
My husband still does not work (our daughter is in kindergarten). I still work full time.
I know there are many things that would be looked at but I am concered that if my marriage ever did head towards divorce my husband would have the upper hand as far as custody is concerned because he was home with our child before she started school.
Any information you could provide would be greatly appreciated.

NeedKarma · Dec 5, 2005, 12:58 PM

The tables are reversed now it seems as your husband would be in a difficult situation as far as income is concerned. The newer laws were designed to protect stay-at-home moms should the primary wage earner decide to leave.
I believe the courts still have a bias towards the mother having greater access to the children but your case turns things around a bit. The courts may first recommend that you seek mediation i.e. finding a solution without using the judge's precious time. The court will ALWAYS seek what's best for the child and so should you. If the best solution is shared custody where the child's primary residence is with the father and you pay spousal and child support then so be it. The worst case scenario is when the divorce turns bitter and the fight is on - children sometimes get scarred for life.

Check out this link and check out the other external links at the bottom of the article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_custody

Also this: http://www.nolo.com/resource.cfm/cat...A0643/118/246/

Good luck.

fredg · Dec 6, 2005, 05:42 AM

Hi,
You really need to ask a local lawyer these questions. If it ever comes to divorce, you will need a lawyer to explain what to do, and how it might turn out. Since your husband has no job, it might be difficult for you to get child support, or enough to really support the child.
As far as your husband getting legal custody of the child, most states still award custody to the mother; unless it's proven she is completely unfit. I don't see how your husband would ever get custody; he can't support her!
I do wish you the best, and I do hope you will at least talk with a Professional, such as a Marriage Counselor, hopefully with your husband going with you.

s_cianci · Dec 6, 2005, 07:43 PM

Yes, your husband probably would have the upper hand regarding custody, etc. since he's been her primary caretaker all along. Do everything in your power to save your marriage. Get counseling, preferably with your husband but alone if necessary.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 6, 2005, 08:12 PM

If you are already planning child custody, do you have a divorce attorney?

If you want a marriage to work, get a marriage couselor and both of you go and work the marriage out.

If you have already given up, you are dividing properly in your mind already