[stuckinarut]

Please take the time to read my story, it would mean a lot if I could have some kind advice.
A little over four years ago, when I was in 4th grade, my family adopted 2 little sister kittens. My sister, who was in 2nd grade at the time was completely in love with them, as was I. For the past 4 years, we have adored them, we come home every day and talk to them, they sleep with us every night. My mom and I had a special bond in particular with Shadow, and my dad and sister in particular with Callie. They have been a meaningful part of our lives.
This past Thursday, Shadow started throwing up. We assumed it was one of their usual throw up bugs. When her throw up turned to a thick bile by Saturday, My mom took her to the vet just to be sure it wasn't serious. They gave her some antibiotics and told us to bring her back if she was still sick Monday. Sunday, when the vet was closed, my mom was really worried about her and didn't want to wait until Monday to take her in, so she took her in to an emergency clinic. My dad came to my soccer practice in tears, and told me that Shadow was in kidney failure and she had little chance of making it through this. I collapsed. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I knew everything about her, all her habits, every color and every place she liked to sleep, every sound she made. My dad took my sister and I straight to the vet to say goodbye. We were all sobbing. Monday morning, rather than put her through more pain, we had to put her to sleep. We don't know what caused her kidney failure, and we never will. She was only 4,her time was so short. The doctors don't know if she ate a toxin or had cancer or some other disease.
This is Tuesday. She died yesterday, Monday. I am only 14, and I have never experienced death before this. I don't know how to handle it. The worst thing, though, is that my mom is blaming herself. She finds every reason for it to be her fault. She thinks she could have taken her in Friday. Or her 'instincts' should have told her. Or that if she ate a toxin that poisoned her, it was something she left out and she should have known better. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I still remember her so clearly, the way she felt when I petted her, the way she would walk across me when I slept. I still expect her to curl up to me when I am reading at night. I also don't know what to do for my other cat, Callie. She is also grieving at the loss, and is lonely. My family wants to get a new cat, but we haven't started thinking about when. Would a new kitten help ease the pain? We could never replace our beloved Shadow, but it is so lonely around here.
Should we get a kitten? Two kittens? We don't want Callie to feel as if she is not as important anymore. A cat the same age as Callie so she has a companion? Should we wait until we are no longer grieving? I need help with everything. Any advice on how I can handle this intense pain I have never felt before. What can I say to my mom to convince her that it is not her fault? Please, any advice you have would be helpful. I have just experienced the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

[donna0603]

Hiya, when I was your age I lost my dog I had had him since I was a baby, I still miss him every day but I remember all the good things he used to do. It is hard but it dose get easyer I promis. Your mum is always going to blame herself because she is the one that took him/her to the vet just let her know that you don't blame her and that it was the best thing for your cat. Hope you better soon xxx

[MiSSsy111222]

Grieving is a long process. Its only been a day so your emotions are still raw. Time will heal your loss. Its no ones fault your cat passed away, every living things has to go. It was just shadows time. Don't worry you will feel better soon.