Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    omgitsshilpa's Avatar
    omgitsshilpa Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 25, 2011, 07:21 PM
    Why am i having feelings for a friend that has passed away 3 years ago?
    my mom's friend's son had passed away in a car accident 3 years ago. I cried so much even though I barely remembered him. We grew up together but didn't talk after I moved away. The night before he died, I randomly started thinking about him again and how he was and stuff. I wanted to talk to him. I woke up the next morning and my dad was talking on the phone. When he told me that he had died, at first, it didn't really do anything to me. I was in shock. I didn't believe it, especially since I was thinking about him the night before. But when I walked out my house, I broke down and cried. That year, I went to visit his sister and his parents. His sister and me talked so much. She told me he was always thinking and talking about me. He was asking his mom how I was and stuff. Now, 3 years later, I can't go a day without thinking about him. Its like I'm in love with him. Even though I didn't know him, its like we have a connection. Why can't I stop thinking about him? It breaks my heart just thinking about him. Its so unfair what has happened to him! I'm not interested in any boys that come and talk to me now, even if they're perfect.

    what should I do? And why is this happening to me?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #2

    Apr 25, 2011, 10:29 PM

    Your grief seems to have you stuck, almost like you blame yourself in some sort of weird way, and you haven't accepted this, or gotten closure from it. Have you talked to anyone about the way this is affecting you? You really should.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
    Uber Member
     
    #3

    Apr 27, 2011, 05:12 AM

    I think for whatever reason you are fixated on this person and his death. Maybe you think you could have changed something, there could have been a relationship, now it's too late. Maybe (as Talaniman said) you feel some sort of sense of guilt.

    I was widowed. One of the things I learned in group (and a bereavement group may help you) is that "we" often grieve for other things with the death of a loved one as a catalyst. For example (and I have no idea if this is the case) "you" have a disappointment in life (career going no where, no meaningful relationship in sight, you are confused about your future). You become upset and grieve over the death (no matter how distant the person was) rather than the actual cause of your sadness because it's a more acceptable reason to grieve.

    Do you know what I mean?

    My personal experience was months after my husband died, we had a major power outage, I couldn't get the generator to fire, I was cold and frightened and alone - and I was sobbing on a friend who came to the house to help me, grieving my husband, when I realized I was upset about everything, not just the death of my husband. Hysterically sobbing over the generator would make no sense; sobbing over my husband's death was "acceptable."

    I hope this makes sense to you because it's difficult to explain.

    In any event 3 years is a long time to grieve. Perhaps it's time to consult with a professional. That's always a good idea when you feel like you are obsessing over anything, when you cannot get certain thoughts out of your mind, when an event begins to control your life.
    omgitsshilpa's Avatar
    omgitsshilpa Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #4

    Apr 27, 2011, 08:37 AM
    Thanks! I totally get what you mean. I have some things going on with my friends at the moment and I feel alone... and I have stress about collage and what might happen to my future... but thanks :)
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
    Uber Member
     
    #5

    Apr 27, 2011, 08:50 AM

    I absolutely guarantee that everything that is going on in your life is being reflected by the sense of grief you feel.


    Is there anything you can do to lessen the stress?

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Should I apologize to a friend who has no idea I wronged them 20 years ago? [ 8 Answers ]

Recently, I have been trying to sort out my life. I have come to the conclusion that there are some things in my life I am ashamed of and would like to make apologies to those I have hurt. Yes, I know this is to make me feel better, but that is the idea. Here's what happened: 20 years ago, my...

What will happen if I owe an ex-friend money from three years ago it was verbally [ 5 Answers ]

What could happen to me if an ex-friend borrowed me money , it was verbally , about three years ago and wants it back now I have no possible way to pay him because I am involved in chapter 13 for another year remember it was verbal and this is the first time he has said a word about this can he...

I live in Mo and my husband passed away 8 years ago, does he still have his 401k [ 1 Answers ]

I live in Mo and my husband passed away 8 years ago. Does he still have his 401k and can I get it? I have applied for social security for me and the boys. Do I have to wait until I retire or can I access it now?

We broke up 2 years ago, but my feelings for her are strong. How can I forget her? [ 6 Answers ]

Hi there. My name is Andy, and I desperately need some help. In December 2004 I met a girl over the internet. She lived 240 miles away from me. After chatting together for months, we fell in love. On the 10th of July 2005, we met in her home town. I remember getting off the train, and she was...

My best friend Died 2 years ago today my girlfriend don't understan [ 7 Answers ]

My best friend Died 2 years ago today and my GF just don’t understand. She was my best this is really confusing and I hope you can understand this all my best friend died two years ago in trouble car accident and well the thing is I never met her. I know that sounds messed up but it’s the truth....


View more questions Search