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    12341996's Avatar
    12341996 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 9, 2014, 04:18 PM
    How do people deal with death of their boyfriend
    My boyfriend passed away last month in a road collision. I couldn't do anything for at least a week, all I could do was go from crying to being overly happy about our memories. Now over a month has passed and I've managed to get back to school and I'm trying to study for my a-level exams. I can't concentrate at all, he's all I think about- literally. I thought that id become a lot better in doing every day things by last week and I could interact and laugh with my friends for a bit. But I feel like it's hit me again, the shock and horror of the whole situation. It's come back again once I thought it had gone and I'm in pieces. So much stress is on my shoulders and I feel like I should have gotten over the hardest part now but it's just come back to me. Will I feel better in a month? Will it get worse? I have no idea, my moods are fluctuating from week to week and it feels never ending darkness without him.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    Apr 9, 2014, 04:55 PM
    It takes time but you get over it and move on... there are far worse things that can happen... losing a Spouse, Parent, sibling, child...

    How can I say this... I've lost two girlfriends to traffic accidents due to drunk drivers.

    Life does go on.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #3

    Apr 9, 2014, 06:39 PM
    So sorry to hear of your loss. There is no time limit on grief. Everyone works through it in their own time, and in their own way, as you will too. You have already seen that you have moved a little bit forward in healing. Expect good days and bad. Sometimes you will catch yourself laughing with friends, and then perhaps a song or situation will remind you of your boyfriend. Expect it, it's going to happen. But it will get easier as time goes by. You will find more good days than bad, more happy memories than sad, and eventually you will love again. You won't forget, but you won't dwell on it either.

    The only time to be concerned would be if you find that you aren't making any progress in moving forward; even slow progress is progress. If necessary, you may consider speaking with a counselor if you don't notice positive change. Hopefully you will have a good friend or family member that you can share your feelings with now and then. Some people find that it helps to write their feelings and thoughts down in a journal for example.

    The point is, don't put a time limit on it... allow yourself time to heal, and you will start to feel better more and more.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7691
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    #4

    Apr 10, 2014, 01:20 AM
    I am so sorry for the loss. I will agree, in one month, you may be just a little better. In a year you should be some better. We all grieve in our own ways. It is not easy, and when the loss is unexpected it can be harder.

    After 20 years, when I hear a certain song, I can still get a tear from the loss of my first wife.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #5

    Apr 10, 2014, 02:01 AM
    It will become part of you, never really 'gone,' and that's the way it should be. You add it to you who you are. Maybe it will allow you to be more sensitive to others who just lost someone, and give you an appreciation for what you have when you have it. In other words, it can make you a better person.
    To deal with grief, GRIEVE. Let friends drag you around with them without trying to cheer you up. Don't go on and on about it, or they will get exhausted not knowing what to do, so just 'be.'
    Around the house, set up a little shrine on a shelf, mementos you can talk to. Talk to him all the time, even when you eat something he liked or go somewhere you went with him. Talk out loud. Write him letters. Plant something and watch it grow. Talk to him through the plant. Get a cat or dog and name it after him. Join drunk driver campaigns.

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