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    A rod138's Avatar
    A rod138 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 2, 2017, 03:45 PM
    Loss of my only child my son
    My son died 4 months ago in a tragic car accident I don't know how to cope with this who can help me I can't focus on life with a future and don't care about anything that happens to me
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,769, Reputation: 5427
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    #2

    Jan 2, 2017, 03:47 PM
    I'm so sorry to hear this. I have two sons and my heart breaks for you. Tell us more about him.
    A rod138's Avatar
    A rod138 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jan 2, 2017, 03:56 PM
    My son Michael was everything to me a recent college graduate a sergeant in the army he had everything going for him and it was taken away in one night
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,769, Reputation: 5427
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    #4

    Jan 2, 2017, 04:39 PM
    Have you sought out grief counseling or perhaps a grief support group? Talking about your son would be excellent therapy. I know it doesn't sound like it would help, but that's what my family did when my dad died unexpectedly. There are other ways to work through this, too. Please stay in touch. Others here will give good and helpful responses.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #5

    Jan 2, 2017, 05:49 PM
    I'm so very sorry for your loss. I have lost many people in my life, but never have I experienced the loss of a child, and I hope I never have to (knocking on wood).

    Counseling is a good start, but it's not for everyone. Also, it can take time to find a counselor that you mesh with, so if you do decide on counseling, give yourself the time to find a counselor that you're comfortable with.

    There are also many support groups out there for people that have lost a child. Google for one in your area, or ask your local church group, they often are the ones that allow the church space for these groups and they may be able to lead you in the right direction.

    Are you married? If so, talking to your spouse is a great start. I know it's hard, you're both dealing with your grief right now, but you need each other, and you're both going through the same thing, and that's often the best person to talk to about your grief.

    I have found that writing in a journal also helps, but that's a very personal thing, and not something that helps everyone.

    Talk to your friends and family, they're there for you, and I'm sure they all want to help, but have no idea how. Too many people don't know what to say or do for a loved one when they've experienced such a tragic loss, and often times friends and family will stay away because they think you need space, or because they're worried that they'll say or do the wrong thing. Let them know that you need them, and let them be there for you.

    When I lost my parents I was beside myself. Even after all these years (they both died in 2001) I'm still not over my grief 100%. I doubt I ever will be. But I have been able to move on and live my life. It's not always easy, but I do find that talking about them, showing pictures of them, telling stories about them, helps me so much. It keeps them alive in my memory, and my children's memory, even though they really don't remember them, and my youngest never even knew them, she was born in 2002.

    So, tell us about your son. Tell us a story that touched your heart. Tell us everything you want about him. Share a picture if you want. We're here, and we're more than willing to listen.

    Again, I'm so very very sorry you're going through this. I can't promise that you'll ever feel the same, but I can promise that with time it will get easier.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #6

    Jan 2, 2017, 07:35 PM
    There are almost always support groups around even small towns. Go to all of them! Talk-talk-talk.
    I have one thing to say about grief - spend a lot of time separating guilt (normal enough, but don't let it run your grief) from sadness. Guilt twists grief all around. Of course you had nothing to do with his death, but make very sure you BELIEVE that.
    Clear a shelf or top of bookcase of all items, and then make a little shrine to your son. Pictures, mementos, a candle. Meditate in a chair in front of it, with TV off and just the candle.
    In summer (or now if you are in a warm climate) plant a tree or shrub in his memory.
    Make your own garden placque or stone. Make a simple bench out of 2 blocks and a slab of bluestone.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #7

    Jan 3, 2017, 05:37 AM
    Oh wow. I can't even pretend to imagine what you are going through.

    "I can't focus on life with a future and don't care about anything that happens to me" - and that is just fine for now. I don't think you are supposed to feel better right away. Allow yourself the time to grieve. My partner and I adopted an 11 year old whose parents were killed by a drunk driver two years ago. I can't imagine what he went through but I do know time helps heal those wounds. You will honor your son by your memory of your son.

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