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windsong2239 · Sep 12, 2008, 11:08 PM

Let me just start by saying that the following memories did not arrive following the result of any form of counseling. I must also state that I have never been abused or neglected by my parents. However, one thing that has been troubling me over the previous decade are childhood memories of my father cheating on my mother. More specifically, I have a number of memories that suggest that a relationship that my father had with my best childhood friend led to his family moving out of state. These memories occurred between the approximate ages of four and eight. Can the be valid? Why have they become so haunting now? Is it something I can discuss with my parents?

Part of me believes that it is not any of my business. At the same time, I am angry and frustrated that I was exposed to these experiences. As an adult, I have a much greater appreciation for the sacrifices my mother made... While I struggle to find any form of respect for my father.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

starbuck8 · Sep 13, 2008, 12:52 AM

It sounds like you are a little bit closer to your mother than you father. Could you sit with your mom, and say that there is something that has been haunting you, and you need to get it out in the open and talk with her about it?

Tell her that this is something that is affecting your life, and what you want to talk about is not something that you are doing that may bring up bad memories for her, but in order to get things straight in you head, that you need to know. I don't know your mother, so I don't know the kind of relationship you have with each other.

Another way you might want to approach this, is to sit down and write a letter to your Mom or Dad... or both. Don't push it by saying that you would like an immediate response, but give them time to mull it over and think about how they are going to respond. Just say this has been bothering you for years, or however you want to put it. Tell them that you need a response, either verbally, or in a reply to your letter.

Sometimes it's easier for someone to reply in writing, rather than having a face to face conversation. Just tell them that you love them, and you aren't doing this to upset anyone, but you need to hear their take on the situation that happened in the past.

Good luck to you! :)