Hi, I am an 11 (going on 12) year old girl. I need a bra. All my friends have one, I am to shy to ask my mom if I can get one. I guess I am just waiting for her to take me to get a bra without even asking. How am I supposed to ask her if I can get one? All of my friends have a cupped bra. (Most of them are flat chested!) I am all most the only girl in my grade who does not have a cupped bra! HELP!

What we have found works well is to write her a short note and then put it in a place where she is sure to see it. That seems to be easier than asking out loud.

What do you think about that idea?

@Wondergirl do you really think that works? I will be sure to try that. Thank you for the great suggestion! :)

We've been asked this question by many young ladies your age. This solution seems to help them be the least embarrassed and the most comfortable, while still getting the message across to Mom.

Try the note, but I would really suggest that you sit down and talk to your mom.

Do the two of you have a good relationship? If you do, then know that mom is a woman too, and at one time she was going through exactly the same thing you're going through now. But, mom is human, and we tend to look at our kids and not really notice that they're growing up. We still see you as our little babies.

She probably doesn't realize that it's time for the first bra. If you mention it to her, I'm sure she'll take you shopping right away.

Don't be embarrassed. Mom is a girl too. :)

Sometimes a mom just isn't aware of a personal body change in their daughter's body as soon as she is. I'm sure if you felt comfortable in telling her she would realize you need a bra. So give it a try, tell her you would feel more comfortable if you started wearing bras. She will probably buy several for you with matching panties too. I added a link below you can click on and check out. If your mom gets on the computer too, you might want to show the website to her and then she would realize you do need a bra. Below is a link for you and a link for her. Good luck with mom and welcome to this moment in your young life.


Link for Girl
My First Bra - Training Bra Basics

Link for Mom (Parents)
Bra Basics For Parents

I have to spread the rep. Just wanted to say, great post! :)

Thanks Alty…I appreciate your support here and I do learn from all of you too…and sometimes even the OPs. We never get too grown-up to not learn and be teachable. We Are ALL AMAZING!

I provided live-in childcare years ago for a young girl and her siblings. The mom and dad were having conflict so the marriage was ending. One day I asked the young girl was everything OK and did she need anything as I sensed something wasn't right when I found her going through my dresser's bras and panties drawer... curiosity, I'm sure. Then she told me about her body changes and developing concern. I drove all the kids to and from places as well. So as soon as we could we stopped at a mall with money from a parent and did some over-due shopping for her. She was happy, relieved and thankful…

I remember one of my first training bra or starter bras; it was white, stretchy, and a soft one piece. I love it because even though my very small breasts at the time wouldn't have filled up the smallest bra cups, I was uncomfortable and sore. I didn't tell anyone for a while, not even my two older sisters and I don't know why exactly, except, I thought they would laugh at me and make fun, but I was wrong. In fact I don't even know who gave me the bra, but soon after I had numerous pretty bras and panties. I really loved them and was so pleased with who I was becoming. I never had a daughter of my own, but I've been a mother to and raised a few nieces and others who were orphaned. So I was there for some of their first moments as well. All mothers, aunties, grandmas, nanas, big sisters... and any childcare provider... dads who care too, should be in tune to the needs of our young girls and have ♥ 2 ♥ talks...

I'm an only child. My parents would have had dozens of children if they could have, but it took 8 years of surgeries just to have me. I was an actual miracle. I never should have happened. Glad I did. :)

I remember very well the "I need a bra" talk with my mom. I was embarrassed too, and didn't know how to ask, even though my mom and I were very close. So one day, while we were shopping, I just blurted out "mom, can you get me a bra"?

Truth is, I didn't really need one then, but my mom was more than willing. It was pink, lacey, and had a little bow where my cleavage would have been, if I had any. ;)

That's when I found out I'm allergic to lace. Stupid lace! Not fair! All the pretty bras have lace!

The next one was cotton, white, but had a little rose bud where the cleavage would be, again, if I had any. :)

I have two children, a boy (13) and a girl (9). Out of the two of them, I find the boy harder. Mainly because I don't know what it's like to be a boy. With my daughter, it's no problem. I've been there, done that, and I know what to expect. She knows she can come to me with anything and everything. My son knows that too, but I don't always have the answers for him. :(

I will add that just because "all your friends" have them, is not a reason to get one,

And friends having cup bras if they don't need that type is not right, you need to have the one that properly fits, your friends mothers are not doing them justice and right if they don't have them properly fitted.

So you talk to your mom after you do what you need to do, to allow you to talk about it, if ti is a note, a email or what ever.
So you want her to take you and get properly fitted.

Chuck, you know I adore you, but I have to say, I don't completely agree.

This is a young girl. Having been a young girl myself, and being late to "bloom" (I made up for it though), I do think that "all my friends have bras", is a good reason to get one, even if you don't need it.

There are training bras that are basically undershirts that look like a young girls bra.

Being a young teen, adolescence, puberty, it's not easy. Girls go through a lot. If all your friends are wearing a bra, and you're not, it can really take a toll on yourself esteem. I don't see the harm in a young girl getting a training bra if it will help her feel more secure and confident.

Just my opinion. :)

I know about 1/2 of my 11 year old girls in my classes may have a D cup ( OK maybe not that but they have matured)

But where I was going was that it was not because her friends got them, it was because it is time for her to get one, Trying to tell mom she wants one, that all my friends story is not going to make it normally, She needs to explain age and need.

Also she was already talking about one that was not a training bra, so since her friends don't have training bra will she be happy with that ? Or does she need to understand why she is wearing one, and be fitted for one properly.

Does that explain where I was coming from better

It does Chuck, and I agree, with a but.

The but is this. Her friends are wearing a cupped bra. From what I know about those (I don't know a lot because I really don't need to add to what I have. In fact, reducing what I have would be nice), a cupped bra is a bra with enhancements. It makes you look like you have more than what you have.

I don't think a child of 11 needs that, but I can understand her wanting one. If even one of her friends is developed, that's a big deal if you yourself aren't. If you stand by a wall and blend in, it takes a toll on yourself esteem.

It shouldn't, but at 11, you really can't understand that. At 41, you get it a bit better, and realize that your cup size doesn't dictate who you are. But, as a preteen, or teen, it's the be all end all, your entire universe, and if every one of your friends has a bit of help with a booster, or as one bra company said "what nature has forgotten, we stuff with cotton", and you don't, you feel like the odd man out. Kids can be cruel to the odd man out.

I do think that the OP should be happy being a kid, and shouldn't get a cupped bra to fake something she doesn't have. But a training bra is perfectly acceptable. She should be fitted properly as well, especially if she is wanting a bra because she actually needs one. I didn't at 11. Heck, I didn't at 14. But, I also have to say that I understand where she's coming from, and I wouldn't condemn her for getting a cupped bra, if mom agrees, because all her friends have one, and being the only one that doesn't, can harm you a lot more than a cupped bra will.

I know too much about bra's for a man, but I don't agree with 11 or 12 year olds having added breasts. On one post we are telling them they are too young to date and another telling them to put "padded" bras on.

Just can't match up the two values.

I do see why you feel that way, but honestly, one has absolutely nothing to do with the other.

A padded bra isn't about attracting guys. It's about feeling like one of the girls.

I'm not male, so I'm only guessing here, but it's the same as being the last guy to start shaving. If all your friends are shaving, growing facial hair, and you're not, isn't it okay for dad to buy you a razor, teach you how to shave, even though you really don't need to? It has nothing to do with wanting to date, or attract a girl. It's about feeling like one of the guys, not feeling like you're being left behind.

If the padded bra is excessive, then I agree, it's not necessary. Actually, I really don't think a padded bra at the age of 11 is necessary at all. But, if it's giving you a cup bigger than you are, and at 11 we're likely talking going from training bra to an A cup, then I don't see the harm.

I was a young girl once, and like I said, I was a late bloomer. I never wore a padded bra, and when my mom bought me my first training bra, I really didn't need one. But all my friends were wearing them. I can tell you that the last thing on my mind when requesting a bra, was boys. I just wanted to be one of the girls.

I'm with Fr_Chuck on this one, especially his argument that we are giving mixed signals. What's a padded bra for except to make a girl look more bosomy than she is so she can attract looks from the guys and then which girl can get more looks and get a boyfriend and then we get into new problems.

I don't remember that we wanted bras to keep up with our better endowed friends and save our self esteem. We wanted bras as a rite of passage into being women and to get boyfriends!

I didn't have much either, who does starting, but I was developing and like I wrote before uncomfortable and remember I wanted to protect my chest area from being bumped and becoming more sensitive. I felt more secure and safer having my trainer bras on than if I only had a top & pants or a dress on. Of course we know training/starter bras are no real protection, but even so…I recall feeling more secure and protected with one on. I didn't much care for boys at that point in the 4th grade. Now later is a different story…way later. :-)

I think 11 (going on 12, which is usually how it works) is too early for a "cupped" bra if the girl doesn't need a "cupped" bra. At some point in life you cannot follow everyone else. On one hand girls are taught to be their own person. On the other hand this person wants a bra because "everyone" (and I find this rather hard to believe) has one. I'm also not sure 11 year old girls want a bra to fit in with other 11 year old girls.

Everyone has a story - I deveoped early. It was difficult because I had breasts and other girls didn't. There's no easy route here - late is not good, early is not good.

Any time I told my mother what everyone else was doing... or had... she asked me if I would jump off a bridge if they did.

I think protecting yourself, feeling safer, being more comfortable, is different from doing what everyone else does.

I also see "cupped" bra. I am assuming this either means padded OR very elastic, sort of a "uni-bra."

I see mixed signals here.

I was 9 when I developed. I was utterly embarrassed by this and was extremely shy, so I didn't mention needing a bra to my mom. She eventually got me a training bra when I was 11 or so, but by then I needed something far more supportive. I stopped wearing the training bra as it did nothing for me, but still said nothing to my mom. I even tried wearing hers without her knowing, but they were absolutely the wrong size.

Then, I had one of my teachers ask me to stay after class. She felt my back for a strap (inappropriate, looking back on it) and asked me if I was wearing a bra. I said no. She told me I needed to be wearing one everyday. I was completely mortified!

Because I never brought the issue up with my mom, I didn't learn about all the stuff that comes along with bra-wearing until later and in more embarrassing circumstances. It was uncomfortable for me to not wear a bra, so I wore it all the time- even to bed. I didn't know other girls didn't do this and got made fun of for it at a slumber party. I didn't know how to fit a bra, so my teenage years were spent with misfitted, uncomfortable bras that always rode up in the back.

Point being, it may be embarrassing to talk to your mom about it, but it is WAY LESS embarrassing than other things that could happen if you don't.

Well I'm 10 and I need a bra I am way to shy to ask I've meashured my boobs at the size 3aa relly big and my friend has got one a quite a lot of girls do 2nights ago I told my mum I was in puberty now how do I tell my mum .TO ANSWER THE QUESTION JUST SAY MUM I GETTING OLDER AND I THINK ITS TIME FOR ME AND YOU TO GO BRA SHOPPING IF That's OK WITH YOU DONET WRITE A LETTER IT WILL MAKE TINGS MORE ORQUARD WHEN SHE GET IT