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    kim021's Avatar
    kim021 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 1, 2013, 07:19 PM
    How do I talk to my mum who died?
    My mum died in October last year a day after my daughterís birthday. She was my bestest friend and I was really close to her. I held her hand as she took her last breath. My dog of 10 years died 30th Dec last year. I held him as he slipped away. My granddaughter was born at 04.45 on 4th Feb. this year, and 7 hours later, my horse that I had had for 16 years had to put to sleep because she had cancer. I couldnít stay with her till the end as I felt my heart had been ripped out when my mum died and I couldnít face it, if my granddaughter hadnít been born that morning, I truly feel I wouldnít be here.

    I want so much to feel my mum around me but I donít. I have been to various tarot card readers and they have said a few things that are true but nothing that really convinces me. I have 3 questions in my head. I just want a sign from my mum. Iíve totally gone downhill. I drink too much, I have let myself go, I donít sleep, I push everyone away and the biggest thing is, I donít go to see my dad. It takes me months to go to see him. Itís not his fault and I feel horrible that Iím putting my dad though this. It just feels wrong that my mums not there. Itís killing me inside, I donít know which way to turn.

    I really need my mum. What do I do? Please help me
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,277, Reputation: 7690
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    #2

    Sep 2, 2013, 03:47 AM
    There is no way to really talk to MOM and she actually talks back. How would your mom feel about your treating DAD this way and living your life like this ?

    It is about time that you get back into life and start to live a life your mom would be proud of. If you need professional help, get it. Living like this, is just a disrepect of yourself and your mom's memory
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #3

    Sep 2, 2013, 06:20 AM
    It has been almost a year since your mother died, and I am sorry you are going through this. Not everyone can bounce back from so many losses either. Death is different for everyone.

    It is a slippery slope you are on with the drinking, and not taking care of yourself, and being in such a rut where you push people, and life, away.

    Life isn't going to stop for you, you will just be in this miserable place, wasting precious time.

    Start small. And start talking. Call a girlfriend up and go out to a quiet place and catch up on what's been going on in the world you have shut out. You can control the conversation if it touches on subjects you aren't willing to talk about. Just enjoy the company of someone you enjoy, even for an hour.

    Take a walk, or ride a bike, every day. See the beauty in the life around you, and enjoy the fresh air. Put effort into tidying up your life- less drinking, more activity. Start slowly, and work your way up. Even mark small things to do on the calendar, and make yourself do them.

    And you can talk to your mother. Get a special notebook if it's easier, and write to her- every day. Tell her that you are trying hard to get back to the land of the living, and how much you enjoyed seeing so-and-so for coffee today. Let her know how you miss her terribly, and always will. Look forward to your talks or writing, and you will feel closer to her.

    Realize that the people reaching out to you don't want to take the bond you had with your mother, away from you. Nobody can take that away. By shutting them out, you will miss far more than you realize. Make a plan to go and visit your Dad, and if you aren't comfortable talking about your mom, or any of the losses you've suffered, let him know, before you go, so you won't feel like you're walking into an ambush, or a situation you are not ready to face.

    Being in the company of others is good for the soul. It directs your energy away from yourself, and into the moment you are in, and most likely that will be a welcome situation after so long on your own.

    Bit by bit, even though it is hard, is important for you to do. You really only have two choices. Continue as you are, or start improving your life a little bit each day.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,912, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Sep 2, 2013, 07:53 AM
    Maybe renewing the family bonds will give you the hope and strength to accept the events of your life, and deal with it in positive ways. I think seeking your mother through strangers and charlatans may be the whole problem, when you may find her through the people who knew her, and loved her, and shared with her.

    Could this terrible emotional pain be a sign you have isolated yourself from the very ones you should be reaching out too, like your own father, and family? Its one thing to want a sign you are not alone and have love and support, but what good is it when you may be ignoring the very thing you are looking for?

    Try your own family, for a realistic reconnection to what you have lost, and missed sorely.

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