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iminlove · Mar 29, 2007, 11:39 AM

My daughter is 4 and 4 months.
She recently was moved from the 3's to the 4's in preschool and we have been having problems ever since.
The other students started 6 months ago and her teacher is pressuring her to catch up with the other kids in writing/math and reading skills.
My daughter cries every morning and also anytime the word school is mentioned.
She is fearful, frustrated and sad.
I encourage her and work with her on her school lessons but nothing decreases her anxiety.
The teacher is not accommodating by giving her more time to catch up and says she doesn't have time to sit with
Her everyday.
I am seriously considering changing her pre-school.
Would this cause MORE undue stress?
My daughter was such an outgoing, confident,good natured girl and now she is anxious, tearful and angry. It's been 8 weeks and I see no improvement.

Thanks for your insights.

missk · Mar 29, 2007, 11:52 AM

I personally would not think that changing schools would cause more stress. At first she might be a little anxious but I have a feeling that if you changed schools it would be a good thing for her. If it were me I would give it a try. It seems to me that the teacher is not willing to work with her and I would be really concerned about that. If my son were in this situation I would most definitely try another approach because this doesn't seem to be working at all. I really don't think it would cause more undue stress. Most children adapt well to new environments and it seems to me like it would do her more good than not. It seems like she is being pressured and pushed too much and you know how children are... you can push them away even more... they are so smart! Poor baby-good luck.

lizbeth55 · Apr 18, 2011, 02:36 AM

Just another perspective - my children go to school in Europe - there is no pressure at such a young age to be reading and developing writing and math skills. Play and socialization are considered vital intellectual development skills. Early intellectualization seems to be an American phenomenon and I worry that it is too much for many children who have such a short time to enjoy their early youth. There is plenty of time after 6 and 7 to learn the things your pre-school is teaching. I suggest exploring other options for care or keeping her home for a bit if that works with your schedule. My own daughter really thrived after being able to be home more - she has a more anxious personality than her sister and really needed the one on one time with a parent. Best wishes to you.

jenniepepsi · Apr 18, 2011, 12:48 PM

I agree with lizbeth. This seems to be way too advanced for a 4 year old. The chlidren in this city don't start that kind of learning until kinder if not 1st grade.

DoulaLC · Apr 18, 2011, 02:41 PM

Originally Posted by lizbeth55

Just another perspective - my children go to school in Europe - there is no pressure at such a young age to be reading and developing writing and math skills. Play and socialization are considered vital intellectual development skills. Early intellectualization seems to be an American phenomenon and I worry that it is too much for many children who have such a short time to enjoy their early youth. There is plenty of time after 6 and 7 to learn the things your pre-school is teaching. I suggest exploring other options for care or keeping her home for a bit if that works with your schedule. My own daughter really thrived after being able to be home more - she has a more anxious personality than her sister and really needed the one on one time with a parent. Best wishes to you.

Lizbeth... not necessarily an American phenomenon; just from some families and schools. You can find the desire regardless of the country.

DoulaLC · Apr 18, 2011, 02:55 PM

Originally Posted by iminlove

My daughter is 4 and 4 mos.
She recently was moved from the 3's to the 4's in preschool and we have been having problems ever since.
The other students started 6 months ago and her teacher is pressuring her to catch up with the other kids in writing/math and reading skills.
My daughter cries every morning and also anytime the word school is mentioned.
She is fearful, frustrated and sad.
I encourage her and work with her on her school lessons but nothing decreases her anxiety.
The teacher is not accomadating by giving her more time to catch up and says she doesn't have time to sit with
her everyday.
I am seriously considering changing her pre-school.
Would this cause MORE undue stress?
My daughter was such an outgoing, confident,good natured girl and now she is anxious, tearful and angry. It's been 8 weeks and I see no improvement.

Thanks for your insights.

If it's not a good fit, change it. However, I would consider changing schools not for the reasons you may be thinking.

If she is truly this distraught, you may want to consider backing off a bit on the formal education. She is going to have years of that ahead of her, and causing undo stress regarding school at such a young age will surely work against your goals.

Such a rigid education at this age is pointless. It will not get her ahead of her peers for very long in elementary or primary school. She may start ahead of some children, but they tend to level out in the first few years.

I understand your desire to provide her with a well-rounded education, but you can easily do that at home yourself right now. Let the preschool be more for the building of social character and development, with a sprinkling of "school" work since children often enjoy doing "school" work.

She doesn't have the vocabulary, but her behavior is telling you loud and clear that it is too much. Listen to her.

lizbeth55 · Apr 18, 2011, 11:56 PM

DoulaLC - thanks for your response. I'm an educator who has taught in the US and abroad for many years and have found that while the desire can crop up anywhere and some countries are even more extreme, in the US we are pushing our young children harder and harder at earlier ages - there's an industry devoted to it. In contrast, here in Germany many parents are encouraged to keep their children out of 1st grade until age 7 - it's considered important that the emotional and intellectual development have a chance to get in synch. As a teacher with a background in Montessori and Waldorf - I perceive both sides of the issue in many ways. I am sometimes motivated to give my girls a headstart in some areas, but am greatly relieved by the sensible pace of intellectualization in the school system here. Not perfect, but pretty good in my experience. I think you and Jenniepepsi have a great perspective.

DoulaLC · Apr 19, 2011, 04:03 AM

You are correct, the push is on at an earlier age than it once was. This is quite evident at the primary/elementary level.

As an educator myself, I have also seen, and been involved in, schools where the standards and expectations are quite rigid and demanding at a young age. However, you usually don't find this at the kindergarten/preschool level as the op is experiencing.

Since education at that level is not compulsory, parents have a choice as to what sort of experience they want for their child.

For the majority, this early introduction to education is fostered by more social aspects than academic... as it should be.