Check out some similar questions!

precious0980 · Apr 23, 2007, 07:14 AM

I'm back! :) it's been quite a while that I didn't log in on this webiste. But all the advise that been given to me it really works. Now, here's another problem with my stepson. His moving back again in the house after 2 months that he move out. Honestly, I'm not comfortable and I feel depresses when my stepson is home. I felt that we have no privacy inside the house. I love my husband to death and he is really a good man. If his son at home he act like he is the boss inside the house and he cannot pick his own mess. Me and my husband work 8-5 by the time we got home it's almost 6:00pm and I like when we got home the house is clean. I love my husband to death and he is really a good man. I would like to talk to him about his son but I don't know how to start that it won't end up to argument or fighting.:( Again, thank you for your advise.

startover22 · Apr 26, 2007, 12:50 PM

You have to tell us how old the son is... if he is over 18 then he should not come back home. He needs to be self sufficient. Your husband should be cool with that. Also if he is younger, then you need to change your attitude about him. Post you and you husbands rules and tell him there will be consiquences if he fails to follow them. Do not let up, but make sure you are sweet and nice to him, tell him you are glad he is there, before you give him guidelines and such. You really don't get to be alone and stuff like that unless the children are grown. That is my take on it. It would be nice to know why he is coming back and how old he is though!

Fr_Chuck · Apr 26, 2007, 01:21 PM

Yes, there is a large difference between the step son being 12 and being 30. IF he is over 18 and not going to college, you pay for him a rooming house for a month or two, and tell him to get a job and pay his bills.
** What I have done with my own grown children

If he is 12 and you come home to a dirty house, with a pile of dishers, welcome to being a parent of a teenager.

precious0980 · Apr 26, 2007, 01:25 PM

I really appreciate your advise to me I think that is the best way to do for my stepson.My stepson is fixing to be 19 years old this coming July. The reason why he want to go back home because he just want to, but for me he don't like to be obligated to pay half of his rent in the apartment. We help him pay 1/4 of the rent and 1/4 to my husband ex-wife until that he can stand with his own 2 feet.

startover22 · Apr 26, 2007, 01:44 PM

I really think you need to have an open discussion with your husband about this.

precious0980 · Apr 26, 2007, 01:57 PM

I talked to my husband while ago and I told him how I feel about his son to come back home again. We both agree that we will going to gave him another chance and he told me that if his son will act that he is the boss inside the house and disrepect or walk over him all the time. He will going to tell his son that he is welcome to move out and stay to his mama's house. Again, I really thank you for listening to my problem and your advise. It really helps a lot.:)

vlee · Apr 26, 2007, 06:28 PM

The most important thing is to make sure you and your husband are on the same page, and it sounds like you are right now. If anything happens that aggravates you, mention it to your husband. Don't stockpile everything and blow up all at once. Your husband needs to know on a daily basis what his son does to displease you, so he can help make changes. It won't be helpful to nag daily, so what I am trying to say is simply tell your husband in a matter-of-fact way what has happened each day. Don't get overly heated unless something major happens. Ask for his input and suggestions. Sound reasonable even if you don't feel like being reasonable. Hopefully in doing this you can maintain your team effort and he won't fall off the bandwagon. Then, enforce your rules together. BTW, his son is old enough to pay his own rent! I wouldn't feel bad about kicking his butt out if he didn't follow rules and treat everyone else w/respect!

Fr_Chuck · Apr 26, 2007, 07:07 PM

At his age, he should be free to live on his own, not at momma or daddy if he is not working and helping pay some of the bills.

So you and hubby need to sit down and set up some very firm rules, getting a job, quests over, doing chores around house and a full list,
Make the son fully aware of these when he moves in.

And if there is any issues of disrespect, he needs to be out.

isabelle · Apr 27, 2007, 03:58 AM

This is so touchy. I think everyone has given good advice.
I think you need to be prepared that you and your husband may not be "on the same page". Disrespect and rules are subjective. What you view as disrespect and good home rules may not be the same as your husbands view. This kid did not get so dependent on dad and mom without dad and mom contributing.
Be very careful what you say about this kid because I have seen times when the step parent can not win.
Good luck, I just wanted to give you a heads up and tell you to be patient, things didn't get this way over night and they will not change overnight.

precious0980 · Apr 30, 2007, 06:57 AM

You are absolutely right, things will not go right in overnight but it things time. Sometimes it drive me crazy because my culture is different but I try my very best to understand my husband and my stepson but of course I put I little wall when it comes to my stepson because I don't want him to take advantage of me. He did that to me once and that would be enough.
As what I told to my husband I'm not in the picture when his ex-wife divorced him so his son don't have a right to act like I am a bad person or reason that his parents got divorced. It makes me feel good to that in this website I can share my problem and there's a people that can give me an advise. Thank you, thank you so much!