Hi, I have a 3 1/2 year old son, and he still does not speak. He says "no", "dop" (for stop). And "ow". Nothing else. He has never said mama or daddy or anything else.
He understands everything we say to him. He follows instructions (i.e. "put it on the table" or "throw it in the trash"), but he will not respond verbally. He asks for things by pointing or saying "um tee".
I have tried not giving him what he wants unless he says the words, but he simply gets angry and refuses to say anything. He is stubborn enough to decide that he no longer wants anything if he has to say it! I am having a great deal of difficulty potty training him because of this lack of speech. Please, does anyone have any ideas? Thanks!

Here are some thoughts:

I would try reading books every night and leaving tapes on while your child sleeps
I would follow through and not give him unless he tries to talk (even a small effort)
I would praise him - positive goes a long way
I would recommend speaking to a speech therapist and the health department, my guess is the speech could be delayed and as a result potty training is a challenge.

Remember children all learn at their own stage - be patient and loving.

Oh, Teaching I was waiting for you to answer here. I TOTALLY agree!!

Maybe have his hearing tested too.

Another thing I want to ask that just hit me like a ton of bricks.

Did you baby talk to him as an infant? Some babies who are baby talked to tend to speak like this as they grow.

For instance a friend of mine would say NAKE to her daughter instead of SNAKE or SHROG instead of FROG. This girl needed speech therapy. Children learn to speak from what they hear, so you may need to speak loudly and clearly. Do what Teaching said, remain firm and strong and don't give in until he says what you ask him to say. In the meantime, make an appointment with your pediatrician for a hearing and a speech test.

Hi there,
Thanks for answering so quickly!
I have tried the not giving in until he speaks, and he either 1. has a meltdown and refuses to speak, 2. decides he doesn't want ___ anymore, or 3. goes about getting __ on his own.
I recently tried this with water. He brought me some bottled water and wanted me to open it. I said "open?" and he nodded. I told him "Say open." and he instantly began to cry. I told him that I needed him to tell me what he wanted or I couldn't do it. I opened the water and took and drink and said , "mmmm. Good water! Do you want some? Say water." Still didn't work. I was told to be consistent and not give in to him until he tried to say it, but he stormed away and would not try. Next thing I knew, he was trying to get water himself - from the toilet! I asked him to say water again to no avail. I finally gave in and gave him the water because I didn't know what else to do.
I also try to read to him. He wants to look at the pictures, and will point at objects in the pictures. However, when I respond to his pointing by saying "horse" or "boy", etc, he gets upset and flings the book onto the floor. If I try to read, he takes the book away from me and puts it away and says "no". He seems to dislike it.
His hearing has been tested, and there are no problems. I've been told that he simply doesn't want to speak. I don't know what to do to help him.

You may need to take this up with your pediatrician. Has he been tested for any form of autism, such as Aspergers Syndrome?

I did use the typical "babytalk" lilt in my speech with him as a baby, but never to this extent. I speak to him as if I expect an answer. I ask questions and tell him about our surroundings, etc. He has become quite adept at physical signals to indicate what he wants/doesn't want. I have taken him to visit with a speech therapist, who had no success. His hearing is very good, and he has passed testing.

Hmmm, let us think on this. He sounds very stubborn, not to sound mean, but by this I mean he is a strong willed boy.

Are there other stressors going on in his life?

He is not autistic, that much has been cleared up. He is very affectionate and social in every way imaginable that doesn't include speech. He adores people, maintains eye contact, has no "ticks" or repetitive actions. He is up to speed on just about everything, and his fine motor skills are beyond his age level. However, I was given a tentative "suspected" diagnosis with Asperger's as a child. I don't know if it's possible to inherit such a disorder or not. His pediatricians up to this point have simply referred me to speech therapy. At this point, it looks as though continued effort and time will tell. I do appreciate the tips, very much. Thank you.

No offense taken! He is indeed VERY strong-willed, and always has been. There doesn't seem to be any palpable stressors in his life. He has a fairly consistent schedule, sleeps and eats well (and healthfully). I do worry that he may need more social interaction with children his age. We moved in the last year (whether or not this is having a current affect on him, I'm not sure), and he has not had much exposure to children the same age.

You hit it. I would recommend a play group or library time with other children. What he needs is social interactions with other children. Children learn from each other. This would be a great bonding for you and your child with other parents and kids.

I have seen so many children over the years - daycare provides stimulation.

Put him in day care
It will do wonders for him
My nephew was sort of the same (BUT he alwaysed loved being read to through and he has said mum) but then his mum put him in day care and he has been going for 2 days a week for 3 months now and he is talking so much more (so so so much more)

Some kids just don't want to talk for whatever reason.

I'm not sure what age I started to speak, but I know it was quite late (I did nothing but grunt, and my parents were extremely worried that I would never speak at all). Of course, when I did start speaking, it was in complete sentences (my first words were at the dinner table: "Mama, I don't like this.")

Edit: Oh, and the child is stubborn because being stubborn works. You have to be more stubborn... give him the basic care he needs and nothing more unless he asks for it. No special treats, no trips, no attention, nothing.

Hello friend,
Thanks for sharing your situation.
Your little one is learning how to push your buttons with his anger.
I hope you simply don't react when he does this.
In fact pay attention to something else until he calms down. Do not reward negative behavior for best results.

I have had children who simply did not want to speak but would when prompted to get what they want . (Water for instance but not "WaWa",this only teaches them to speak incorrectly. Water will eventually be said if this is what they are taught.)

Some children will speak "when they are ready" and not a minute before.

By the way, it's OK to have your son evaluated at his pediatrician who will give you a referral if they feel there's more that can help.

Here's a website with more information for you.

24-30 Months: Toddler Talk - Milestones - FamilyEducation.com

Developmental milestones: Talking


Let me know if you have any questions please?
Sincerely,SmartAlex

WoW! Thank you so much for this post! I swear, it was like a mirror image of my own situation. I too, have a 3 year old son who isn't speaking yet. He just turned 3 and is developed in every other way, average or even better than other kids his age. He can play Disney or Freddie Fish computer games - he even beat the Freddie Fish 2 game! He understands everything I say, and follows complex directions, like go in the sock drawer and bring me some clean socks for your brother so we can get ready to go (I also have an 18 month old). Then, on his own, he'll even put his own socks and shoes on. I'm a stay at home mom, so both of my boys get a lot of attention... We go over many words as a group or one on one... but if my 3 yr old doesn't want to read, he'll simply throw down the book and say, "no!" (he does say "no" just fine)... I've tried the - don't give him anything unless he asks for it- approach. He simply storms away, refusing to say one word. The water incident made me laugh, because I had a very similar incident, but with orange juice. The ending result was me not giving in, my son storming away to his room, and 15 minutes later... he had opened the dishwasher for a glass (I guess the cupboard was too high) and then he went to the fridge, pulled out the juice and poured himself a glass... still without saying a word!

I've had him checked for everything from ADHA and Autism... to his hearing and even lead poisoning... and everything else in between. He is very loving and affectionate. He does say Mama and Daddy too. He just gets very stubborn whenever you ask him to speak. Some say it is because I speak 2 languages at home and he is confused... but we stopped that, and only use English around the house to try and eliminate confusion. I've also been told that my son is a very "strong-willed" child and is just refusing to speak because he knows I want him to.

I have to say, I have noticed some improvement since we have had more regular play dates with neighbors and friends. I plan on enrolling him in a pre-school program soon. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I thank you for your post!

Well my brothers seven and he can't speak
I guess I have the worse situation here.

While reading this post it was as if I was reading about my own child and I have worried constantly about something being wrong. I have noticed with my child that if he gets really excited about something that is when I usually get a new word from him but he will rarely repeat it. At christmas he came up with BobBob for spongebob but rarely uses it. One thing that has been suggested to me was using signs to communicate. I would rather he talk but the way it was explained to me was that since it is like pulling teeth to get a verbal response and upsetting for him as well as me that by using signs and showing him that he has to communicate in one form or the other it may lead to more verbal communication as he gets older and realizes that everyone does not sign. I do not sign to him because he understands everything I say but I do try to make him sign as a form of communication. I have also noticed my child whispering words to favorite cartoons such as Diego and Dora. He will not say them to me or if I am even around for that fact but I put the DVD in daily and let him alone. I am hoping that if gets comfortable saying the words alone maybe he will say them aloud. I hope this helps and please feel free to give me advice.

My three and half year old is not talking. Only jibber jabber. The vowels are predominant. He was also late walking walked two days before his second birthday. He is active lively wonderful sweet boy. We use three languages at home and he has three siblings. But I am really panicky now as he is not using any consonants, can't say a word in any of the languages. He tries to tell story or talk but no one can understand him. We never do baby talk. He is healthy rarely gets sick. My mother in-law says his dad also was late and didn't walk to later. My worry is he is really trying but can't communicate. Any advise

Hi,
There is a book titles: More than words by Fern Sussman, it is written to help children with autism to improve their speech and communication skills. Your son is not autistic but this book simply gives you strategies to help him speak. It is written in a practical way, has lots of pictures and examples. I think it is worth it if you borrow it from the library or buy and read it. My daughter is autistic, she did not talk much but after we followed the instruction given in this book, she is making sentences, gives comments and says more.
I wish you luck, you should be happy he is not autistic. I think he will start to talk when he is ready. Do not worry about it so much. My friend's son was this way, he suddenly started to talk.

Trying to schedule for speech therapiest. Will sure get the book Eileen thanks! My son has siblings ages eight seven and four I homeshcool them so they are all at home. I thought he gets lots of attention, but may be he would like to go to daycar? Besides the langauge we also moved seven times in two years and between four countries!
Thank you for remending me to count my blessing Eileen, I am glad your daughter is talking, I cann't imagine having autistic child my heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing!