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    Buster467's Avatar
    Buster467 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 15, 2013, 12:25 AM
    My father committed suicide few months back. Where do I even start?
    I don't know where to begin but maybe someone here can help me begin to learn where to start. This isn't easy saying but I received a call from my brother that my dad had taken off to the cabin and he looked angry so I started my 2 hour trek home from work and headed to the cabin. We got to the cabin and nobody could find him anywhere and noticed his pistol was missing from the gun collection. We drove down the road and my brother noticed his tire tracks leading into a specific set of gravel pits where we hunt prairie chickens.

    They drove in and found his truck running Got all excited because we found him hoping all was right. Well it wasn't when we found him he had shot himself in the temple with the smallest caliber gun in his truck. We found him but like this. His truck was left running and he had Bob Marley song... "Everything's Gonna Be Alright" playing. I don't know where to even begin. It all seems like a very sick joke. Someone please help me. This is driving me insane :( He left no explanation for anything just a whole life we thought he was happy to be part of.

    By the way he did this a week before Fathers Day and the sickest part is he knew we were all looking for him and that we'd find him. Why, just why is all I want to know, and I never will. :(
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #2

    Aug 15, 2013, 04:34 AM
    I would love to give you closure; some of us never will have closure for the reasons 0f losing a loved one. Nothing you can do, nothing anyone can say, nothing you will ever know my dear. Only dwell on the happiest memories of you and your dad forever and eventually the torment will disappear and you will find the love from him again in your heart. No one can ever take that away and it will sustain you.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #3

    Aug 15, 2013, 05:00 AM
    I'll try to help in a different way, not because it's right or wrong, just different. I like answers, even when there aren't any.
    One is being found. Yes, usually people want to be found, even if they shoot themselves in the temple and it's bound to be fatal. I think the reason is to save you from having to find a decomposed or animal or bug ravaged body (sorry for the image).
    The other is the song, which he may have listened to over and over. There's a saying that people can't kill themselves when they are at the very lowest low, because it really does take a lot of energy and resolve. So they sometimes do it on the 'rising tide of expectations.' Some sort of hope creeps in and is too much to take because it hasn't helped before, so he finally kills himself.
    As for the truck running, I suspect that he was in the middle of should I leave or should I shoot, and this went on and on until he made his choice.


    I am not one who believes in closure except in regard to trivial breakups with lovers. Something like a tragic death doesn't 'close.' You grieve, you get angry at him for leaving, you hate yourself for getting angry, you hate him for making you hate yourself, you go back to grieving. Maybe over and over. Oh - and don't forget guilt. We all feel guilty when someone dies, no matter whether we could have done anything or not.
    Guilt is the one emotion you MUST work out in your mind and drop. If you don't feel it, good, but if you do, keep talking about it with yourself, family, therapist, strangers online, until you get rid of it.
    His death is now a part of who you are. You are now a different person. That's all it means. My best feelings to you.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,277, Reputation: 7690
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    #4

    Aug 15, 2013, 07:43 AM
    Of course so many issues, he may have thought the police would find him, after he was missing and you called the police.
    Most people would not see or notice tire prints going to a quarry.

    And of course he had no idea when he would be found, so if this was a CD, any song on it could have been playing. Of course truck could have ran out of gas and battery dead before being found. Father had no way to predict this.

    And father had at least a 2 hour head start, so the timing of anything could not have been planned.

    Men are more likely to shot themselves than women, and while putting gun in mouth is most popular method, to the temple is still done. I doubt there was any thought of caliber of gun, unless he was thinking about open casket, since a larger caliber may make it hard for reconstruction of head.

    But you do not make sense of it, don't even try. People who do crazy things have mental health issues, and often those close never see it.
    Buster467's Avatar
    Buster467 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Aug 15, 2013, 08:00 AM
    The thing I don't understand is he's always been a laid back kind of guy talks everything through. My mom n brothers were at the cabin with him the weekend before this happened and said they had a great time. He did this on a Monday the sat before our neighbors were sitting with him and he gave off a cold bone chilling glare she felt very uncomfortable near him he's never been like this the Monday morning our other neighbor at the cabin was talking to him on the dock my dad was very quiet. But the neighbor said the last thing he did was stand up salute the neighbor and walk away . He's never saluted any one in his life it's just not like him. Also when we found him it was a CD in his truck but bob marley was on repeat he purposefully put it on repeat :( so there's so much involved its driving me crazy :( we've grown up with guns and hunting our whole life the way I'm looking at it he used a leather shot to make sure he wouldn't make it and to make sure he didn't make a mess in his truck hoping we'd keep it after this we have tons of other guns so why did he pick the .22 doctors said he's dam lucky it didn't bounce around n leave him brain dead :( but still there's just no excuse for this none whatsoever)
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #6

    Aug 15, 2013, 08:10 AM
    Yes, a 22 to the temple doesn't always kill. In a way you are all lucky that he did die.
    Was he ever in the military?
    If he really was a well adjusted and happy guy until the last few days, it could be ANYTHING from an underlying physical problem like a brain tumor, all the way to a secret in his life coming out. You may never know. You may talk to a gazillion people who had contact with him in the last year, and find some secret. You can talk to the coroner about the extent of the autopsy (not all autopsies are thorough)!
    Can you think of a secret burden he might have been carrying? Of course a secret is a secret, and he may have wanted to make sure no one ever will know.
    Buster467's Avatar
    Buster467 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Aug 15, 2013, 11:03 AM
    He was never in military or any where near we think he may ha e had bi polar but never forced him to get checked :( it runs in his moms side of the family. And all that doesn't make sense is he made so many promises only a few hours before he did this I talked to him by text and he seemed fine. He drank a half a 26 the night of:( other then that I have no idea :,( I'm 22 and he was only 44 he leaves behind 3 kids me and my 2 brothers ones my twin and other is 21 and our mom did he not stop to think how much his family would miss him or the burdens he's leaving us with :(
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #8

    Aug 15, 2013, 11:21 AM
    Bipolars never want to see a doctor! Don't kick yourself over that. No one can 'force' an adult to do anything they don't want to do - right?
    What is a bit unusual is that bipolar usually is obvious starting in the 20s. But that doesn't mean much. For every person who fits the mold there is someone who doesn't.
    Drinking alcohol you must know by now is actually a depressant, despite how you act at first.
    I don't know what a 26 is?
    He might have been thinking about suicide for years, you know. The fact that his 3 children are now 21+ sounds like a clue to me that he was waiting.
    I know that's no consolation!
    You miss him. He left you. The burden is great, emotionally and all sorts of ways. It's OK to be angry and you really need to be angry. Go shoot some tin cans. Go screaming through the woods.
    AND - talk to your siblings about signs of bipolar among you. It does run in families.
    Your job now is to all take care of each other.
    Buster467's Avatar
    Buster467 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Aug 15, 2013, 02:24 PM
    Thank all of you sooo very much this does help ever since I've been pushing it off pretending its not real. I don't want to deal with it.but I guess I probably should. Last August I tried to end my life by driving my vehicle into a lake but my dad stopped me he's the reason I changed and haven't had bad thoughts since he's always said NOTHING is worth ending your life for he's really really pushed that on us then he goes and does this. Makes me look at him as a coward after everything he's said and he didn't do himself. But I do feel I'm getting some where talking to strangers really does help. Thank you again.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #10

    Aug 15, 2013, 03:02 PM
    Keep talking here (if you want of course).
    I'm wondering about your suicidal thoughts... and this family tendency.
    Can you get to a clinic? Your siblings too? You might all have bipolar tendencies.
    (I've had plenty of real depression in my life including being suicidal.)

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