It's nineteen weeks since my boyfriend died at home can't function
He was my life
I'm so lost

Sorry for your loss. Would you care to share your situation and ages with us?

Time to seek some grief therapy counseling ti help you through it. Talk to your doctor about recommending one.

It is still early, and it is hard. But stay involved in life, do things, live the life they would have wanted. I have been widowed twice. And I still talk to my first wife (I go outside and just talk to her) tell her about the boys, life and so on.

But I remember that they would have also wanted me to be happy

I'm so very sorry for your loss, and I'm even more sorry that mere words won't help you through this. Sadly this is a pain that takes time to heal, and it's never completely healed. I can promise you that with each passing day, the pain will be a bit less, and soon you'll be able to smile again, and move forward.

Grief counseling is a very good idea. It helped me a lot when I lost my parents. There are also many groups that meet up sometimes specific to your exact situation, losing a boyfriend. Look around online near you to find grief counselors and grief groups that you can attend. Talking about it with others that have experienced the same thing can really help.

I wish you the best of luck, and again, I'm so very sorry you're going through this. Don't give up hope, it will get better.