We have a beautiful, 21 year-old-daughter who is CONSTANTLY on her Blackberry and has had her share of self-inflicted problems in the past: 1 DUI (she bought herself a high-priced lawyer and was acquitted even with 2.0 BAC), never showing us her grades after attending a $50k year private university and finally, she dated some jerk who beat the hell out of her face(she had to go to the emergency room)and she refused to press charges (she was over 18 and we failed to persuade her to do so). She also has horrible credit, pay about $300 a month for car insurance, but she does work and pays most of her bills on time. We stopped supporting her after her first year of college, and she presently lives at home with us. Sometimes she doesn't come home at hall and merely texts my wife that she's staying over her friends place. She's now in community college and we guess she's doing okay (she's paying for it - we still never see her grades).

That's the background. She's had plenty of opportunities to be successful as she graduated with excellent grades from private middle & upper schools. We had high hopes for her as our philosophy has been "You can peruse any dream in life, just do the very best you can, and be strive to be the best in whatever you decide to in life".

So that's the background. Recently, on a family vacation, I made arrangements to stay a 5 star resort. Everything was great the first couple of hours - we checked in to a fabulous room, had dinner that cost nearly $400 (three of us) and then decided to go for an evening swim to the pool. Well, she decided that she wasn't interested in swimming, had a few glasses of wine, and evidently off to the beach talking with some dude she just met. I asked my wife to text her as to her whereabouts, and that's how we found out she was on the beach. At 12:20am I called (no answer) and texted her Blackberry to come back to the hotel as we were worried about her (Natalee Holloway comes to mind). She texted us back that she was all right, but would not pick up the phone. Was it her texting us or the dude she just met? Needless to say, she finally came back to our room after 1:00am and she was pretty buzzed and mouthy to us. I asked her why she wandered off like that with all the crazy stuff going on in the world today - especially with someone she just met. In the end, she continued to ramble and argue that we were wrong and she was "only two buildings away from the hotel" and that the reason she didn't pick up the phone when I called was because she was "in the middle of a conversation".

We are not over-protective parents, but worry about her judgment. In the end, my wife and I decided she was being a creep - we cancelled the rest of our vacation and returned home. Now our daughter refuses to acknowledge that we had a right to be upset. No apologies, just anger towards us. I believe we made the right decision - what say you?

I'm going to be blunt, and I mean no disrespect, I know its hard for you as her father, but its none of your business. It is her life. If she ruins it, that is on her, not you. She is allowed to go for a walk on the beach with a man she just met, (or even do MORE than that, be honest, daughter or not, she is an adult, and I'm sure she has done 'THAT' before.
As an adult she is allowed to stay out as long as she wants. Honestly I feel that is probably why she got additude. No ADULT wants to hear ANYONE tell them what to do where to be etc.

You are not a bad parent. I am in no way saying that. But you were the parent, you raised her. And its time to trust her to run her own life. Be it that she ruins it, or does well. Its on her now.

Good luck hon. I'm sorry you are going through this. But you got to back up a little bit.

Jennie, if this girl weren't still living under their roof, I would agree 100%. But, since she is still living under their roof, I have to disagree with a lot of that.

It never mattered how many of our own bills we paid living at home or how old we were, if we were at home we followed the house rules. And if the house rules meant we needed to be home by a certain time, then we were home by curfew. And if it meant we needed to stay in school and maintain a certain gpa, then that's what we did.

It sounds like it's time for a family meeting. Time to clarify exactly what the rules and expectations are, and exactly what the consequences will be if those rules are broken. If she wants to be an adult and live by her own rules, then it's time for her to also be an adult and put her own roof over her head.

Even living at home with parents, even if parents choose to fully support her, as an adult she makes her OWN choices.

Parents can choose to kick her out. But they can't FORCE the adult to live by their rules. Either they live with it, or they kick them out.

But it is still the ADULTS choice.

I DO agree, if she lives with her parents, she SHOULD follow their rules. But if she doesn't, they can't FORCE it. Either they put up with it, or kick her out.