[momof3omg]

I have a 12 yr old dd. I have been divorced now for almost 10 yrs. In the past 10 years visitation has never been an issue for either one of us. When my dd was little her dad lived in another city about 2.5 hrs away. He came when it was convienent for him to visit or whenever there was something going on in San Antonio that he wanted to attend. When he finally moved back to San Antonio he still only saw her whenever I called to remind him of his visitation or I started complaining about it. He didn't pay child support for the first 3 years of her life. When he was finally ordered to pay it was only $146 a month which he didn't start paying for another 2 years after that because he was going to school. Still during this time he only saw her when it was convienent for him or whenever I would call to remind him. As time went on he remarried and had more children. Still paying only $146 in child support. I have tried to keep things between my ex and I somewhat "cool" for my dds sake. I have baby sat his kids on numerous occasions and have included him and his wife in many of her activities. They hardly ever attended any of them, but I still extended and invitation and tried to keep the peace between us. Recently I took him back to court to modify the child support he was paying because for the life of me I found it hard to believe that 16% percent of his income was $146... I make more than that. He has been paying his child support and even got caught up on the arrears and up until about 1 year ago I didn't say anything or try to up the support because I knew he was getting his life back on track. Well he was under the assumption that his child support was only going to go up $75, imagine his shock when they came back with $496 a month. Keep in mind that up until this time the visitation has always been the same whenever we called to remind him she would go. She is at the age now that she really doesn't want to go and goes cause she feels like she has no choice. Well now he is trying to enforce his visitation rights, saying she is going every other weekend whether I like it or not. About 2 weeks ago, I called to tell him that we had changed our family vacation to the weekend of Father's Day because my dds volleyball season for the summer was starting the weekend after. He was fine with it then saying she could go the following weekend. We have always worked around events for both families. Now all the sudden after the modification he has a problem. My ds came back crying this Sunday saying he told her he was going to have me thrown in jail if I took her on vacation with me. That it was his weekend and she was going with him. After pleading with him and telling him how she was looking forward to going, he flat out told her "well your mom wanted to be a "B" and take me to court so now she is going to pay" I think it has nothing to do with wanting to see my dd but more to get back at me and the only one he is hurting is my dd... So here is my question. What can he really do about it? What happens if my dd doesn't want to go back? She knows that he deliberately did this to hurt me and hurt her in the process and didn't care that he did. Is his only option to hire a private attorney and come after me that way?

[Fr_Chuck]

Of course you won't be "thrown" in jail, he could take you back to court to see if the court will hold you in contemptl

Just like the court order says he has to pay >L>>>> dollars amonth, it says you have to allow visits on certain days. And both of you have to follow that.

So just like you were not happy with the 146, he has the right to demand his listed vistis.

Sorry you can't have it both ways. Yes he may be doing this in spite, but he has every legal right to do so.

[1badchoice]

While I agree with Fr._Chuck, I also think that there are times the visitation schedule cannot be kept. If this were only once or twice a year, I don't think any judge would hold you in contempt. Even judges can understand children's extra curricular activities and general life circumstances. At this point, the father is just very angry and trying to make you pay in any way possible. For your daughter's general peace of mind I would advise sticking to the visitation as much as possible. At the same time, I would not worry about his idle threats for one or two occasions where visitation could not be kept. By the way, I would not be including his new family in your activities. That's asking for trouble you don't need. Being "fair" as a parent does not mean you have to put yourself in such a vulnerable position. As for your daughter not wanting to go... she is still too young to decide she doesn't want to visit. While her opinion does matter, she cannot be the ultimate decider. What ever you do... keep as much visitation as possible, never bad mouth the father around the daughter, and quit putting yourself in a position of being abused. Cathy