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    missk's Avatar
    missk Posts: 517, Reputation: 44
    Senior Member

    May 4, 2014, 04:16 PM
    Grandson asking for grandpas things
    (eight years old) His great grandpa passed away. When he came out of the shower, he asked.. can I have some of grandpa's stuff? Do you think this is rude, as in, should I explain that this is rude, OR, do you think that is a pretty normal reaction. He just asked this, he passed away this morning. I think this may be his own way of coping by wanting to have some of his things. How should I handle this... I DID ask him why does he want some of his things, and he said because he has really cool things... (he does have lots of little cool stuff that a little boy would want.. he's always loved going in his room and looking at this and that (flashlights and what-nots)..
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man

    May 4, 2014, 04:30 PM
    I don't see it has rude, more just innocence in a child. I would explain to him that it might be considered greedy. Depending on how the estate is being handled, I would allow him to have one or two things.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert

    May 4, 2014, 05:07 PM
    No human being, regardless of their age, knows the 'proper' way to grieve, ask appropriate questions, comment the 'right' way, or be expected to know that complicated emotions, and the upset in the entire family, has only a certain way to be expressed. It is especially difficult for children.

    This is not an issue of manners, respect, or proper etiquette, particularly referenced to a child, who has just lost his grandfather.

    Why not just simply tell him, that he can choose one item, until after the funeral. Maybe give him a choice of a few things, small things, that he might wish to keep with him, during the difficult days ahead.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert

    May 4, 2014, 05:40 PM
    I agree with Scott and Jake. I don't see this as rude at all, just a child grieving, and not knowing how to handle the grief.

    You said he loved going into Great Grandpa's room and playing with his cool stuff. This is a memory for him. The stuff is a memory as well. Having a few special items may help him deal with the loss, help him to keep those memories.

    I was always very close to my Great Grandma. She lived with my Opa and Oma, in the attic room. It was a cool room, low ceilings, she had a bedroom and a sitting room. I was the only one of all the grand kids that was ever allowed to go to that room. She'd sit with me and show me pictures of when she was younger, show me things she wanted me to have when she died. She'd let me try on her jewelry and tell me about when she got them, who she got them from. She had these dolls, very old, not that well made, they had felt hair that was glued on. I loved them.

    When she died I begged my Oma to have one of the dolls. My Oma told me that she was keeping everything, and throwing away most of the junk. She considered those dolls junk. I never forgave my Oma for not letting me have at least one of those dolls, because they meant so much to me, reminded me so much much of my Great Grandma.

    Those items may mean a great deal to him. They'll keep his memories alive. Wanting that, is not rude.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member

    May 5, 2014, 06:35 AM
    I don't see it as rude either. In fact I did the same thing. I asked my Grandfather if he would leave me his cane collection and I asked my aunt if she would leave me her antique violin. I got both.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646

    May 5, 2014, 06:52 AM
    Why would you see this as rude?

    Personally, I see it as sweet that he wants something of his Great Grandfathers belongings to hold on to so as to keep him in his memory. I don't see this as rude at all. This is an 8 year old CHILD you are talking about. He doesn't have the mental capacity to wrap his head around losing a loved one.

    I think this is wonderful way to keep his memory around.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    May 5, 2014, 07:11 AM
    I did something like this... I climbed on my great aunt's lap and asked if I could have her brooch when she died! ARGGH. Somehow the memory stayed with me and of course I was mortified years later. But any child does this in innocence, and I see no need to say more than one little gentle sentence as others suggested above.

    (Turns out my mother, to whom I had told my story, managed to get the pin and I found it in my mother's effects when she died 60 years later.)

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