I am having such problems with my 19 year old daughter. She graduated last year and went to the Orlando Culinary Academy after graduation. She decided she did not like Orlando and came back home after 6 months. This is the same person who swore up and down that when she went to school, she would not come back home. After about 1 month, she did get a job. However, all she does when she's not working is sit on the couch and do nothing. She has a new truck that her grandma gave her and we are paying the insurance as well as paying for her cell phone. In August we will probably have to start paying on her student loan. Her room is a mess and I do mean a mess... you can't even walk on the floor. She leaves any dishes where they lay. She sleeps in the living room even though she has a bed in her room. She'll wash a big washer full of clothes and then throw them in the dryer... I've tried to tell her that her dryer loads are too big and she leaves things in her pockets, even though we have asked her not to. Even though we recently had to buy a new dryer, she says this is not the reason, even though the guy at the appliance store said it was. She has used every and I do mean every towel in the house and they are in her room. I used to go in there and pick them up and wash them, but I will not do that any more I keep mine and my husbans' towels in our room. She doesn't call when she's not going to coming home for the night. I know she is drinking beer, because we have found unopened beers in her room. Wehave told her if she gets picked up for underage drinking, do not call us. She will go in my room and take anything she wants and then tells me she didn't do it. If I said a word to her about anything, she gets an attitude. Everything that she has ever done, was because I made her do it! If we confront her about anything, she will get in her truck and leave. We hold the title to her truck and have called the PD to try and help us. They are of now help. I'm so done with this. I can not even enjoy my own home. We can't go off for a weekend, because I'm afraid of what I will find when I return. I told my husband today that I can't deal with this anymore. She is so ungrateful and a moocher. She is using us like a door mat. I told my husband today that I am going to try and evict her. I have given the date of 1 September. Am I being unreasonable? How do I get her evicted? I've written to all the talk shows and of course, I have heard nothing from them. I just don't know what to do anymore and I'm sick of being miserable. Please help me. Thanks Debi

I am so sorry for all of your trouble! But you and your husband need to lay the law down and take back over your house before it causes problems between you two. I would lay the new laws down for her and if she did not like them she could pack up and leave right then. But as long as she was living in my house and under my roof she would obey me and respect my house. PLEASE for the sake of yourself and husband do this and stick to it. You deserve to live a happy life and not put up with it. She is a grown up now and time for her to face it! Listen or Get out! NO IF'S, AND'S, OR BUT'S ABOUT ANYTHING! GOOD LUCK AND LET ME KNOW HOW IT WORKS OUT!

We've tried to lay down the law to her and she gets us into a fight about something else. I'm thinking of typing up a document and putting all this in there. That way she can't fight with it. This has really ruined my husband and I's relationship. I try not to let it bother me but there are some many times when I get upset and cry. I just want to get her on the right road BEFORE it's too late. THanks Debi:mad:

Debi the best thing you can do is make her get out. She will have to grow up and you can get back to having a life with your husband. PLEASE DO THIS FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND!

How do I go about doing this legally?

Since she in not paying rent to you, she is not a tenant with tenant rights. You have given her until Sepatember 1st. That is very, almost too very, generous of you and your husband. It is not June yet. I would give her until June 30th. Then stick to it. Move her things out - in the garage if you have to. Change the locks. Do not pay for her insurance or her cell phone.

You can put all this down in writing and give a notarized copy and keep one for yourself. I would stop cleaning up after her today. Do not allow her to use your laundry room. If you have to, get locks for rooms you do not want her in - like your bedroom.

It sounds very harsh and unpleasant. It is too. But adult life is harsh and unpleasant many times. We all have been in some places and times that were less than the best ever. If she starts yelling at you or your husband, call the police. Have them come and take her out. My parents had to do that with my oldest brother. It was a wake up call for him. Your daughter needs a wake up call.

To be very honest, I do not even know why you would need to give her 30 days to get out. Your life is hell now and she is the root of it. Call your local police or sheriff's department. They deal with this kind of situation all the time.

Good luck to you and your husband.

I completely agree with shy. It's time to get tough, she has had her fair amount of warnings, obviously she is not going to change. You two have done above and beyond what parents should do and its you show her tough love. Do what shy said above, good luck!

Thank you for all your support. I guess I knew in my heart this was what we needed to do but now I am convinced. I know it will be the hardest thing I have ever done but I pray it will turn out right. Thank you.

Seriously it sounds like she is begging for a push from you to do something with her life... sometimes you have to force her... so make her go back to school or take all of her belongings while she's out of the house one day and pack them up and throw them on the front lawn... change the locks and hope for the best...

If I was doing what she is doing then I would want you to do that to me...

Maybe it's true. One reason we haven't really pushed her is because when she went to Orlando she said the reason she didn't finsih was because it was something she didn't want to do. According to her, we pushed her. After that I said never again.

I've worked on a contract and want your opinions on it. It's below:


In order to continue living in this residence, there are certain responsibilities that you must uphold. If you make a choice not to comply with this contract then we will ask you to leave. If you do not leave, we will request assistance from the police department to assist us. Once you leave, the only way you are welcome to come back is to accept and comply with these responsibilities. If you come back before you are ready to comply with these requirements, we will notify the authorities that you have trespassed on our property.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

1. Keep and maintain your room in a clean and orderly fashion. This is to include:
a. Keeping your floor and bed picked up
b. Do you laundry at least once a week
c. Do not let towels accumulate in your room resulting in odors
d. If you have too much clutter and clothes in your room, you will need to declutter.

2. Clean your bathroom after each use
3. Laundry: When you use the washer and dryer, ensure that you complete the cycle of washing, drying and putting away clothes. Do not throw other people's clothes on the floor.
4. Do not overload the washer or dryer.
5. Empty your pockets of all items before you put them in the washer and dryer. If something is missed, when you hear it in the washer/dryer remove it.
6. Maintain the washer/dryer as if it were your own.
7. Be respectful of my and your father’s property. If you need something, ASK. Do not assume that it is yours for the taking.
8. Pick up and clean up after yourself, whether it is in the kitchen, bathroom or any common area.
9. Stay out of my and your father’s room. Once again, if you need something out of our bedroom ASK
10. If money is in any containers, it is NOT YOURS for the taking.
11. When you use something, replace it (i.e. batteries). Do not remove batteries from our items for your use.
12. There will be no illegal substances brought into our house, including the garage and driveway. This includes beer and any other substances and it does not matter if it is not yours. Once it is in your possesssion, it is considered yours.
13. You are not allowed to have any one over when we are not at home. Additionally, just because something is in the house, it does not mean it is yours for the taking. ASK before you take something.
14. Respect in actions, words and tone, your father and myself.
15. Do not sleep in my living room on the couch. You have a bed in your room.
16. Answer your cell phone when we call or if you can't answer, call us back promptly.
17. If you are going to stay out all night, fine, just let us know for your safety.

This is your home as long as you want to be a productive member of this family. There will be times that you will be asked to do things that are not included in this contract. In return for your residency, insurance for your truck and cell phone, you should do these requests.

We do love you very much but we can not live the way that we are living now. This has to change. We don’t ask a lot of you, but you will need to comply with the above in order to continue living in this house. The choice is yours.

If you sign this contract, this is binding.

If the event, that you sign this document and do not comply, you will be asked to leave our house.


Please give me your thoughts... Thanks Debi

Honestly, I think the contract is a waste of time. If it makes you feel better about the situation then it's certainly up to you but contract or not you will get the same results. As far as the list of responsibilities on the list, it would be great to show that to her, just so she knows EXACTLY what's expected of her and there are no excuses.

I'm not for sure if the eviction process is the same everywhere but when people ask us at the police station we always point them in the direction of the county courthouse. You (if you can) might want to call down there first and ask where you should go to file the eviction. After it's been filed, she'll be served and thus will have a certain amount of time to get her stuff and get out.

Maybe it's true. One reason we haven't really pushed her is because when she went to Orlando she said the reason she didn't finsih was because it was something she didn't want to do. According to her, we pushed her. After that I said never again.

I've worked on a contract and want your opinions on it. It's below:


In order to continue living in this residence, there are certain responsibilities that you must uphold. If you make a choice not to comply with this contract then we will ask you to leave. If you do not leave, we will request assistance from the police department to assist us. Once you leave, the only way you are welcome to come back is to accept and comply with these responsibilities. If you come back before you are ready to comply with these requirements, we will notify the authorities that you have trespassed on our property.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

1. Keep and maintain your room in a clean and orderly fashion. This is to include:
a. Keeping your floor and bed picked up
b. Do you laundry at least once a week
c. Do not let towels accumulate in your room resulting in odors
d. If you have too much clutter and clothes in your room, you will need to declutter.

2. Clean your bathroom after each use
3. Laundry: When you use the washer and dryer, ensure that you complete the cycle of washing, drying and putting away clothes. Do not throw other people's clothes on the floor.
4. Do not overload the washer or dryer.
5. Empty your pockets of all items before you put them in the washer and dryer. If something is missed, when you hear it in the washer/dryer remove it.
6. Maintain the washer/dryer as if it were your own.
7. Be respectful of my and your father’s property. If you need something, ASK. Do not assume that it is yours for the taking.
8. Pick up and clean up after yourself, whether it is in the kitchen, bathroom or any common area.
9. Stay out of my and your father’s room. Once again, if you need something out of our bedroom ASK
10. If money is in any containers, it is NOT YOURS for the taking.
11. When you use something, replace it (i.e. batteries). Do not remove batteries from our items for your use.
12. There will be no illegal substances brought into our house, including the garage and driveway. This includes beer and any other substances and it does not matter if it is not yours. Once it is in your possesssion, it is considered yours.
13. You are not allowed to have any one over when we are not at home. Additionally, just because something is in the house, it does not mean it is yours for the taking. ASK before you take something.
14. Respect in actions, words and tone, your father and myself.
15. Do not sleep in my living room on the couch. You have a bed in your room.
16. Answer your cell phone when we call or if you can't answer, call us back promptly.
17. If you are going to stay out all night, fine, just let us know for your safety.

This is your home as long as you want to be a productive member of this family. There will be times that you will be asked to do things that are not included in this contract. In return for your residency, insurance for your truck and cell phone, you should do these requests.

We do love you very much but we can not live the way that we are living now. This has to change. We don’t ask a lot of you, but you will need to comply with the above in order to continue living in this house. The choice is yours.

If you sign this contract, this is binding.

If the event, that you sign this document and do not comply, you will be asked to leave our house.


Please give me your thoughts... Thanks Debi



In order to continue living in this residence, there are certain responsibilities that you must uphold. If you make a choice not to comply with this contract then we will ask you to leave. If you do not leave, we will request assistance from the police department to assist us. Once you leave, the only way you are welcome to come back is to accept and comply with these responsibilities. If you come back before you are ready to comply with these requirements, we will notify the authorities that you have trespassed on our property.


I agree with you whole heartedly but this part does seem a little too much like, she's your daughters friend living with you, it doesn't sound like something anyone should ever say to their daughter.

I don't think it's fair to use the police as a resort if she does not comply positively, I think using, 'we will have to move your belongings out of the house if you refuse to comply'.

If your daughter showed up beaten on your door step, surely you'd take her in.
It would not be fair to have this kind of contract between blood. Especially from such a close family network.

I really feel for you and I definitely know how you would be feeling.

She seems depressed. Like she doesn't have the motivation to better herself. Maybe she needs counselling to help her learn how to live correctly with her family.

I hope you and your husband get some rest, you deserve a break from all of this mess.
Continue to inform her who's paying for her bills and her life really, she wouldn't be able to have the big truck and her cel phone. I think it's unfair of her Grandmother to give her a truck that obviously needs to be insured without sorting out some sort of payment plan with her. Obviously you didn't buy her a truck yourself for that very reason.

Finally- TELL HER TO GET A JOB! A job a job a job! :) I have been working since I was 14 years old, it's not hard at all!

In saying all of this, I can empathise with you greatly because I am 19 and I know what it's like to gain responsibility and learn how to better myself for my family.

I disagree! Sometimes the police or sheriffs dept. are the best to help give a wake up call to kids like this. Deb do this but add that she must keep a job at all times and or go to school. If she falters--- KICK HER OUT! You are calling the shots now. Fix your life and family! The ball is in your field!
If she can not respect you and your husband after this then she needs to go. END OF SUBJECT! You two sound like great parents, I never had any that helped me and I did everything on my own my ENTIRE life. Trust me she needs this push! You two have done way more than you should have ever. Remember she is grown now, your marriage comes first! If your marriage isn't secure then nothing in the family will be. Your relationship with your husband comes first then your daughters.
Be strong and I will continue to pray for you all. GOD BLESS!

I feel for you and your husband. I am working through similar times with my two 19 year old daughters. This is a difficult time for them and for us as their parents. They face the transition from child to adult and we face all of our shortcomings as parents. We see so clearly now the product of our parenting. They face the world with what we have given them and if they are having a difficult time entering into independence they may call us on our failure to turn them into their world full of skills and self confidence. Anyway when I was a 19 year old myself my mother did resort to changing the locks on me so I could no longer live at home. I can see now that I was a challenge to them at the time but was facing far more hurt than they could have imagined. As a result of being "evicted" I was faced with yet more pain. It did not fix the problems at home... only made them more difficult once I conformed and was allowed to return home. At 43 now I look back on this time as among the most damaging times of my life and no longer speak to my mother. I will never resort to pushing away one of my children in an attempt to jolt some sense into them. From my experience as the "19 year old daughter" I understand that their poor behavior is a cry for help to acquire the skills or confidence they are lacking so they can move forward in their own lives. Feeling insecure with their living conditions will not correct this. We are on the homestretch now and must see through our final years of raising our children... don't let their adult bodies fool you into thinking they are fully grown! This is my experienced opinion. My heart is with you and hope you all find your way through this together.

You contract sounds like a good start. The one thing I'd suggest is setting a date for her to leave, even if things go well. Having a firm date as part of the contract may help her focus on what she needs to do to get out.

Jack Richards
Adult Children Living at Home (http://www.adultchildrenlivingathome.com/)

How can I legally throw her out in ny state?

It sounds like a good plan to me and if she can't comply then out the door she goes by whatever means. I think this could be a good learning tool for you and your husband and a way of gaining respect from your child. But be warned she may rebell and not speak to you after she is kicked out and it will hurt, but after she's had time to grow up maybe , just maybe she will understand you were not asking too much. Be ready to also listen to how she feels, but do not take any nasty words from her, just tell, her to get out if she starts up. I only wish I could have done that with mine too but I didn't have the chance.

19 is very young and perhaps she needs some support - to consider throwing a teenager out is not the answer. Some basic rules yes.. not hundreds or you just get angrier and angrier, set yourself up to fail and be frustrated. Start with the basics. Let her know you appreciate that she washes and dries her own clothes, your child is trying to take responsibility for herself. Get a clothes airer and suggest she puts it heavier stuff on that, tumbles the rest. Baby steps though. Try to relax, remember no one can MAKE you feel anything, how you choose to feel is up to you. When a situation occurs think, how else can I feel about this? Maybe you can make a list of things you appreciate about her, and about you,1. how well you are learning to deal with this challenging situation : P

Let her know you care about her, love her and that you are proud of her. Just for being her.

I would think she feels awful right now, college/university didn't work out, she probably feels mixed up, what's the point -in anything-in me, and the more we push and become aggressive, (some of the answers said call the police - on your own daughter? Put her out? For being an annoying teenager? Yikes I think you will regret it.)

At the end of the day this is your child. The towels are just towels- you found a good way to deal with that, and yeah lock your bedroom door if you need to, my friends son died a little while back, he was 19. They had a business and a good life. Now they look broken. You have your child and maybe if you talk to her when you are in a good mood-keep it brief so you don't get mad- she will begin to respect you and open up to you. I think she is struggling with something and yes it's hard on you - go for coffee with her, make time for her, engage her talk to her, make sure every conversation isn't just a build up of frustration and carry over from the last time. I don't know about your relationship, maybe when you relax that will improve.. how about you leave the kid with some of your washing and go out to dinner? React differently to how she expects, how we react is just a habit, we can make new habits, what we think are just thoughts-thoughts can be changed.

Maybe it's true. One reason we haven't really pushed her is because when she went to Orlando she said the reason she didn't finsih was because it was something she didn't want to do. According to her, we pushed her. After that I said never again.

I've worked on a contract and want your opinions on it. It's below:


In order to continue living in this residence, there are certain responsibilities that you must uphold. In the event that you make a choice not to comply with this contract then we will ask you to leave. In the event that you do not leave, we will request assistance from the police department to assist us. Once you leave, the only way you are welcome to come back is to accept and comply with these responsibilities. If you come back before you are ready to comply with these requirements, we will notify the authorities that you have trespassed on our property.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

1. Keep and maintain your room in a clean and orderly fashion. This is to include:
a. Keeping your floor and bed picked up
b. Do you laundry at least once a week
c. Do not let towels accumulate in your room resulting in odors
d. If you have too much clutter and clothes in your room, you will need to declutter.

2. Clean your bathroom after each use
3. Laundry: When you use the washer and dryer, ensure that you complete the cycle of washing, drying and putting away clothes. Do not throw other people's clothes on the floor.
4. Do not overload the washer or dryer.
5. Empty your pockets of all items before you put them in the washer and dryer. In the event that something is missed, when you hear it in the washer/dryer remove it.
6. Maintain the washer/dryer as if it were your own.
7. Be respectful of my and your father’s property. If you need something, ASK. Do not assume that it is yours for the taking.
8. Pick up and clean up after yourself, whether it is in the kitchen, bathroom or any common area.
9. Stay out of my and your father’s room. Once again, if you need something out of our bedroom ASK
10. If money is in any containers, it is NOT YOURS for the taking.
11. When you use something, replace it (i.e. batteries). Do not remove batteries from our items for your use.
12. There will be no illegal substances brought into our house, including the garage and driveway. This includes beer and any other substances and it does not matter if it is not yours. Once it is in your possesssion, it is considered yours.
13. You are not allowed to have any one over when we are not at home. Additionally, just because something is in the house, it does not mean it is yours for the taking. ASK before you take something.
14. Respect in actions, words and tone, your father and myself.
15. Do not sleep in my living room on the couch. You have a bed in your room.
16. Answer your cell phone when we call or if you can't answer, call us back promptly.
17. If you are going to stay out all night, fine, just let us know for your safety.

This is your home as long as you want to be a productive member of this family. There will be times that you will be asked to do things that are not included in this contract. In return for your residency, insurance for your truck and cell phone, you should do these requests.

We do love you very much but we can not live the way that we are living now. This has to change. We don’t ask a lot of you, but you will need to comply with the above in order to continue living in this house. The choice is yours.

If you sign this contract, this is binding.

If the event, that you sign this document and do not comply, you will be asked to leave our house.


Please give me your thoughts....Thanks Debi

Debi I think your contract is perfect If you don't mind I would like to use it for my daughter who has just turned 18 and is stealing from her sister and lying about it and she is moving in with her boy friend and I know she will be back because he is kind of a looser. Your situation is so similar to what goes on here I hope this contract works for both of us good luck .

Sounds fair to me. If she doesn't like it then tfb for her. She will either need to grow up or get out. And fast. It will make home life much easier for everyone... including her, eventually. Stay strong.

I too have a 19 year old daughter who left a year ago for Colorado and told me "it was to late for us to work on our relationship and that she was going to live with her boyfriend any there was nothing we could do to stop her, and she was not coming back home". Four months later she called home for us to pay for her ticket to come back, we agreed but only under the circumstances she got a job and followed our rules. She came home and was grateful for about a week, then it started all over again, swearing, arguing, and treated us like a doormat. She got a job after three months later after constant pressure from my wife and I, but she quit after 1 month.She sleeps in and stays out late with friends, she does not have her driving license so she aksed us to drive her a lot. We have created a list of rules and chores for her to follow which she either does not do or does with a really bad attitude, she also believes that because she may pick up her room or empty or load the dishwasher we owe her a place to live for free. When she breaks the rules we punish her and right now we have taking her cell phone and lap top away, but she continues to lie, argue, and steal our stuff when we are at work and then say's she did not do it. She told me yesterday that taking away her stuff will never work and only make her more miserable to us and when I say I will evict her she said she's not going anywhere! We have made list of rules and hung it up for her to see, but she is contently will break them and not following our list. We have put locks on the bedroom doors to keep her out when we are not home, only to have her figure out a way to still break in. My wife and I have worked hard to get her a Phycologist and Therapist which she fights about going to every appointment. She fights with her sister and tells me off on a daily basis and I'm tired of it! I want my home back too and some peace with my wife and family. My friends and family have told me she needs tuff love and to evict her from our home, my question is how do I do it and where will she go? I sympathize with all of you who are also going through the same scenario.

Hurt and frustrated... Dad

I too have a 19 year old daughter who left a year ago for Colorado and told me "it was to late for us to work on our relationship and that she was going to live with her boyfriend any there was nothing we could do to stop her, and she was not coming back home". Four months later she called home for us to pay for her ticket to come back, we agreed but only under the circumstances she got a job and followed our rules. She came home and was grateful for about a week, then it started all over again, swearing, arguing, and treated us like a doormat. She got a job after three months later after constant pressure from my wife and I, but she quit after 1 month.She sleeps in and stays out late with friends, she does not have her driving license so she aksed us to drive her a lot. We have created a list of rules and chores for her to follow which she either does not do or does with a really bad attitude, she also believes that because she may pick up her room or empty or load the dishwasher we owe her a place to live for free. When she breaks the rules we punish her and right now we have taking her cell phone and lap top away, but she continues to lie, argue, and steal our stuff when we are at work and then say's she did not do it. She told me yesterday that taking away her stuff will never work and only make her more miserable to us and when I say I will evict her she said she's not going anywhere! We have made list of rules and hung it up for her to see, but she is contently will break them and not following our list. We have put locks on the bedroom doors to keep her out when we are not home, only to have her figure out a way to still break in. My wife and I have worked hard to get her a Phycologist and Therapist which she fights about going to every appointment. She fights with her sister and tells me off on a daily basis and I'm tired of it! I want my home back too and some peace with my wife and family. My friends and family have told me she needs tuff love and to evict her from our home, my question is how do I do it and where will she go? I sympathize with all of you who are also going through the same scenario.

Hurt and frustrated... Dad

I too have a 19 year old daughter who left a year ago for Colorado and told me "it was to late for us to work on our relationship and that she was going to live with her boyfriend any there was nothing we could do to stop her, and she was not coming back home". Four months later she called home for us to pay for her ticket to come back, we agreed but only under the circumstances she got a job and followed our rules. She came home and was grateful for about a week, then it started all over again, swearing, arguing, and treated us like a doormat. She got a job after three months later after constant pressure from my wife and I, but she quit after 1 month.She sleeps in and stays out late with friends, she does not have her driving license so she aksed us to drive her a lot. We have created a list of rules and chores for her to follow which she either does not do or does with a really bad attitude, she also believes that because she may pick up her room or empty or load the dishwasher we owe her a place to live for free. When she breaks the rules we punish her and right now we have taking her cell phone and lap top away, but she continues to lie, argue, and steal our stuff when we are at work and then say's she did not do it. She told me yesterday that taking away her stuff will never work and only make her more miserable to us and when I say I will evict her she said she's not going anywhere! We have made list of rules and hung it up for her to see, but she is contently will break them and not following our list. We have put locks on the bedroom doors to keep her out when we are not home, only to have her figure out a way to still break in. My wife and I have worked hard to get her a Phycologist and Therapist which she fights about going to every appointment. She fights with her sister and tells me off on a daily basis and I'm tired of it! I want my home back too and some peace with my wife and family. My friends and family have told me she needs tuff love and to evict her from our home, my question is how do I do it and where will she go? I sympathize with all of you who are also going through the same scenario.

Hurt and frustrated... Dad

My daughter is 19. She goes to college. She has a job. She has an apartment. And she's one of the most hateful, spiteful and hurtful people I know. When she chose to leave at 18 yrs old she threw eggs at the house. She called the police on me when she was moving out and told them I was abusing her. Of course when they got to the house... they laid down the real law. They told her to leave and when she started walking through the house, they told her not to touch anything and leave. She freaked out and somehow managed to steal my cell phone when I wasn't looking just for spite. When I read your story I just copied and pasted most of it and wrote my own. :) I woke up this morning at 7 am with her on my mind. We haven't talked now for going on two weeks. Sometimes it's for months at a time and sometimes it's not but for a couple of hours. But each time it happens I feel like a failure. She doesn't understand what it's like to be a mother. All I want her to do is respect me and not be mean to me but it doesn't happen. I always ask myself, "What did I do, or what could I have done to provoke this. I still feel responsible for our relationship. She has an attitude that she is better than everyone else and that she is entitled to relationships and a home, job and car. She doesn't take into account the things we do for her. If we help pay for college books or tuition she thinks we are suppose to be doing that. She thinks she was abused because she didn't get the "Abercrombie" pants she wanted in 7th grade. I guess for me the bottom line is that I want my daughter to be someone that I don't think she will ever be. I want her to be a nice person. I realize she has legitimate emotional needs. But it's impossible for me to be their for her emotionally when she says horrible things to me. One of her friends from High School and now college came over a couple of weeks ago to buy a car we are selling and we talked to him for a little bit. His parents have never been to college so we told him if he needed any help or moral support he could always ask us and we would do whatever we could to help. THIS is what started the argument between me and my daughter. She immediately accused us of helping someone else but not helping her. She made threats and then said she wasn't talking to me anymore. I don't know what to do this time. I just know that I can't go on this way. What to do what to do. I know things will never be the way I want them to be. I guess it's time to just accept it. Am I a bad mother if I don't put my daughter first anymore? For the most part, I've always thought about how my actions would affect my children so I try to do the "right" things towards them and around them. But now I'm not so sure if I should still be putting them first. I think I'll go out on a limb and say, "she's on her own this time" I think the best thing I can do is release myself from her life and let my idea of a nice, respectful child just die.
Thank you so much for your post. Leslie

Oh... yeah, Jessica signed a contract a few months before she moved out. I printed off the legal responsibilities of 18yo to go with it as well. She signed it and then she said it was a stupid piece of paper and that she didn't have to do anything it said. She didn't care that she signed it and she said I was stupid for thinking that she had to do anything that was written in it. We've had designated driver contracts and it wasn't until a couple of months ago she told me that she never honored any of the contracts. She said the contracts were for me not for her and I think they were. But they made me feel better. At least I knew I wasn't being unreasonable. God forbid I become unreasonable lol.

Just reading the moms and dads stories on here makes me feel stronger. That's what I NEED; strength. Just to keep moving forward. Just keep on truckin. And know that I am not my daughter and she is not me. We are two separate people with different likes and dislikes and if something happened to her or me and we never got to see each other again, then I have to somehow make peace with that. Easily said. Now can I do it?

Im 19 year of african american female and Im going back to school having a hard time try get my drivers license and Neighbors aways being noisy. What a life?

I have just been going through similar things with my 19 year old daughter. She also graduated from high school last year and the first semester of college she completely bombed. The last two years have been terrible and I reached my peak two weeks ago. It was time for her to go. Much like your daughter she acted completely ungreatful, disrespectful and would raise her voice and attempt to take over my home. Sorry but there is only one queen bee in this house and that's me! Want to be a queen bee... get your own house to do it in! I lost it! Had much of the same things going on... taking all the towels and having them piled in her room, dishes left in the kitchen, because heck mom will come behind me and do it she hates dishes piled up... not maintaining her end of the responsibilities around the home. I'm a single parent and have been one since she was a year old. It's always been a team effort around here and it wasn't about to change now.

I say sometimes they need a good dose of reality! Tough love is tougher on us than it is them but it is necessary. We've probably all been the parents that wanted to make sure our kids knew we loved them without a doubt therefore we were always there for them ready and available when they needed us. Listened to them at any hour but now it's all about them with no regard for us in any manner whatsoever. Well I say that's when it's time to take back your life. They are not children any longer yet they are also not fully capable adults but guess what... they need to learn sometime and some of them have to learn the hard way. At least my daughter does. As for the drinking in your home... Not a chance I would tolerate that! Breath, stick to your convictions, stand your ground and set boundaries for yourself otherwise your life is going to be consumed with her issues and difficulty getting through this phase. It's normal from what I hear but I don't think what these kids are doing these days is normal. Hell, if I tried any of what they do now with my parents and/or guardians at their age I would have been quickly kicked in the bottom to say the least... actually I knew better to not even attempt to do any of it! We were raised in a very different time from them. It truly is not the same as when we were their ages. Good luck and keep positive that you're doing the right thing for your and your home as well as your daughter in the long run.

Yes you will do it. Life continues on regardless. I'm having to come to terms with letting go as well and leaving my daughter to figure out and be who she is. I don't agree with a lot right now on her choices of places and people but they are her choices and she is the one who is going to have to deal with the consequences or positives that come from any and every choice she makes now. There comes a time when we have to step back and trust that we raised them right and that somewhere, somehow that right raising is going to click in and they will get it. Until then, pray, drink lots of tea and take care of yourself and have your life. She will get hers. Remember, we all went through somewhat of the same thing and we turned out OK! :)

My 19 year old has left home and lives with a 30 year old bozo with a kid. Now she has to play mum and wife to this jerk. I've told her I don't like it and she told me that its her life, if I don't accept him I don't accept her and so, see you later pops!

Heartbreaking. She had really good grades at school, was on 8th grade in piano and has just given everything up for this guy, whom she reckons she loves.

At least yours is still at home and you have an opportunity to have some input into her future decision making.

In my opinion it is time for some tough love here. You and your husband have to join forces and be one strong unit in this situation.

You can not back down and you have to stand your ground together! The things you wrote down on your contract are all things that has already been addressed and run into the ground I am sure. Something that worked for me is to bag up all her belongings and take them away clothes, shoes what ever it is time for the princes to have a wake up call. As far as the phone and truck and insurance it should go too! I am a firm believer that kids are a product of what we as parents let them get away with! I work with incarcerated girls that have no respect for their parents and then this leads to no respect for the law. If she wants to earn her stuff back she needs to face the real world of adult consequences and give respect to get respect. You will only be helping her to become a responsible adult who understands life has consequences to her actions.
In the mean time join forces with your husband and know I am praying for you.

Hello Debi sorry to tell you this but I would not even bother giving her anything in writing she knows all the rules you must have had told her all the things have written at some time even when you had an arguments over things she knows everything she is just trying on I would ask her to go is the only way I know it will be hard but she will have to learn I had to do the same to my daughter she is 19 and she was same leaving things for me to every time and room was really messy, but the reason we kicked her out was because of her boy friend he was trying to rule my house and will not respect our house he was trying to take over in our house told him to leave but did not go he was two timing my daughter and even then she would not drop him so we had no choice but to kick her out now she is staying at his faimly's house she have to clean up and keep the room tidy and pay boarding too so now she will find out what real world is like.. mandy

Hello. I can't believe you wrote what is going on in my house to the T. As of Today I have put the nice car we bought for her in her name and insurance. Her phone also. She works to provide for her boyfriend who is 21 and dose nothing but mooch from my daughter who mooches from us. The Hell my daughter has put us through is destroying my son and my marriage. Daughter Thinks she not doing anything wrong. She gose to School and has a Job. She has no choice she needs Gas to get out of the house. She Dumps and runs and leaves our house in a nightmare. We were supporting her to go to School. Now I don't care School is not for me and asking like she is doing me some big favor. I'm giving her 30 days to locate living arrangements this should not be to hard since she seems to find a place at 2am and returns when she is hungry and tired. I love my daughter but refuse to live with her under her terms and way. Since I did not see a report card yet I will not pay student loan. Deal is you pass I pay that semester. I didn't put loan in my name until I see first year she is doing right by us in all ways. School home etc.. If She fails and doesn't pay the car insurance student loans etc... Well that's on her. Not me.She needs to Grow up. This is not the Holiday inn and I'm not the servant of a 19 year old who is a adult to play but a child at home. I want to add two days after taking her off our policy she let boyfriend drive the car with no DL. Two days after that they had a accident. There Ok. But again it would have been on Us. Since she won't protect my home and family I will. Why ? WE are in CHARGE!PS. That contract doesn't work. SHut down the MONEY!! INSURANCE PHONE and get your life Back. If she want to drive she better work! I also think If there not going to clean I want paid for cleaning service or move out!

Please let me know what happens. I feel your pain as I have a 19 year old who is the same way. She is making my life hell. All I want is for her to keep things clean and things just get worse. I feel like she hates me and has no respect for me at all.