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    johnstond's Avatar
    johnstond Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 14, 2013, 07:31 PM
    54 year old widow
    I am 54 years old and a new widow. My husband died a year ago. He was wrongfully diagnosed and could be still alive if they had just got it right. I miss him so much and feel so alone. Sometimes I think I am going to lose my mind. My kids are growing up and I will be alone at a time I thought we would began a new page in our lives. Where do I go from here?
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,253, Reputation: 5642
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    #2

    Jul 14, 2013, 07:41 PM
    I am so sorry for your loss. I have no words to express how sorry I am for you.

    I don't speak from experience. I have never lost a spouse, but I helped my mother through the loss of her husband, my father, of 50 years.

    As lame as it is, I can only tell you to take it one day at a time. Cry when you need to and laugh at the good memories.

    We do have several members here who have lost a spouse, JudyKayTee, for one, and I'm sure they will be here to help and support you when they are online. Judy is the most supportive of all of the members here.

    Again, my sympathies are with you.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,273, Reputation: 7690
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    #3

    Jul 14, 2013, 08:22 PM
    I sadly have buried two spouses, and there is no easy way to go on.

    But the one thing you don't do, is lock yourself away in your home and stop living, your spouse would have never wanted that.

    You work, if you need to, you get involved in civic activiteis you find things to do, most senior citizen centers have activities for 54 or 55 year olds,

    You help in community with older people, or share what you know with youth.

    You live.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #4

    Jul 15, 2013, 09:53 AM
    Thanks, J9, for being there for me when I was where this poster is.

    I was widowed. My husband was sick for a long time, I always knew I would be a widow (from the day we married), and at the end there were mistakes. I had to look at would I rather live without him, knowing he's at peace, or watch him struggle every day. Sometimes that's all that gets me through the day.

    I know about the loneliness, being half of what should be a couple, all the plans that go down the window. My husband worked hard his whole life because he had so much planned for retirement - but he never reached retirement age. I'm sure that's what you are looking at.

    I had no children, stepchildren, but no children, so, yes, I was also alone, and people who have not lost a spouse can know what loss is, but they go home at night to a meal or company or a warm body in bed. You go home to yourself.

    I can tell you it gets better. I can also tell you that to some degree the "missing someone," the loneliness, never completely goes away - but it does get better. Time make the difference. If it didn't all widows would go crazy, and I truly mean that.

    You need to find where you can get peace - to some people it's a group. To others it's solitude. I worked, but I stepped up my volunteering. There will always be bad days. Soon there will be good days.

    I remember the first time I laughed after my husband died. I was embarrassed and ashamed and upset - how could I enjoy myself when he was gone from me? It's a series of steps. Everyone is different.

    My husband knew I was going to be widowed and told me time after time that I had to go on, that I would disrespect him if my life ended when he died. He kept telling me I was strong, I would be all right.

    I told him I would die loving him, would always love him, would always miss him - but that I would go on, find happiness, and never, ever forget.

    And I have.

    You need to find (and it's a hit and miss process) what will give you peace.

    I am so terribly sorry for your loss, and I will be thinking of you and wondering how you are.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,253, Reputation: 5642
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    #5

    Jul 15, 2013, 03:35 PM
    Thanks, J9, for being there for me when I was where this poster is.
    And I'm there with you every year at that time Judy. Whether you know it or not, you are always in my thoughts.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #6

    Jul 15, 2013, 03:45 PM
    I can't say more or better.
    I can say that if wrongful death is eating at your grief and you can't separate anger from sadness, then consult a medical malpractice lawyer for an interview, with his records.

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