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    Chrissie1983's Avatar
    Chrissie1983 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jan 4, 2011, 07:17 AM
    Mom and friend died in one week
    My mother and a very close friend of mine passed away in the same week , 3 weeks ago, I don't know if its normal but I hardly cried(only if I drink do I cry) I get teary eyed but I haven't really cried.. Is this normal.. Not that I want to break down and cry?
    Curlyben's Avatar
    Curlyben Posts: 18,514, Reputation: 1860
    BossMan
     
    #2

    Jan 4, 2011, 07:19 AM
    Grief is a very personal business and how YOU chose to display it is entirely up to you.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #3

    Jan 4, 2011, 07:32 AM

    Shock is a wonderful thing as it protect your mental health and you can process at your own pace.

    You are in a very tramatic period of your life, it takes time for your emotions mind and body to come to terms.

    For me I found it very difficult to cry in fact it became quite a worry for me until I bashed my head a few months later against the door frame,and boy did that hurt,but the relief that came from just being able to cry.

    It will happen,treat yourself kindly and do the simple every day things if you can,not everyone can.

    Talk about how your feeling and about your mother and your friend.some people like to speak to a councillor,some don't.

    Grief as mentioned is very personal, everyone is different.

    The tears will come and perhaps when you least expect them,maybe a smell or a song or even a TV show may trigger them.

    Know how you are feeling is natural.

    You may still be dreaming that they are alive and this can continue for awhile,or even at this early stage in denial and pretending they are alive but somewhere else,all these things are normal as part of the process.

    If you can start a journal I found this helped me,just purging out what happened and the events around the deaths,and in time a great way to reflect and see how far you have come.

    I'm sorry for your loss, and yes things will never be the same again,even you may never be the same again but you will get through this and in time you will be able to think about them and smile and laugh at the memories.

    I wish you well.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #4

    Jan 4, 2011, 10:06 AM
    Don't worry about what is normal. I don't think there is a normal.
    I am puzzled sometimes by my reaction to death. I'll cry occasionally when someone dies on the news, or a friend I haven't seen in years, and not cry when someone dies in my family or a friend I see often. I didn't cry when I put my beloved dog to sleep, even though I think about him a ton and have a strong sadness behind it, as I do with certain very dear people who I never cried over. I wonder sometimes if crying has a lot to do with an urgent need to shake the person awake to tell them what you didn't express or ask for what you didn't hear, sort of a panic. Grief and mourning take many many forms.
    Emland's Avatar
    Emland Posts: 2,468, Reputation: 496
    Ultra Member
     
    #5

    Jan 4, 2011, 12:23 PM

    I lost my mother in 2009. It was well over a year before I truly cried for her. Don't feel like you have to fit your emotions into the societal norm. Sorry for your loss.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
    Uber Member
     
    #6

    Jan 8, 2011, 10:26 AM

    Everyone handles grief in a different manner. My father died and my sister was almost stoic. On the one year anniversary of his death she went to pieces, scared all of us, ended up going into counselling.

    Everyone grieves in a different fashion.

    My experience was close to that of "Red." My husband died. I thought I was fine. I cried at timese, nothing heavy, kept telling myself I was fine. One day I was taking a shower and ended up on my knees, sobbing and hammering my fists on the tile wall.

    Some people never break down.

    And, yes, shock is a big part of it.

    I wouldn't worry about what is normal or not normal. If it works for you it's your normal.

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