What do I do. I haven't had sex with my wife in over eight months now?

If I even think about saying anything about it I'm dead.


??

What changed 8 months ago that made the sex stop?

I don't think that is entirely fair of her. At some point you absolutely must get around to discussing this, a major issue in a marriage. I think you should give it some serious thought on how to accomplish this discussion, a romantic dinner perhaps ? There must be some clue to circumstances during your wedding night? Had you had a good sexual relationship while dating ?

What changed 8 months ago that made the sex stop?


What happened was 9 1/2 months ago? Her first Baby.

I dont think that is entirely fair of her. At some point you absolutely must get around to discussing this, a major issue in a marriage. I think you should give it some serious thought on how to accomplish this discussion, a romantic dinner perhaps ? There must be some clue to circumstances during your wedding night? Had you had a good sexual relationship while dating ?


Very good before the marriage. Just pretty much lost interest once she got pregnant.

We had two times that I can think of while she was pregnant... And nothing since birth.


I have done romantic things... I give her massages almost every other night for at least 45... I don't know.

Does she tell you no or does she just not seem interested? Being a new mom can be very tiring and doesn't make a woman feel very sexy.

Does she tell you no or does she just not seem interested? Being a new mom can be very tiring and doesn't make a woman feel very sexy.



Both. I understand that it can be difficult. This is my third. So I have gone through this. Something's got to give though.

Has she talked to her Dr? She might be experiencing some post-partum problems. When the hormones get out of whack, it can make you feel almost asexual. Do you communicate well? Does she agree that 8 months is unreasonable to expect her husband to go without sex?

Has she talked to her Dr? She might be experiencing some post-partum problems. When the hormones get out of whack, it can make you feel almost asexual. Do you communicate well? Does she agree that 8 months is unreasonable to expect her husband to go without sex?




She has talked to her Dr. and is on some anti-depressants starting three weeks ago. Communication is not so great. She hates talking. Especially about the sex.

I don't know what to do. I have been an ( for lack of a better term). By mentioning it since after the first two months of birth...

Does she feel more comfortable writing? Sometimes when my husband and I can't talk to one another about something, we do feel more comfortable writing emails to one another. It isn't as embarrassing when you write down your concerns rather than saying them outloud.

Does she feel more comfortable writing? Sometimes when my husband and I can't talk to one another about something, we do feel more comfortable writing emails to one another. It isn't as embarrassing when you write down your concerns rather than saying them outloud.


She is more comfortable with writing. But she doesn't share her writing?

Does she have an email address? If not, set her up one. Talk to her - ask questions - send her e-cards. Romance her all over again.

It seems like you have a very controlling wife, why are you scared of her. As your wife she is out of her position... completely. If she have a problem, I believe that she should clear it up with her. I don't know of what faith you are but the bible state that neither the man or woman should deny sex to eacother. Try to talk to her.

Does she have an email address? If not, set her up one. Talk to her - ask questions - send her e-cards. Romance her all over again.


K, She has an email address. I will try that. :)

Don't cost anything to try.

Have you considered counseling, too?

It seems like you have a very controlling wife, why are you scared of her. As your wife she is out of her position...completely. If she have a problem, i believe that she should clear it up with her. I dont know of what faith you are but the bible state that neither the man or woman should deny sex to eacother. try to talk to her.


I am not scared of my wife. I respect her wishes and feelings. I am just at a point where a compromise needs to be made.

Don't cost anything to try.

Have you considered counseling, too?


As far as counseling... It is more of a financial issue and that is why I have not taken that route.

You mentioned your wife just started an anti-depressant. Those can take up to 6 week to be effective and still might not be at the correct dosage. Your obviously being very patient which is to be commended. As previously suggested, try romancing her and writing to her some of your feelings. She may slowly open up on paper as it's often perceived as safer (lower risk). At some point I think counseling might need to happen. Some agencies offer according to income. Barring some hidden issue your wife might have, I think you'll see a big difference once the anti-depressant starts kicking in... Kudos for being so patient, supportive, interested in her reasons for not having sex. Hang in there. Cathy

You mentioned your wife just started an anti-depressant. Those can take up to 6 wk to be effective and still might not be at the correct dosage. Your obviously being very patient which is to be commended. As previously suggested, try romancing her and writing to her some of your feelings. She may slowly open up on paper as it's often perceived as safer (lower risk). At some point I think counseling might need to happen. Some agencies offer according to income. Barring some hidden issue your wife might have, I think you'll see a big difference once the anti-depressant starts kicking in..... Kudos for being so patient, supportive, interested in her reasons for not having sex. Hang in there. Cathy


Thank you.

I don't think your wife is controlling... that's not how it sounds.
But she has been through a lot... for some women having the baby is a wonderful experience and others may find it a very hard one though they love their baby with all their heart...

Your wife is on anti depressants... and it may not be for nothing.

But I can see that this is hard for you too...

Try to make her feel emotionally safe with you without any pressure...
Buy her flowers, give her cards, tell her you love her and be patient...
Hold her hand, be nice, just be there for her without pressure...

Good luck and hang in there...

I feel your pain and frustration my friend and can only ask that you continue to be loving and patient and understanding for what your wife is going through. It may help to educate yourself on the effects of antidepressants and sex and postpartum depression to see what she is going through. She needs your emotional support and realistically it maybe the better part of 2 years before she and her doctor get a handle on what's going on and find away to deal with it. Just be a good attentive husband and really good father now. You are not alone as many suffer women the same thing. Hang in there and help where ever you can.

After I had my child, I hated to look in the mirror. I hated what was looking back at me. I did not want my husband to see me naked. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. It is hard to get back to where you feel sexy. It took a long time to want to have sex - just because - in my mind I thought "why would he want to even think about touching me - I am repulsive". It was a rough patch.
We got through it. And you will too.
She may not want to talk about it because she is ashamed of what she is feeling. She has taken a step in the right direction with talking to her dr. and getting help. It does take time for the meds to kick in so please continue to be patient.
Good Luck.

I bet your wife is as upset about it as you are, but she is not filling you in! It is hard on us women when our sex drive is low or sometimes non exsistant, but we don't tell the men. I wonder, "Where is that sex crazed girl I used to be at?" I remember how good sex was and how close I felt to my husband, but I just can't get turned on! I love and adore my husband and I find him very attractive, but it does nothing for me in the bedroom.

I can imagine it is hard on you and yes 8 months is TOO long, but it is hard on her too! You have to talk to her, no pressure, about your sex life! Try to let her do all the talking and don't take too much personally. Don't tell her at first how you feel or about your needs, really focus and listen to her point of view! She needs to know that you are at least trying to understand her and it will help her feel safe and she might open up to you? It is hard! There is nothing easy about sexual issues in a marriage, but if you are truly dedicated to her and your marriage, you HAVE to TALK!!

Good Luck and God Loves You!!